(Closed) Post-Elopement Celebrations and Wedding Gifts – What's the Deal?

posted 5 months ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
2833 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

lbqueen15 :  I didn’t elope, but had a small ceremony and big celebration the next day where we invited people that weren’t invited to the ceremony. We did not register but we recieved gifts/checks from maybe like 15 people (out of 70) which was appreciated.

My husband and I wouldn’t have had a registry regardless though.

I don’t think anyone really “deserves” gifts, we’re all choosing to get married and include the people we love- why do they owe us anything because we chose to have an expensive party?

Post # 3
Member
752 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: City, State

If people want to buy you gifts at the celebration they will, don’t stress it.

From other boards I’ve read on here having a gift registry after an elopement  seems gift grabby. I guess it’s along the same vein of people who say you can’t invite people just to the reception because it’s rude. But where I’m from reception only guests is fine. So basically my advice is you know your guests. If your guests are going to want to buy gifts then create a registry, if your guests are of the belief it’s gift grabby or they won’t bring a gift if not invited to the whole event, just the party then don’t, because you will only rub them up the wrong way even more.

Post # 4
Member
5962 posts
Bee Keeper

“Weddings are so expensive these days, and I don’t think a couple who forgoes that expense should be void of all celebration/gift-giving that follows a marriage. “

So you don’t want to spend money because “weddings are expensive”, but you want people to spend money on you because you’re “just as married”? Seems a bit of a double standard?

Post # 7
Member
1350 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

lbqueen15 :  because you are not hosting anyone? Because you’ve put forth no effort to ask those people who should be supposedly gifting you to celebrate your marriage with you? Because, maybe, just maybe, it’s really gift grabby to create a registry when you’ve done nothing for anyone but yourselves?

lol

Post # 10
Member
2833 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

lbqueen15 :  If you’re strictly eloping, I would definitely not create a registry. I just think that will make people feel obligated to buy you a gift, I don’t know it just seems weird. “You’re not a part of my special day whatsoever but here’s the dishes I want from Macy’s”.

Even with a celebration after the fact, it just seems weird. If people want to bring gifts or cash, they will. They don’t need a registry to do so.

Post # 11
Member
1221 posts
Bumble bee

lbqueen15 :  I agree and would send a gift either way — maybe there would be a size difference since it’s just an after party not the actual wedding. There’s something special about witnessing the “I do’s” and some people feel left out when they’re only invited to the after party. At most parties, it’s rude to show up empty handed but usually guests bring wine or a smaller gift than one would bring to an actual wedding. I think traditional wedding gifts are mostly reserved for traditional weddings. 

If I were your friend, I’d wait until people ask where she is registered. That’s a good sign guests want her to register. However, with every registry, make sure she have some different price points. 

Edit: changed “you” to “your friend” when I saw the update

Post # 12
Member
127 posts
Blushing bee

In my opinion.    Gifts are given to celebrate the marriage.    The reception is a thank you to your wedding guests for attending your marriage ceremony.     A post elopement celebration, is a party that you are throwing for yourself.

 

If I was not invited to witness your marriage, would I still give you a gift?  Even if there was no post celebration party.    If I was close to you I would.   But if you were only a casual friend, work colleague, the child of one of my friends etc… I would not.    So when you have these type of parties, that is usual thought process that I go through.     

Post # 14
Member
1451 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2019 - City, State

I personally don’t find it “tacky” to have a registry for an elopement party. The creation of a registry to me doesn’t scream “give me things,” it more says “if you choose to be generous these things would be nice.” I don’t really see how it’s any different than making a baby registry. They’re not exactly invited to the birth, but people still give gifts.

It depends on your family dynamics I suppose. My fiance and I are doing an intimate 20ish person wedding, then later having a celebration with the rest of his extended family. I wasn’t going to do a registry for obvious reasons, but even though they all know they are not invited to the actual wedding, so many of his extended family members were asking my Future Mother-In-Law for our registry that she asked me to make one. 

Also, even if that didn’t happen I’d probably have ended up making a registry of a few things I really wanted and left it on private – most places give you 10-20% off of items on your registry after your wedding date passes. Discounted dishes? Sign me up.

Post # 15
Member
2306 posts
Buzzing bee

If you have a party in celebration of your marriage, I would probably bring a gift.  I typically give cash, so I wouldn’t seek out a registry, but you can do whatever you want.  In my circle, people mainly gift off the registry for showers and then cash for the reception.

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