Post # 1
I’ve been kinda scared of what I’m going to do after the wedding. I’m totally wedding obsessed right now. Wedding planning, the Bee, and Pinterest take up most of my time!! I’m going to be so bored after the fact! I know a lot of bees feel this way.
Then I realized that I’m going to have something new and exciting to look forward to: living with my fiance/DH for the first time after our wedding. We purposefully chose not to live together before we got married because for us, we think it takes the spark out of being newly married. The way I see it is if I was living with him, and then we went out and had a big party (read: the wedding), went on a vacation, then went back to the same-old same-old, it wouldn’t be so fun. Now I’m really excited for after my wedding because the fun will never stop. First, we’ll be newlyweds and young and stupid. After the first few years of being newlywed and young, clumsy adults (we’re both 21/22 and freshly out of college right now), we’ll have our babies, and then we’ll watch our babies grow, and then watch our babies have babies and ahhh!! I’m so excited to get married!
I want to know how everyone else feels about the living-with-the-FI-before-marriage arrangements. Married and engaged bees. Did you regret your desicion to live with him before/not live with him before?
Disclaimer: No offense intended to any bees who chose to live with their SOs before getting married! I think it’s great if that’s what you wanted!!
Post # 3
We lived together beforehand and I’m glad that we did. We ended up moving right after we got married and I don’t think I could have handled the stress of that and living together for the first time all at once. But it’s great if that is what you want!
Post # 4
First of all, congratulations! I think it is totally cool when people make the decisions that are best for them. I didn’t want to live with Fiance before the wedding, but I accepted a job where he lived (we were long distance before). I was still paying rent in the other city, and rent is ridiculously high where we live now. So we had to make a financial decision and have lived together for a year. There have been a few times that I have said, “Do you think it will be less exciting once we arrive back home to the same lives?” He and I don’t think so, but I could see where people could have that problem. And, hey, we still might. He is gone for work all the time, and we see each other less now than we did while long distance. We are also closing on a house next week and will be a year away from TTC when we marry. So I feel like we still have some “newness” to look forward to after the wedding. That being said, I do worry about what I will do with all the free time now that I won’t be wedding planning! 🙂
Post # 5
I waited to live together before being married for several reasons but yes, one reason was because we wanted married life to be a totally brand new life after we said ” I do.” It always bummed me out when I asked a newly married couple how married life is and they said ” it’s the same” because they have been living together for awhile. It totally works for a lot of people and they wouldn’t change that but for me I am sooo glad we waited. It made the entire egagements process, finding a new home, registering, picking out furniture such a blast and we were giddy during that time and in our first months of being married and getting settled into our new home.
Post # 6
That is the sweetest story. Fiancé and I don’t live together either, going to be married in 2 weeks, then a week after he will leave to bootcamp 6 months later I can finally live with him and do everything newlyweds should do!!
Post # 7
We didn’t plan on it, but we do live together as an engaged couple. I can’t say I regret it really, I don’t really feel like it makes getting married any less exciting.
Most of the couples we know who waited to move in before getting married practically lived with their Fiance already…maintaining two addresses didn’t keep them from being together 24/7.
I do think it will be fun for you to move all your things in adding the new…throwing out the old and making it a place for both of you. It was certainly a fun time for me when I did that…even though we hadn’t tied the knot yet.
I do think living with someone first without talking marriage can be asking for trouble..but that’s a whole other topic. As far as wether I feel like I have nothing to look forward to…certainly not! One thing we look forward to doin once we are married is buying a place together in the near future, accumulating things we both love, to fill our home with. Currently it’s 75% bachelorre pad, 25% me. Could definetly use more of a woman’s touch one day.
We also look forward to having children one day if God sees that it happens for us. I think living together has taught me that what we have together is indeed an amazing thing, and that if it’s only ever just us, then I shall be content.
I’m not going into marriage expecting this picture perfect timeline of events…..I’m under no illusion that marriage will be perfect, or that there won’t be challenges. I’m sure your not either. But I think having delt with the challenges of marrying our living sitiation before actually marrying him…has sort of gotten that out of the way
Post # 8
We didn’t live together before the wedding. I definitely don’t regret not living with him first. It worked fine! I liked cohabitating.
