- 5 years ago
- Wedding: May 2016
So SO and I went to our first wedding of the summer last night. And I was having a really good night, having fun and not letting the waiting crazies get to me. But then I got far too drunk. Oops. Something SO said about a unrelated topic made me upset, so he wanted to go outside and talk. And suddenly everything I’ve bottled up about wanting to get engaged was spilling out. As I’ve mentioned in a previous post, I’ve tried once before to talk to him about this and it didn’t really get us anywhere. Last night I told him I was frustrated because he never wants to talk about it, and I have no idea how he feels about anything. We’ve been together for four years, and all I knew was he wants to get married ‘someday’.
And all he says is he has no plans, and he doesn’t like to think too far into the future. And that weddings are too expensive and both of us need to be further in our careers, and that isn’t it the bride’s father who is to pay for things (what????) and that he thinks my father hates him so he doesn’t want to ask him (he doesn’t). I told him I don’t care about a ring, or a fancy wedding, and that we can get engaged before we can afford a wedding. I don’t even need a wedding at all, I just want to marry him.
He did keep saying he does want to marry me, he wants to be with me forever, that he always refers to me as ‘the wife’ to his coworkers. Then he said it will happen within 5 years, and he doesn’t want to ruin the surprise (even though he has no plans) by saying more.
5 years?? I told him I didn’t expect a ring tomorrow, but I don’t think I can wait 5 years (we’ve already been together for 4, and we’re in our mid/late twenties).
Gargh. Anyways this talking ended with me bawling my eyes out, and us leaving the reception early. I also said some not nice things about wanting to spend the night somewhere else.
I apologized this morning for being a crazy, and he said we can pretend it never happened. But everything is out there now, and I’m worried he won’t be able to forget it. And a part of me wishes I could say more, express my timeline desires.
I know that was long, thank you for reading. I just don’t know where to go from here. He really is the love of my life, we do have a wonderful relationship, and I know I will never leave. Just not doing so well with this waiting thing.