(Closed) Possibly the worst night ever (Long).

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
104 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: Old Victorian B&B/Restaurant & Gardens

weddingxobsessed:  Wow, I feel bad for you! I can’t believe you’ve been so good about it! I probably would have snapped by the time the no sweatsuit morning of thingy happened….nobody likes being left out and then relied upon for everything. Not cool. Id seriously email her back with pretty much exactly what you said in this post because if I acted like that and then read this…i’d feel pretty contrite that I made someone feel like this.. Hope you guys can remedy your friendship, it would be terrible to let it go from something that is supposed to be so happy!

Post # 4
104 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: Old Victorian B&B/Restaurant & Gardens

weddingxobsessed:  If the friendship is about “payback” and such then ya, id let her go too. Its too exhausting always being the “bigger” person with situations like that and honestly? not healthy. There are better people out there who will support you and treat you better. Your poor boyfriend, I feel like he will benefit from the friendship split as much as you will 🙂

Post # 5
451 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

Girl, if that is your “worst night ever” than you have a pretty good life. This is all so trivial in the big world. Yes she seemed a little needy and bridezilla-ish and it was wrong of her to not include you in all of the extras, but you should not have expected to be seated with your Boyfriend or Best Friend or him with you, if there was a head table or not. That’s not how weddings usually go. You also should not have left early. 

On the emails, don’t deal with any of the other BM’s, just tell your friend exactly how you felt at the time. It doesn’t matter if you “think” it’s paybacks or not. That is just what you think and it’s purely speculation. Just stick to the facts if you do confront her and how YOU feel. If you start out by saying anything that is like a personal attack “you did this, you did that, etc” then that will only put her on the defensive. 

This all seems very “high school”, so it’s up to you on whether you want to be the adult in this situation. 

Post # 6
1671 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

weddingxobsessed:  Wow. I can let a lot go, but the thing that really sticks out to me is that she bought the other girls the getting ready outfit and not you. That right there is a pretty clear signal that she doesn’t value your feelings. I’d probably do the friend drift. You know, don’t call her, be busy if she wants to hang, etc. I don’t think she’ll coming chasing after you, but that’s ok. Sometimes the stress of a wedding can just show cracks that were already there.

My own story, if you’re interested:

I had a friendship become much much more distant because of a wedding. My wedding. My Maid/Matron of Honor was a guy. He had a falling out with one of my other bridesmaids… 2 of my closest friends. Ok. I can be cool with that. Their friendship isn’t about me, after all.

But he kept talking shit about her to me. All the time. I constantly asked him to stop. She didn’t talk shit about him to me at all. I kept them separate entirely… They were not together for the bachelorette or shower, nothing. He kept doing it. He was so emotional. I tried to talk to him a bit, but he would just go on and on and on… Too much for me to handle, and I told him so. My Mother-In-Law had passed away very recently and I was sad, plus I was trying to plan a wedding.

He was constantly hassling me about wedding stuff, offering his opinions all the damn time, texting me, calling me… I was a low key bride, I didn’t want all the hoopla and he knew it. Honestly, I was planning my wedding with my fiance, not my friends. Eventually I blew up at him for all the bridesmaid drama. He apologized. We’ve been friends for 15 years and I’d never lost my temper like that at him. We patched things up and moved on with the wedding but…

The thing was, he had been too clingy and too emotional with me for awhile. My wedding and his fight with our other friend just brought things to a boiling point. There came a point where I could not tolerate it any longer. We are still friendly, but we are nowhere near as close as we were. He was trying to stay very close after my wedding, but I found it felt forced to/on me. I really wanted my space, and I didn’t think it was right that my male friend should be a bigger emotional draw than my husband. I asked him to step off a bit and give me some time. 

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