Post # 9
We lived together beforehand and I’m glad but it did take some of the excitement away on the wedding day. People keep asking me what it’s like to be married and I’m kind of like “uh…the same as it was before? except I have his last name?” I’ve been trying to turn it into a joke like “Well, we’re a lot more sunburned than we used to be…” b/c I was getting tired of “Oh, same old same old.”
However, DH’s grandmother (the woman that raised him) is sick and we have been living with her before we got married and will continue to do so for the forseeable future (at least another 2 yrs) so even though we are married, I am very excited for our first house and stuff like that. I imagine it would feel very different if we had immediately moved after we got married. Before we got married though, I just kind of put my stuff separately from DH’s when I moved in and now that we are married, I plan to clean out closets and arrange things more like I’d like to have them since I kind of feel like I have more of a right to do that type of thing so I’m really excited for that!
It is kind of funny b/c in the last few days I’ve noticed that even though I spend just as much time on weddingbee as before, I tend to gravitate toward the TTC, newlyweds, and nesting boards without even realizing it!
Post # 10
I lived with my husband for 8 years before we were married and I don’t regret a second of it. We know each other so well and we know we can actually live together, i.e. not drive each other crazy with weird habits, snoring, chores, finances etc. Just little things that seem minor but can end relationships. As far as excitement, getting married was just as exciting, even after all this time 🙂 And yes it feels the same but it still feels like a new chapter in a way. The name change, the joint finances, the prospect of children is the future. But I am a person that would never consider marriage without living together first, but that’s just my opinion. I completely understand why people wait.
Post # 11
I lived with Darling Husband for about 3.5 years before we married, were engaged a lot of that time. Honestly, I would not have wanted to move in first after the wedding. I’m glad we got through a lot of the living stuff first. Things that seem trivial like throw pillows become an issue when you are living together and I am glad we got to know each other’s living (and decorating, cleaning, cookin, etc.) habits ahead of time. The shift to feeling married was not instant for me but about 3 months in I started to really feel married. We now live apart due to work but I don’t feel any less married and when I finish up my job and move to him I know we know how we work together. If we had waited until we were married to live together and he got this job opprutunity at 8 months in, I’m sure I would feel much less married now living on my own. I should also mention, all of my local friends live with their significant other and all have been together for at least 3 years, one other couple is married and one is engaged, 3 are in long term relaitonships, so it is the norm in my circle.
Post # 12
Move in day is SATURDAY! Probably more nervous about that than the wedding. We have not lived together yet. We will have 2 weeks practice before the wedding. Logistically due to school and FH’s sons, we needed to do it now as opposed to after the wedding. Had no intentions of moving in together any sooner than how it has worked out.
Post # 13
@allegrovivo: We did it exactly the way you are, and I totally hear ya. He wanted me to live with him, but I wasn’t ready, and by the time I was, we were engaged and we decided it made sense to just wait. We bought our house while planning our wedding (man was that crazy), and then after our honeymoon, we moved into our house. It’s been almost 9 months now of newlywed life, and we’re still experiencing new things every day! Lots and lots of excitement. I’ll tell you though, I’m on weddingbee all the time to channel my wedding planning juices. 🙂 That helps.
Post # 14
We lived together for 5 years before we got married. I don’t regret it for a minute. For us, it helped us work out a lot of problems, pre marriage.
Post # 15
We lived together for almost 6 years, I think, before getting married. Definitely the right decision for us. It’s certainly true that, as a result, the wedding didn’t change our day-to-day lives as much as it would have otherwise. But for us, the benefits outweighted the disadvantages by a lot. I’m really glad we got the first-year kinks worked out before the wedding.
Post # 16
My ex-H and I NEVER lived together before marriage…my parents are very old fashioned. It took a LONG time to adjust to living with each other. BTW I had my own apartment for a couple of years while with him but he NEVER stayed the night.
Darling Husband and I lived together before marriage. He didn’t see anything wrong with it considering he’s lived with like 4 of his ex-GFs. It took some getting used to as well because I didn’t feel as though I should play the “wifey” role if we weren’t even engaged. I wanted him to look forward to us getting married. I actually kept my clothes in a seperate room and had my own bathroom. He says it’s way better now that my stuff is all over the place.