(Closed) post wedding blues- damage control?

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
3969 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@witchbaby:  He wants to marry you but “has no plans? and doesn’t want to think about it?” I realize he might be trying to throw you off, but no girl likes hearing that!

Post # 4
Member
746 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

It’s too bad that he wants to “pretend it never happened.” Although you might not be proud of the way it came out, it sounds like everything you said was true and you don’t WANT him to forget it! I think that now would be a good time to set him straight — tell him which things you said after the wedding were true, and which were not true, so he knows what’s what. Then tell him how you envision things: him getting you a ring that costs $____ or less, whether you want to help pick it out or not, and who you think should pay for the wedding (IMO, it’s best if the bride’s parents pay for their portion of the guests, groom’s parents pay for their portion of the guests, and the bride and groom pay for their friends. Take the total cost of the wedding and split it up by those ratios.)

Honestly, sometimes dudes just don’t know this stuff, and we have to help them out a little. Can you try to come up with a timeline together? Maybe you can say that you think you are ready for a proposal within the next year, and ask him if he feels the same way?

Post # 6
Member
5065 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2014

Aww, I really feel for you. I’m a little worried he wants to pretend it never happened. and to wait 5 years….oh yikes, that’s a long time.  It did happen and you were honest with your feelings. If it was me I couldn’t just leave it I’d have to talk properly. Best of luck.

Post # 7
Member
363 posts
Helper bee

That’s rough, I’m sorry you had to go through that. I know how you feel, though! I’ve been hoping for at least a discussion of marriage after dating and overcoming all kinds of challenges together for 3.3 years, but nope! He won’t even talk about it and I think about it every day. He changes the subject any time I try to gently breach the subject. You’re totally not alone. 

I am, however, making progress. I started typing a word document where any time I feel like I just HAVE to talk about it, I write down what I would say (usually just because of jealousy or being overly emotional haha) and then when I go back and read it, I realize it was silly to let it get to me. I definitely suggest this strategy! Writing it down gets things off my mind and keeps me from nagging the BF every single day. That and just acting indifferent about wedding related stuff. Instead of swooning over rings and going all “UGH I wish WE were the ones getting married and not so-and-so!” (like you want to) when you go to or hear about a wedding just be like “yeah whatever good for them” and he’ll start to think twice and maybe realize he shouldn’t just assume you’ll sit around and wait until he decides something that should really be a mutual decision. Good luck :).

Post # 8
Member
104 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I know you posted this a week ago so have you two had another conversation?

Post # 9
Member
2224 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

Wow after 4 years and he’s saying another 5? I personally wouldn’t put up with that. But that’s just me lol. My clock is ticking, ya know??

Post # 10
Member
3421 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I call bS. He doesn’t want to get married. expecting you to wait 9 YEARS is rediculous. I have explained to my SO what it is like for a woman to be waiting that long. how people look at her. *Marge Simpson Voice*Hmmmmm….

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