- 5 years ago
- Wedding: August 2013
You’ve provided some great advice in the past, so I hope you’ll once again be able to help!
In short, mum was MIA during most of the wedding preparations (not at all in character). Dad was present, but furious as my PIL hadn’t offer to help with the wedding. The entire experience was so stressful, painful and shocking that I ended up returning to Canada despite the fact that I had originally planned to spend two months in Sweden after the wedding (details here). I got the advice that I would let time heal my wounds, and it was sound advice – I feel so much better now. However, all the time I’ve felt like a bit of a coward for not talking to my parents about how I feel and try to get a sense of why they behaved like they did. So last week I pulled on my big girls pants and sent mum an email trying to start a conversation (first since the wedding). I got a short email back saying she was angry and annoyed during the wedding and that she has now settled on “disappointed”. No explanation to why though. So I wrote back and suggested we would talk about it in Skype. However, my mum replied with a one-liner saying that she only wants to talk about it in person. This is difficult for a number of reasons:
1) I’m in Canada and she’s in Sweden
2) I don’t feel like going back there right now and no official trip has been planned
3) And here’s where it gets complicated. My grandma (dads mum) is so angry at my parents for the wedding that she has decided that she won’t spend her 85th birthday in December with them, neither Christmas or New Years. Instead she wants to come here. This is pretty much a miracle (she’s not been on a plane for 12 years since a bad flight incident that we both thankfully survived), but she wants me to go there and fetch her. So, although no tickets have been purchased at this point, I’m do plan to go back in December to pick her up. This means I could have a heart to heart with my parents. Problem is, she has told me that I cannot tell them she’s going until she has the tickets (mid October, she needs to get cleared by her doctor). I already know that dad will lose it when he hears about it, so I’m starting to feel rather stressed.
Now, this is what I have so far – I’m thinking I’ll reply to mum and say that I might go back to Sweden in connection to grandma’s birthday and that I’m willing to meet and talk to them then. I know I’m not being totally honest, but at least I’m not lying by saying that I have no idea when I’ll set foot there again. Then I just take the rage that comes my way once grandma has dropped the bomb. What do you bees think I should do? It’s all so messed up that I just don’t know what foot to stand on, all I know is that I need to reply to mums message about a face to face meeting and I don’t want to lie or break a confidence!