(Closed) Post wedding depression/newly wed depression?

posted 5 years ago in Married Life
Post # 2
233 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

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lindseynicole:  I totally feel you, we got married 6.5 months ago and for a couple months after i struggled. We had a long engagement which means for 18 months it was all wedding focus and then our one amazing day was done. It took me a while to get back into the groove of doing other things and pulling myself out of the rut. Find yourself something to keep your mind occupied on those quiet nights, weather it be a hobby or even just a good book. I have decided I will be running a marathon next year so during one of my particularly lonely days I got in and signed up for a coupld of fun runs and a half marathon (which come to think of it is next weekend eeeeekk!!)

Keep smiling, you will get through it. 

Post # 3
9524 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

I’m sorry bee. Hugs

Post # 4
336 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

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lindseynicole:  hugs to you, bee! i hope things get better for you.

i have read plenty of blogs that talk about life post-wedding, and it sounds what you are going through is common. it’s a huge life change. 

i don’t think people are necessarily avoiding you, i think they are giving you your space as a newlywed. 

also yes, it is normal to feel a bit lonely in your marriage. instead of wallowing in it, i suggest you use that as a motivator to contact your friends and go out with them. even though you are marrried now, a husband can’t be your everything.

Post # 5
653 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

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lindseynicole:  It’s a huge adjustment but don’t let all of the emotions get the best of you. It does get easier. But like PPs have said I don’t think your family and friends are ignoring you but giving you space as a newlywed. Tell them you don’t need as much space as they are giving you and make an effort to go out with them.  

Is it normal for your husband to be out most of nights with friends or work? Ask him if maybe one of the nights he goes out with friends if the two of you can go out instead. Just because you’re married doesn’t mean the relationship will take care of itself, you still have to make quality time for eachother so what you have continues to grow. That was something I had to tell DH and even still to this day. Not so much with friends and work but he’ll be online for most of the time when he’s home with me. I had to tell him just because we’re in the same room physically doesn’t mean you’re actually present. He still doesn’t get it all the time but it’s gotten better. Anyways, give that a try and just remember it will get better. 

Post # 6
9050 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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lindseynicole:  Did any of the things that didn’t go as planned at your wedding have anything to do with the people avoiding you? If they did could this be the reason they are avoiding you?

If not I know a lot of people like to give newlyweds their space. Have you actually reached out to these people? 

Post # 7
211 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

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lindseynicole:  this may be the unpopular opinion but you state your husband should be enough to make you happy but I disagree. I think you should be happy on your own and your husband should be a happy addition to your life. Basically you said you need a man to be happy. This is a time to explore and discover who you really are. I think you will be happier once you do that. 

Post # 8
313 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

You’re 21, why do feel like all you need is a husband to make you happy? Just because you’re married your family and friends cease to exist? Just because you’re married you have to stay home while your husband goes out with his friends? If your husband is allowed to spend nights out with friends why can’t you? Or why don’t you go out with him and his friends? You say they’re avoiding you, but how proactive have you been in trying to talk or see them since the wedding? 

It doesn’t sound like you have post wedding blues, it sounds like you’re lonely. I don’t understand why you’re alienating yourself? 

Post # 9
2171 posts
Buzzing bee

I got married in May and went thru some depression in June so I totally understand you. Mine was partly due to being laid off for the month and having added financial stress. Here are my tips. 

Call your friends and family to make plans to hang out. You can’t rely soley on your husband to make you happy. If he is going out with his friends, you go out with yours! Its important to keep those relationships nurtured, and they don’t know you are feeling lonely unless you tell them. I think its healthy to have time away from your spouse, I wish I had more time away from mine!

Find some new hobbies, or plan something to look forward to like a concert you both want to attend or a short trip in a few months, whatever you can afford. This gives you something to look forward to and think about when you feel down. New hobbies are great too. Is there something you have always wanted to learn, a skill or a craft? Sign up to take a class! Or watch some videos on youtube. You must nuture yourself in order to be happy. Maybe you can start a small garden, learn a new cooking technique, start painting/knitting/sewing, take some dance classes/work out classes/karate etc….some libraries offer free classes for a mutlitude of different things from basic Office programs to 3d printing, look up your area and see if something draws your eye. Or you can look online for free classes that might interest you. There is so much available to us now, we just have to find it. 

You are in complete control of how you feel. Meaning, when you feel down you can choose to get your mind off of it and do something else, even going for a walk can be helpful. Or you can choose to do nothing and continue to cry yourself to sleep. Like I said, i understand how you feel, I was there myself not too long ago. I even made a post on here about it and got all the same advice I am giving you. Start small at first and do something that is easy for you, like taking a walk or calling a friend to just talk. It will get easier the more you do these things. 

Good luck, op. 

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