(Closed) Possibly offended one of 3 “best” friends, WHAT NOW?!?

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
192 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I think she is overreacting.. choosing a Maid/Matron of Honor is a personal choice and instead of being pouty you didn’t choose her, she should be happy that you want her as a part of your day.  I’d be careful, if she’s giving you an attitude this early in the game she might continue to be whiny and ungreatful.  Nothing is more of a buzzkill than a bridesmaid who comes in with a bad attitude.

And just as a side note, DEFINITELY ask your fiance’s sister to be a bridesmaid- especially because he only has one.  It sounds like even though she’s 7 hours away she’s more enthusiastic and willing to help than Bridesmaid or Best Man #1

Post # 4
204 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Give it time, she’ll get over it. Just like you said, she’s 21, she probably thinks it would be “cool” to be the Maid/Matron of Honor but doesn’t have any idea on what is involved. And if your Maid/Matron of Honor is as wise and awesome as you say, she’ll have no problem including Bridesmaid or Best Man #1 in planning things! I think it’ll work out perfectly for you!!!

Post # 5
1883 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I would just ignore it. And ask your FSIL!

Post # 7
179 posts
Blushing bee

That extra added information really paints the whole situation out. Usually anti-depressents are mood neutralizers, they kind of prevent the person from acting in “extremes” so I’m not sure if it’s the drugs that’s making her overract or underreact.. I think it’s just her mental health in general that makes her feel this way (not knocking her mental health at all, just saying that it’s definitely contributing to her actions).

I was pretty much in the reverse situation where I was a Bridesmaid or Best Man in a wedding where the bride would have replaced your Bridesmaid or Best Man #1 in her mental health situation and actions. It’s not easy and many times you can’t take what they do or say personally, it’s just a reflection of what they’re going through inside. That’s not to say that it’s not tough to go through this and try your best to be a friend to them. It’s very difficult.

You should seriously have another talk with her and spell out everything AGAIN. Really let her understand that being Maid/Matron of Honor isn’t about being a winner in a popularity contest and that as Bridesmaid or Best Man she’s a really important person in your life. Let her know that although she doesn’t mean some of the things she says and does, it still really hurts you to hear her say mean things to you. It makes it harder to “forget and forgive” when the same things happen again and again.

I really hope that you can work things out with her and come to an understanding with her. Esp. with what your going through with all of the family drama her support means a lot to you.

And with the family drama, your mom will hopefully come around. She may hold a grudge for a few years in protest of you marrying your Fiance but in a good number of situations time can really heal. Were you you and your mom close before? Because if you were it’ll be hard for her to have such a strained relationship for a long period of time. Trust me, she’ll miss talking or hanging out with you on a normal basis. If and when you decide to have grandchildren she’ll real put all of that beside her and move-on.

Sending you lots of hugs. Hang in there!


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