Post # 1
I have gone anonymous for this post but i’m sure somebody will figure out who I am.
I gave birth to my beautiful baby in the last 3 months (not stating the date for privacy reasons) and I have been feeling down ever since.
I think due to the way baby was delivered I feel cheated out of the experience i was hoping for and the pain I was in following childbirth has contributed to the way i am feeling.
I am struggling to bond with my baby and it makes me feel so guilty. I almost resent the baby and looking after it all day on my own is getting too much for me.
I spend hours crying and when baby crys i feel like nothing I do is soothing. I really dont know how much more i can take.
My other half is wonderful but because he works full time he doesnt do the nightly feeds or nappy changes. He comes home at half 5 each evening, expects dinner to be ready, has about an hour with the baby before babys bedtime where i spend hours trying to get baby to sleep.
I am shattered, i have not had one nights sleep since baby was born. People tell me to sleep during the day but its impossible when baby wont stop crying and is only not crying when in the bouncy chair which i have to rock with my foot constantly.
I just want to hand the baby over to someone else. Its like im looking after someone elses child. i feel no maternal bond at all and i dont know why.
Im at a lose end. I am not one for talking about how i feel so i put on a happy face when others are around. I know i should speak to my health visitor but its hard for me to open up.
I think i just need someone to tell me to get a grip or something. ld never do anything to harm the baby but when its screaming non stop all i can do is feel the anger rise. i have to walk away and scream myself before going back to try and soothe. It feels like baby doesnt like me, Hates being held by me and will never settle when i try.
i feel so stupid but i dont know what to do
Post # 3
@nomotivation: It’s all going to be okay. Do NOT be ashamed of this. It’s hormonal and you can’t help it. Please talk to your doctor and be 100% honest. Do this ASAP!!
Post # 4
those are absolutely and completely normal feelings of post natal depression! you should speak to whichever healthcare provider you feel the most comfortable with talking to. it’s a medical condition, not a personal failing and the sooner you talk to someone and get it treated, the sooner it will go away and you can have the ability to enjoy your life again!
Post # 5
What you are feeling is not unacceptable. Many women are in the same boat. The most important thing right now is to get help from someone you trust. Whether it’s your health visitor or Darling Husband or a close friend or your mom.
No matter what your Darling Husband needs to know how you’re feeling. He needs to be able to help and he probably needs to know how to help. He’s at work all day and may feel that you have a bond with baby that he doesn’t. Ask him to bring home dinner or cook a couple nights a week, maybe on the weekends he can do nighttime feeding and diaper changes. Even though he works all day, he can help out at night, full time working parents do it all the time. Yes the lack of sleep will suck for him but it’s killing you.
If baby will only sleep in a swing or bouncy seat, get yourself one that you can put batteries in that will do it for you. Ask a friend or neighbor to watch the baby for a couple hours one day a week to give you some time to yourself.
The most important thing is communication. Go talk to your doctor about how you’re feeling. Let your husband in the loop, Keep your mom or neighbor or close friend in the loop, you need help and you have plenty of people who will be more than willing to help.
Post # 6
if i speak to my Health Visitor what can they do to help? im scared i will always feel like this. i have a history of depression and anxiety
Post # 7
I just read this on the baby sleep blog I read. Hopefully it will help you realize that what you are feeling is common–but not normal (as in, you should not need to be in this state)! Definitely talk to your doctor. And confide in your husband.
Post # 8
I had post partum depression with my oldest daughter. Go to the doctor, talk to someone and maybe get some medication. Also- just because your husband works full time – there is no reason he can’t give you a night off or put the baby to bed every other night.
Post # 9
This is all completely treatable and very common. Postpartum depression is not anything to be ashamed of–it’s not your fault! It’s a disease like anything else. Talk to your doctor ASAP and get the help you need.
Post # 10
I can assure you that your baby doesn’t hate you! Babies feed on energy so he/she can probably just sense the anxiety a little bit, nothing that can’t be fixed. I agree with the suggestion of speaking to a doctor, that’s what they are there for. Post partum depression is incredibly common, and not taken lightly when you talk to a doctor (meaning they won’t brush you off as just tired and emotional).
The best advice my mom said she ever got from her doctor was no baby every died from crying, if you need a moment put the baby in it’s crib and shut the door for a few minutes to collect yourself (which it sounds like you do when you need to?).
I think you really need to talk to your husband, perhaps he doesn’t know the extent of your struggles but working or not, he needs to help you in the evening and definitely NOT expect dinner to be made. He can survive making himself toast or cereal if he needs to, it’s more important for him to help you get a schedule established and giving you a break. I have a hard time with the fact that because my Darling Husband works he will be exempt from helping at all during the night if I need it. Ideally, I will try to do it on my own but if I need him to wake up once during the night to assist me he can still get enough sleep to function at work and I’m sure it’s the same for your Darling Husband.
