(Closed) Possible trigger warning – how many bees here are child free by choice?

posted 2 weeks ago in No Kids
  • poll:

    Child free by choice

    I want kids/have kids/trying to have kids

    Not sure yet!

  • Post # 31
    Member
    482 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: March 2013

    View original reply
    @SabL22:  just because a child isn’t neurotypical doesn’t mean they’re special needs, although I think it’s a very common misconception. A lot of people, myself included, don’t get ‘diagnosed’ until adulthood due to being able to mask their differences. Autism is heavily medicalised and wrongly medicalised in my opinion, because to me having additional learning or developmental needs is separate from being autistic and it’s only just starting to be discussed and confirmed by research 🙂

    Post # 32
    Member
    394 posts
    Helper bee

    I was a fence sitter for a long long time. I think partly because I was in such a toxic marriage I couldn’t even think about brining a baby into that. When we divorced, I was still pretty sure I didn’t want kids but then I meant SO and well after a few years with him, I realized I wanted a child with him. I’m now 34 and we plan to start trying after my 35th birthday next year. We have both agreed that we only want 1 child (if we get pregnant with multiples of course that’s fine 🤪). 

    Post # 33
    Member
    1474 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2018

    View original reply
    @botanistbee:  thanks for the good info bee! I agree that autism shouldn’t be classed as special needs most of the time although I guess it depends on the severity of the individuals case and where they fall on the spectrum. I personally know some people with severe autism that are in long term-full time care facilities and that will never be fully functional adults. I think in my orignal post I was referring to people with developmental disabilities that would be classed as special needs. People like my husbands cousin that have a genetic abnormality [charge syndrome] that causes multiple disabilities. Also that I was probably referring to neurotypical as being the marker for average adults/kids with no known conditions. Of course people can be average and non neurotypical. It’s all good though and I applaud parents that have that patience and love to care for their children no matter the outcome-it takes special people to nuture a new human being regardless of their health. 🙂

    Post # 34
    Member
    1606 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2017

    Currently CFBC but toss up if that will change. I’ve had some slight tugs at my maternal instinct recently. But I’ve just never been excited by the idea of motherhood. And definitely not by pregnancy or childbirth. 

    Post # 35
    Member
    365 posts
    Helper bee

    We’re “One and Done”. I have a sib who is CFBC and several close friends who are CFBC. I think people are getting better at not asking others when they’re going to have a baby… People also need to get better and not asking parents when they’re going to give their child a sibling. It’s annoying AF. A human being is not a gift and what a horrible sentiment, “yeah, mommy didn’t want you but figured your brother needed a playmate so here you are.” 😐 

    Post # 36
    Member
    123 posts
    Blushing bee

    View original reply
    @lgrand519:  No offence intended but I think if you were trying to get an accurately picture of how many people were cfbc as compared to how many didn’t I think a simple poll of “how many bees have or want kids and how many don’t” would give you one. As this reads the amount of people who click and vote are probably going to be a way higher percentage of CFBC bees than is actually accurate.

    Post # 37
    Member
    1239 posts
    Bumble bee

    I’m confused, why is there a possible trigger warning? 

    Post # 38
    Member
    9184 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    Maybe because of how some people are triggered by the term CFBC and love to derail these types of threads. They sure seem triggered when they do that 🤷🏽‍♀️

    View original reply
    @naturalbee18:  

    Post # 39
    Member
    301 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2015

    The poll could even have included Bees who maybe did want kids but now find themselves CF by circumstances 

    Post # 41
    Member
    1164 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    I became a single mother by choice around the age of 40. Also have been a foster parent. Big believer that children deserve to have parents who WANT them. Bravo to those with the self-awareness to realize they don’t want children and remain childfree.

    Wonder a little though why a number of people bring up travel as a benefit of being CFBC. I have also travelled, and don’t feel I have I have missed out on travel due being a mom. I also feel like I have done very well financially. The key to financial success can be summed up with one question: Can you save money? If you can’t, no amount of income or lack of kids will make much difference. 

    Post # 42
    Member
    653 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2015 - City, State

    View original reply
    @Anonymous1063:  Traveling with kids is not traveling in my book. And as for money, no it does not come to saving. My husband and I have a lot more money TO SAVE because we don’t have kids. If we had them, we would likely be living paycheck to paycheck. We live in a very high cost of living place and it would be a huge drain to pay for daycare etc.

    Post # 43
    Member
    2423 posts
    Buzzing bee

    View original reply
    @yogahammy:  have to agree with you here. We have traveled a ton with our toddler, including two international trips in her first year of life, but it’s a very different experience than traveling childfree. You can’t just do whatever you want because the child’s needs and schedule have to be factored into everything you do. It’s doable but it’s not the same and no use pretending it is. 

    And I also agree about the money thing. Kids are expensive. We’re putting $500 a month into our kid’s college saving fund, plus saving up for daycare when COVID finally ends. That’s all money that could be “saved” for our own purposes if we didn’t have a kid. 

    Obv for us the benefits of having children outweighed these potential cons but completely understand why other folks might weigh things differently. 

    Post # 44
    Member
    131 posts
    Blushing bee

    CFBC. Known since I was in grade school it wasn’t for me. I love kids, and have done a lot of babysitting, camp counselor, teaching at junior high, high school, and university level. If I had kids in my life I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t be where I am now with a PhD in science, academic career, leading research expeditions in the deep wilderness, hobbies of mountain climbing and ultra running. Sometimes I wonder why I even own a house.

    Like others have said, I’m glad it’s becoming more socially acceptable to be CFBC these days. I have several friends and two cousins who are. 

    OP, all the answers you’ll ever need to find are within yourself. Take some quiet time alone and see what answers come up when you gently ask yourself if CFBC is the lifestyle for you.

    Post # 45
    Member
    1687 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2019

    View original reply
    @emilyofnewmoon:  yeah, we’re TTC and definitely plan to travel with our kids, but we purposely did our adult travel (museums, tons of walking, 3 hour dinners, etc) early on. We figured parking it at a beach in Hawaii sounded a lot easier with kids than traipsing through Paris, so we planned accordingly. Though, ironically, we (plus my mom) had a planned trip to Paris that was ruined by covid and we still have the credits/voucher, so we may attempt to take a baby to Paris, depending on how the timing works out. I’m under no illusions that it’ll be the same as our honeymoon though, lol! 

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