Post # 1
I am a bit embarassed to write this post, but I was hoping that someone who had been here before could help me. We had a gorgeous wedding – perfect weather and everyone had a great time. What has been nagging at me is that my husband and I had a huge fight the day before the wedding.
Picture it: the day before the wedding I leave him to go get a blowout for our Rehearsal Dinner (which was huge -70 people) and ask him to pick up the U-Haul and start packing it so we can leave for our hotel (~ 1hour away). While I’m gone, he doesn’t do anything that needs to be done, even though I am an hour late coming back due to traffic. When I get back I realize that he hasn’t even picked up the U-Haul and we get into a big fight, because he can’t explain how he spent the two hours, and the delay winds up making us miss the final venue meeting, tux pick up, Out of Town box drop off at the hotels (meaning the half of our guests who were checking in the day beore may or may not have gotten their boxes with the shuttle schedule in them). He also hadn’t taken a shower or packed the things he was supposed to wear for the wedding the next day. We were almost 4 hours off schedule and late for our own rehearsal.
We never fight, and this was awful. Even hough I know he didn’t do it on purpose, his totally dropping the ball threw me for a loop, considering that he’s been really attentive and involved in the planning. I freaked out and wondered if he didn’t want to marry me anymore, or something crazy. It was ust so out of character, and his actions started a domino effect that really did affect the wedding. To make it worse, we got into a fight in the pasking lot of our Rehearsal Dinner venue (which was outdoors) because we realized we forgot the groomsmen, parents’ and readers’ gifts in all the confusion. So, my bridal party and our families knew we were fighting, which was embarassing. We stayed up half he night talking things through and made up and had a gorgeous wedding day, but I still feel sick over the fact that we had a fight. Because of the fight and the lateness, we didn’t sleep more than 2 hours the night before the wedding, I missed out on staying up with my Maid/Matron of Honor and best friends the night before the wedding (we shared a suite), and I got sick basically just after the wedding and for half the honeymoon(which my have happened anyway).
We’ve been married for a month, and I still feel ashamed and disappointed that this overshadows my feelings asbout our wedding, even though the day itself was beautiful and I was very “in the moment” and enjoyed it. I love my husband and I want to get past this so we can remember our wedding for all the good. Can you offer any advice?
Sorry this is so long!!
Post # 3
I’d have to say you had a test and you both passed. This demonstrates to me that you two are a good unit. Sometimes in relationships (marriage, friendship, whatever) we have bad times and if you can work through them together as a team, you’ll come out stronger on the other side. You guys had a bad day, you had a fight, it snowballed, but you did the right thing and worked through it and the next day, you got married to your best friend. You’ve demonstrated you’re in it for the long haul. The timing was definitely bad, I totally agree, but I think the lesson learned is way more important than the action itself 🙂
Post # 4
Okay I’m not married yet, but most of my friends are – and almost every. single. one of them had some huge blowout the week/night before the wedding. It’s the culmination of SO much stress, and such a bit commitment, that I think it’s natural to freak the heck out a bit and blow up at each other. One friend (who is on the Bee and shall remain nameless 😉 ) had such a huge fight with her Darling Husband the night of the Rehearsal Dinner, *I* drove her there instead of him because she was about to scratch his eyes out. It happens. It’s normal. Don’t let the guilt/shame of this affect your marriage now – it’s over, your wedding day was beautiful, so move on. Definitely talk to HIM about it too as I’m sure he’ll say “what fight? oh, that?” or somehow help you to move on and process it. After all, that’s his job now! Hugs!
Post # 5
oh i’m so sorry to hear this 🙁 I hope you can focus on the positive aspects of your day and try to find a way to forget or just not think about this. That’s the best advice I can give you: when you start to dwell on this, force yourself to start thinking about a part of the day that makes you happy. we all have things about our weddings that, when we look back on them, get us heated. And that’s how i deal with it, and it works really well! I think what you went through was normal, hell i would have ripped him a new one if my (then) Fiance had pulled something like that! the time before a wedding is stressful and emotions can run high. You’ll get past it 🙂
Post # 6
I think you need to remember this: Your wedding is only one day of a very, very long relationship. I honestly think we put waaaay too much pressure on making it the “best day ever”. If we didn’t you two wouldn’t have had that fight, and you wouldn’t be obsessing over it to this day. I say, remember that you have a lot more “best days of your life” to plan and focus on, and let this go.
Post # 7
Its okay that you fought – couples do that- and it just so happened that you got into a fight the day before your wedding. Im sure it was a stressful weekend for you guys. I know that I was very stressed out and had so many things to do in the few days leading up to the wedding. The whole day of our rehearsal dinner was SO stressful and it was overwhelming. I actually didnt see my husband the majority of that day until we saw each other for our rehearsal. I definitely snapped at my mom at some point during that day and Im sure if my husband had been around there could have been a possibility of that.
The important thing is that you were able to talk through whatever was going on, move past it, and truly enjoy your wedding! That must mean that you are a strong and committed couple and a true testament to the strength of your marriage even so early on.
If it makes you feel better – right after our wedding we took a boat from our reception to the hotel. It was really dark and a storm was rolling in and we ended up getting lost. I was really scared and had a panic attack and started crying. Afterwards I felt ridiculous. I couldnt believe that I Had cried on my wedding day!! But looking back it was the first difficult thing we got through as a married couple. Im sure everyone has something similar to this – you have nothing to worry about and as time goes on, you will dwell on this less and less! Good luck 🙂
Post # 8
Guys, thanks so much for the support. Your replies really helped me see that I have a choice about how I remember this and I need to think of the positive and remember that we are human – we make mistakes and get into fights, and it doesn’t make life any less wonderful.
I also sat down and watched our video and remembered all the wonderful moments of that day and how happy we were. That helped too.
Thank you for taking the time out of your days to help a bee out!