Post # 11
@nomotivation: Nothing about this is stupid. Please know that what you are going through is common. Especially after not having the birth experience you were hoping for. Your feelings are normal!
I would talk to your health care provider. Talk to your husband. He needs to help out more- YOU are working full time yourself darling, only it is 24/7! Forget about cooking for him right now. You have to take care of you and LO.
Have you tried outsourcing, asking anyone for help? I NEVER ask for help, so I can see myself feeling like this. But maybe you can start by asking someone, even Darling Husband, to take the baby for 1-2 hours so you can step out, even to go for a walk.
I am so sorry you are feeling this way. My mum had a baby when I was almost 16. She had a csection- the baby had trouble breastfeeding and my mum did not bounce back and have the same energy she did in her 20s when she had me and my older sisters. The baby cried 24/7. No matter what we did! It was very hard on all of us. She had severe PPD and she felt guilty. Try not to be hard on yourself and know that millions of women suffer this is silence.
Maybe seek out a local support group for PPD, likely you won’t know anyone, and this could really help- meeting other news moms who are struggling, even an online support group.
Finally, you are doing the right thing by stepping out when it gets to be too much. Try skin to skin time to help bonding. I hope some of this might help.
Post # 13
PPD is so, so common and you definitely need to talk to someone about it! These feelings are a result of hormones — not bad parenting!
Also, it sounds like you have a very colicky baby and that DOES eventually go away. But be sure to ask your pediatrician if something else might be going on like acid reflux/GER/GERD.
Post # 14
been for a walk and took some time to just cry and let things ou. told my husband im having an early night too.
the worst thing is when people tell me how cute baby is and i agree. then they say, i bet its great to finally meet baby when inside im thinking i would rather someone else take the responsibility away so i can feel like me again.
Post # 15
I could have written your post. I’m not going anonymous for my post because I don’t care if people judge me. I am a new, first time mom. I felt the EXACT same way after I had my daughter 10 weeks ago. I didn’t bond with her right away. The first night we brought her home, it was TERRIBLE. She cried ALL night long. Nothing my husband and I did would calm her down. I thought “what the hell did I do? Why did I want to have a baby so bad?” I did not feel like “me” anymore when I became a mother. I felt like a large part of who I was died when I gave birth to her. I felt like I had not only lost myself, but my freedom. I could no longer eat when I wanted, take a shower when I wanted, sleep when I wanted, etc. I got the “sleep when baby sleeps” thing, too. They must not have children or have a baby with colic. Sleep? What the hell is that? Every little part of me hated being a mom. I mean HATED it. I wasn’t expecting to feel that way. I have a few friends that had babies and they were all happy… that’s what I thought it was supposed to be like. They were happy and here I was, so upset, exhausted and broken inside. It made me feel even worse. People would always congratulate me and all I wanted to do was punch them. It’s not like you can be honest and tell them “being a new mom is really hard for me and I do not like it at all”. That is exactly why you went anonymous, because people are judgmental. Our society puts SO much weight on motherhood. Women are expected to be perfect little domestic goddesses and to be perfect little mothers. God forbid you not be a perfect mother! You know what? No mother is perfect. If there is a mother that tells you that her child has not made her want to pull her hair out, she can only be one of two things: batshit crazy or a total liar. Hang in there. It DOES get better. You will eventually start feeling like yourself again. I am like you. I didn’t want to go to a doctor. I confided in my husband and my stepmom and they helped me whenever they could. Don’t be afraid to ask others for help. Ask a good friend or family member to watch baby so you can have some time to yourself. Do not be afraid to let baby cry while you take a breather. Your health is just as important as hers. Don’t feel like you have to do everything at once because you don’t have to. Let some things wait while you take some time to feel like “you” again. I think that seeing a doctor is important, though. You can do this. Trust me. You’re a new mother, not Superwoman, just like the rest of us. This is completely normal and there is no need for you to be embarrassed or ashamed.
Post # 16
@nomotivation: I, too, have a history of depression and anxiety that stems from childhood. I’m pregnant with my third child and had post partum depression with my first two. It can take some time, but things tend to improve.
For me, I do better without people around. Some people get depressed while isolated, but I get more depressed listening to other people talk about the baby, the pregnancy, delivery, etc etc. You might want to limit contact with people who upset you.
Some things that helped me: anxiety medication, walks outside, time “off” to nap or veg out (my husband just took over), taking times to do things I previously enjoyed (I say previously because in the throws of depression, I hate everything, personally, so I forced myself to do things I use to like).
This is not the same as regular depression and anxiety. PPD tends to be shorter term and largely hormones-based. Don’t compare the two or you will feel hopeless. Medication and/or therapy may help, but a lot of it for me was taking things in my control and doing what I could do for myself. It’s hard, I won’t lie, and it can take what feels like forever, but it really won’t be.