- 3 years ago
I need to write this because I need to know I’m not alone…
Today is the day after my wedding. The wedding was beautiful, the venues were perfect, it did rain (oh well) and it was so good to see so many friends I haven’t seen in so long.
I am a whirlwind of emotions. Absolutely just emotional as ever.
For one, everything about myself went wrong that day. My hair turned out way different and worse than I hoped, my make up was just not “me” , I definitely wished I did everything myself because I was not at my best, and I could t recognize myself. My dress was altered wrong and made me look bigger, it was not comfortable I was tugging on it all night and I was uncomfortable from rain and being wet and damp and grey…. I looked so much better at my rehearsal than I did on my day and I know my husband has been waiting our entire engagement to see what I looked on that very day, only to look nothing like we probably both expected. How do I get over being so disappointed in those things? Or how long until it will go away! I’m focusing on remembering that it’s about our marriage and the bigger picture but it only helps so much. Your wedding is where you are supposed to feel so incredibly beautiful for your future hubby while your joining your lives together and I hated everything about myself.
In addition to that, I have had so many emotions (even after a long nap). Anxiety, depression, anxious, just crying so much. It’s a feeling in my heart similar to heartbreak. I am so happy and excited I married my husband I truly know he is the one, there is absolutely no doubt, but I am so emotional and sad today. I talked with him about how nothing turned out how I wanted when it came to myself and he of course said I looked beautiful but I know deep down he was expected a me more “me” than what it ended up being and it crushes me I looked like a made up doll, filled with a bad hair do and tons of make up.
I was so worried if everyone was having fun and trying to make sure my family and his family felt loved, and like we gave them enough attention for how much they helped out financially and in general….
There was so much stimulation that I know I’m probably over exhausted from a such intense emotion filled day, but I am wondering if anybody else has felt this emotional the day after theirs? Or wishing you could just start the day over and do something’s different and how long it took those feelings to fade. I broke down crying before and after my nap, after being intimate with my new hubby, looking at photos from the night, it’s just all chaos in my mind right now.
We showered and went out to dinner this evening and it just feels different. It’s crazy it actually feels different like woah were married and it’s real now. We are so incredibly in love and I know we will have an amazing marriage, he is deeply in love with me as he tells me so often but I feel like he could sense my insecurities all night and it made him sad about the day knowing I was sad. This post is all over the place, and for that I’m sorry I just needed to get this out….
Im aware this potentially could be a deeper mental health issue and may sound over obsessive and dramatic 🙁