(Closed) Post Wedding Blues

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 5
317 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

You can’t go back and change things. What happened, happened.  If you keep reading the boards, you’ll see that a good number of the brides on here would have changed something about how their wedding went.  The wedding industry pounds into our heads that this is the best day of our lives and it’s going to be perfect, but it’s not! You have to think of the good things about your wedding–there must have been some good moments, right? You don’t get to re-do being newlyweds, so let the wedding go and enjoy being married!

Post # 6
1798 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Honestly, I could have written your OP. I think we invest so much time, energy, and money in the wedding day that it’s really disappointing when it doesn’t happen the way we wanted. I’m still trying to get over my wedding regret, but the main things that have helped are focusing on the positives and realizing that in the grand scheme of things a perfect wedding is not too important. 

Post # 7
11356 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

@Enoel: I want to reply to this post, because having an opportunity to respond to postings such as this — and perhaps to help someone else — is one of the primary reasons I joined WB after my wedding. Like Msfahrenheit, above, I easily recognized myself in your post. 

I was an older bride who had waited a long time to finally meet the right man and take that important walk down the aisle.  I am a planner and wanted everything to be perfect.  Unfortunately, when all was said and done, I, too, found myself in a post-wedding depression that began about an hour after my wedding and, unfortunately, lasted about nine months.

* The day before my wedding, my car would not start.  I had to contact a rental car company just to reach my salon appointments — several hours late — and my rehearsal and rehearsal dinner, the venues for which were about an hour and a half from my home.

* When we arrived for the rehearsal dinner, the restaurant owner conveniently forgot that he had promised us the large space in the front of his restaurant. Instead of sitting at tables set so that our family and friends could interact with us and each other, our party instead was relegated to a long row of banquette seating that was directly across from the kitchen and along the path to the restrooms.  This was supposed to be “our” night to share with close family and friends.  There were supposed to be speeches and an opportunity to open our wedding gifts to each other with everyone watching and “oohing and ahhing.” I was ready to have a meltdown over this, but, thankfully, some of my Godly, wise girlfriends saw what was happening to me, and gave me some wise counsel to just get over it and move on, which I tried my best to do.

* The day of the wedding, I had to squeeze in the pedicure appointment I did not have time to have the previous day, due to the issue with my vehicle not starting.  This, combined with some other delays at the salon — along with very heavy holiday-weekend traffic and some traffic accidents ahead of us along the way — resulted in my arriving at the venue an hour and 15 minutes later than scheduled.  As a result, we were unable to take the majority of the wedding photos ahead of time, as I had originally planned. My Fiance and his children were outside taking pictures along with his parents and all the groomsmen.  However, my bridesmaids and I, and my parents, ended up having to take our photos inside, in the bride’s room, instead of outside as I had hoped. As a result, I have no photos of me alone with all of my bridesmaids. We also never captured any photos of just my husband and me with his children — my new family.  And the background of all of the photos of me with others in the bride’s room all have the same background, and the lighting was very unflattering. 

* My ring bearer was three-and-a-half.  He had practiced and practiced his role.  Unfortunately, he grew weary waiting, and someone sent him down the ailse before the bridesmaids’ procession had started and before FI and the groomsmen were in place.  No one had told him what to do after he walked down the ailse, and no one was there to intercept him (he was supposed to stand with his father.) A family member wrongly assumed that the rings on the ring pillow were our real wedding bands, instead of the imposters I painstakingly selected, and took the ring pillow from him.  He subsequently spent almost the entire wedding screaming at the top of his lungs, because someone had taken his job away from him.

* A number of other factors — including the fact that we still had the majority of our photos yet to take after the ceremony — conspired to create a huge delay in our planned timeline.  Because of this, and the fact that we were not able to have a receving line due to the venue’s logistics — resulted in our not ever being able to greet the vast majority of our guests.  

* Finally, because we did not take photos with our extended families until after we cut the cake, I ended up keeping my veil on throughout the entire reception, and, therefore, none of my guests really saw my hair or my tiara, and I had no pictures of the elaborate “up do” that my dear friend and stylist had created for me.

By the time Darling Husband and I arrived at our hotel that night, I was experiencing the beginnings of a snowballing, all-consuming, downward spiral of shock, disbelief, disappointment, and, eventually, despair that my wedding — my one and only shot at this lifelong dream — was over and I literally felt as if I had missed it.

I spent much of my very expensive honeymoon at a top Caribbean resort depressed and crying. I drove my poor husband crazy with my grief-filled laments of “How did this happen?” and “Who has a wedding and doesn’t greet their guests?!?!”  and, “Oh my gosh, I never took off the veil! The whole night, I never took off the veil…” and other, similar comments.

Upon our return, we heard nothing but RAVE reviews about our wedding.  Everyone LOVED it and had a spectacular time! People said our wedding featured the most meaningful ceremony, the best-tasting cake, the most spectacular flowers, the most beautiful venue for an outdoor ceremony, etc. Hearing all of these compliments, I could not wait to see our pro pics and video from our venue-recommended photographer and videographer so that I could feel as if I had really experienced the day. Unfortunately, our pro pics were disappointing in many ways, in part because of factors noted above, and in part because I was expecting wonderful, photo-journalistic, artsy, editorial-style images, and what I ended up with was a set of  average, run-of-the-mill wedding pictures, most of which will require photo-editing, and my photographer does not do photo-editing. (How did I not know this when I signed the contract?)

I really could relate to your post about videography, Our video was promised to be complete within a month after our wedding. Instead, it took numerous telephone calls, voice-mail messages, e-mails and, finally, the intervention of high-ranking officials from our venue, for us to FINALLY receive our video … nine months after our wedding!

The good news is that, despite the fact that our wedding pictures aren’t perfect, our video didn’t include some important moments, our ring bearer was crying during our vows, we didn’t get to speak with the majority of our guests, and I didn’t take off the veil, I have come to the joyful realization that it is all OK.  It really is! I’m married to Darling Husband. I have a wonderful new family. For almost a year, I had the opportunity to put my heart and soul into planning my dream wedding and to enjoy every detail as I planned it. And I’ve learned to love many of the images that our photographer captured (with a little Photoshop help from another photographer friend).  Ironically, one of my very favorite images is of Darling Husband and me in the limo at the very end of the night. I am now SO thankful that I hadn’t taken off the veil, because it looks perfect against the black interior of the limo.

Over time, Darling Husband and I have had the opportunity to spend time with many of the people we did not have the opportunity to see and speak with at our wedding.  I also made an appointment after the wedding to have a formal bridal portrait taken without my veil, and it turned out beautifully.  I was able to provide pics of this shoot to my aunts and cousins who intitally had expressed disappointment about not having had the opportunity to really see my hair at the wedding.

Time really will help you to put all of the things that disappointed you into perspective. So will hearing all of the amazing reviews of your wedding from others.  THEY all had a magnificent time. It often just takes some time for those of us who were upset and disappointed to catch up with them.

Hang in there! It truly WILL be OK.

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