Post # 1
Hi Bees, I’m hoping for your advice.
My mother, after being single for twenty years when she and my dad split up, has finally found a wonderful man and they just got engaged! I am so thrilled she is going to be an encore bride, and her groom-to-be is fantastic.
Yesterday she asked me to be her Matron of Honor, and of course I accepted. She is hoping for a May/June 2014 wedding. What she does not know is that my husband and I are going to start trying to get pregnant in October of this year.
My husband and I have been married almost three years and we have gotten almost constant pressure to have a child, which has made us ultra-private about TTC. My doctor told us to expect a six month period to try to get pregnant, so I have no idea if I will even be pregnant by the time her wedding comes, but it is possible.
Here’s my question: I don’t want to disclose that we are going to start TTC, but do I have an obligation to my mom/the Bride to inform her? I know she will be nothing but thrilled if we do have news, so I’m not concerned that she will kick me out or be upset with me. I worry about a dress and having to schedule baby shower, bridal stuff, etc.
I’m not sure how to handle this and was hoping the hive could offer some wisdom, please! Thanks in advance.
Post # 3
My sister was pregnant when she was my Maid/Matron of Honor. No big deal. I wouldn’t worry about it until you actually are pregnant. Who knows how far along you’ll be or if you’ll even be pregnant yet.
Post # 4
Depends on your relationship with your mom, sounds like you both are very close. You can confide in her if she can keep quiet about it and play by ear when the time comes. If your mother isn’t the type that can keep a secret; you can announce the pregnancy when it tests positive. 😉
Post # 5
I’ve seen pregnant BMs and MOHs before. Hopefully your mom will be willing to work you on finding a cute maternity dress if you are. I don’t think anyone should be kicked out for being pregnant, unless they are really due near the wedding date.
Post # 6
There’s nothing to tell right now. Just cross these bridges when you come to them. As a second time bride, I personally wouldn’t even do a shower. MOH is under no obligation to host, regardless, and immediate family really isn’t even supposed to. Dresses will be no problem!
Don’t worry about it and good luck.
Post # 7
@Birdee106: I’d wait till you start shopping for bridesmaid dresses… By then, if you’re pregnant obviously you’d have wonderful news to tell her, but even if not, it might be nice to give her a head’s up about the possibility while you’re on the hunt for bridesmaid dresses!
Post # 8
- Wedding: October 2014 - Squaw Valley
@mrspitcher8: One of my best friends started worrying about her future/potential pregnancy the second I told her he bought the ring. She is worrying about what date I will pick and oh the horror if she can’t be in my wedding or if she gives birth durign the ceremony. I told her I am more than happy to have a pregnant bridesmaid to not worry for another second. And as for her “giving birth at the ceremony”, can cross that bridge when 1. We officially announce our engagement (just waiting on the ring to be finished, then SO will ask my dad) 2. We set our date and 3. She gets pregnant
There are so many unknowns at this point, I don’t think it’s something you should worry about just yet. Plus, being that the bride is your mom I can’t imagine she’d go bridezilla and have any issues with you announcing your pregnancy when the time comes 🙂
Post # 9
@mrspitcher8: she is your mother she wont be upset she will be thrilled … now that being said … b4 you order your dress speak with doctor see where you are in ur 6 month window…. and if possible pick something that wasit flows out form just under ur bust line so you have room to grow should you need it
shows and timing are minor … have your baby shower after the wedding, or after the baby is born lots of ppl do that you will handle it brilliantly it will work out just fine
you giving her a grandchild will be the greatest wedding gift of all (maybe talk her into long flowy gowns so you have room to grow and if your legs and feet swell no one will see) also remember preg women feel like its 10C degrees hotter(sorry i am canadian) my bestie is 5 months right now telling me all this stuff lol so like 62 you will feel like its 80 so dress with that in mind make sure its light flowy and not fitted in the waist try and get empire waist line so you got room to grow
and hey think of the fun … of a baby sex party to have team boy team girl … and a shower having these parties does not have to be hard … infact if ppl are coming form out of town maybe have her bridal shower a night party and then the next day do an afternoon baby shower or make it a sunday sat thing so out of town ppl get to come to both
think on the positive 😀 and best of luck
Post # 10
@mrspitcher8: she’s your mom, she would probably be happy for you.
Post # 11
What’s wrong with telling your mom that you are going to TTC? I had a bridesmaid tell another bridesmaid that she was TTC, and had the entire thing planned out b/c she wanted to deliver in a certain month of the year. She told me when she was 3months, just before everyone else. I was SUPER happy for her since I have other friends who had a lot of trouble.
… but it did strike me funny that she planned the whole thing and kept it from me (yet told the other BM). I had a small wedding party, so maybe I saw it differently than others would.
In the end it’s a very personal decision, and I’m sure your mom will be very happy for you!
Post # 12
Is she having many attendants or are you the only one? Maybe you can go dress shopping closer to the wedding date and get something off the rack? My Maid/Matron of Honor found out she was pregnant about a month after we ordered dresses. Hers was a complete surprise. She had to order an extra yard of fabric ($54!!) and now has to have the dress altered. So she has more expense into the dress than the rest of my girls.
Post # 13
Why not just let your mum know that your’re going to start trying? That way she can choose a dress for you that will work whether your pregnant of not.
My Maid/Matron of Honor is going to be 8 months pregnant at my wedding! She let me know that her and her husband were going to start trying before i picked the bridesmaid dresses. As a result, i’ve picked a dress that has fairly stretchy material (just as well) and that nips in under the bust. The dress looks good on all of my bridesmaids, and it wouldn’t have mattered if my Maid/Matron of Honor hadn’t gotten pregnant. If the material had been tight and restrictive though, it would have been a problem.