- 8 years ago
- Wedding: October 2010
Okay, so, I have three good friends. I chose my Maid/Matron of Honor because of her enthusiasm in every area, because she is old enough to be my mom but is single and so while wise and experienced, still LOTS of fun, and also because she is just an amazing friend who shares so much in common with me! She is also, last but not least, VERY artistic and would be a huge help in anything creative or artsy or DIY.
I then asked my other great friend, whom I have known about 2 1/2 years just like the Maid/Matron of Honor, to be a bridesmaid. She accepted immediately (I asked her by phone), but sounded a tad different in her tone. Then she asked, “Who will be your Maid of Honor?” OH MY GOSH not a good question coming from her . . . .she’s only 21 and while I love her dearly and I know she loves me, I think she was voicing her resentment that I didn’t choose HER as my Maid/Matron of Honor. I non-chalantly said, “Well, ____ is my Maid/Matron of Honor. It was really a hard choice for me — I am all new at this — does one have to have an Maid/Matron of Honor or just all bridesmaids? Anyhow, I chose ___, she’s artsy-fartsy so I figured it would be good in that way. BUT YOU are super-organized, the gal who’s always on time and usually early. And it seemed to me you both worked splendidly together when you both helped me move out in a pinch from my place a few months ago! So I figured you would make a great team.” (that was the first time Maid/Matron of Honor and Bridesmaid or Best Man met, and they seemed to get along great) Then I proceeded to tell her I might have ONE more bridesmaid, not sure yet though, who lives a few hours away. I have actually known her the longest, 10 years, but we are more like good friends versus BFF now. And she’s newly married.
Now, my Maid/Matron of Honor and Bridesmaid or Best Man #1 above, both live in the same town as I do. So, it’s “easy” to get together with them, go choose my dress and their dresses, etc. compared to bringing in my possible Bridesmaid or Best Man from several hours away. The fact that my Maid/Matron of Honor lives here in town, is NOT in full-time heavy-duty college like my Bridesmaid or Best Man #1, and is also THRILLED for me and my fiance, are the main reasons I CHOSE her as my Maid/Matron of Honor.
I am also seriously considering asking my future husband’s sister to be a bridesmaid. She is his only sibling, and I’ve never had a sister. And I liked her the (one) time I met her and spent time around her for a few hours! She lives almost 7 hours away, but is also enthused we are marrying and already offered from the start to help out any way I needed.
So, to get down to the nitty gritty . . . .I love my friend, Bridesmaid or Best Man #1. But I felt hurt by her attitude and her tone, and unsure now of what she thinks or if there is trouble ahead. I cannot spread myself thin to her and everyone else who resents not getting to see me so much (she outright said she wondered if I’d forgotten her with being engaged and all, and I said of course not, I still loved her and my other friends just as much even though I cannot always see all of them in person). And yet I feel “guilty.” I DO NOT want to feel guilty — this is my wedding, and I want it to be great!
How do I take her responses? What should I do to help smooth this over? My Maid/Matron of Honor would likely be understanding if I expressed worry about Bridesmaid or Best Man #1 and asked Maid/Matron of Honor to help me make Bridesmaid or Best Man #1 feel useful, respected, etc. during this process. e.g. by having special duties assigned to her, working with Maid/Matron of Honor to plan, etc. But I wanted some advice here. Has anyone had a similar experience?