(Closed) Post-wedding friendships…

posted 9 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
2365 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I’ve heard of this actually … which is why I’m choosing to have no bridesmaids and my sister as my Maid/Matron of Honor.

 I consider my fiance to be my bestfriend … also my mom

Post # 4
Member
606 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I think it works both ways – maybe try and get ahold of some of them and make arrangements to get together? I know that my friend who I chose as my Maid/Matron of Honor I hadn’t seen in months prior to her wedding in July and we have picked up where we left off.

 

– Bella

Post # 5
Member
4001 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I hear about this happening all the time!  I don’t know why it happens.  My friends have tried to understand it and what they gathered was that jealousy had something to do with it, as her bridesmaids were single.  Others didn’t want to intrude on the newly married couples settling down process.  And yet others were resentful or bitter about how the bride acted and vice versa so the relationship dissolved as soon as all the formalities were over.  Kinda sad, but just know its normal.

Post # 6
Member
175 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Once I got serious with my fiance (like living together and basically being married emotionally) I friends began to disappear.  I think it is just a natural phase of life.  We still have plenty of close friends and now we know who will really stick by our sides.    

Post # 7
Member
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I’ve remained friends with 7 out of 9 brides that I was a bridesmaid for. 

One of them was my college roommate and she dropped off the face of the Earth the day after the wedding.  I thought for months that it was something I did or didn’t do wedding related.  Then I ran into another Bridesmaid or Best Man and she said the same thing.  It has been 8 years and I’ve only talked to her once since then.  I found her on Myspace and emailed her.  She replied back once and then never again.

The second Bride I was college friends with and tried really hard to remain friends with her.  But she kept scheduling to meet for dinner and not show up.  Sometimes she would call and let me know other times I would sit at the place by myself.  To top it off I attended all showers, wedding and her 30th bday party.  She has yet to come to anything of mine.  So I’ve now decided to leave her in my past.

I think people tend to just go their own ways in life.  Sometimes they flutter in and out.  So don’t take it too personally.

Post # 8
Member
559 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I would also say, that although I’m not married yet, I have had close friends get married and sometimes I feel like I want to give them some “just the two of them” time. Even after the honeymoon I don’t like to call them up right away and start asking a million questions. Of course, this isn’t like that forever, but for the first month or two after the wedding I try not to pry too much and let them enjoy being newlyweds without worrying about getting together with other people. Plenty of time for that later! 😉 Maybe your friends are doing the same thing?

Post # 9
Member
699 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I think there was a short period where I “dropped off the face of the earth”…maybe like the week we got back from the honeymoon. We were just so busy doing stuff and “being married” that I didn’t have time to talk to everyone right then.

Things got back to normal soon after and I talk and hang out with my girlfriends just as much as before. I think it is all in how you handle it and actually making the time for the important people in your life 🙂

Post # 10
Member
614 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2010

I’ve only lost contact with one girl I was a bridesmaid for. It was almost a surprise to me to be asked to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man for her anyway. It was very hard to keep up our post-college friendship, because we were both busy–especially her. We’d always lived in the same town, but she just never could meet up. Then totally quit answering phone calls and FB messages, and then I saw she moved back to our hometown. I don’t really take it personally. I don’t know what happened, but she seems happy!

I am recently married and i have caught up with each of my 8 bridesmaids either by phone or in person since the wedding. But that’s just how I am, I am big on keeping in touch and so are they. Granted, 3 of the girls are planning their weddings for this next year and I’m a bridesmaid for them, so that probably has partly to do with it. 🙂 I do hope to stay close with them– they’re all really good friends and family!

 

i do have to say before I was married myself, I felt bad contacting my newly married friends. I worried about intruding on their “married life.” I thinks some people felt that was toward me too.But on the other side, after I caught up on sleep from the honeymoon flight home I was definitely ready to see and talk to friends, so I picked up the phone and got on the computer to reach out to them first.

 

Post # 11
Member
5823 posts
Bee Keeper

Maybe it could be that they feel like they don’t have anything in common anymore?  Once you’re married, you have a whole new set of issues and problems and excitement and celebrations in your life that single ladies just can’t relate to.  It can be especially hard for them if they’re still navigating the dating world, and then they come hang out with the bride and her “perfect world” of marriage and such.  I know the same thing happens to people who have kids.  Once they have babies, all their friends become disinterested in their lives.  There’s usually a label ascribed like “boring married person” or “boring parents.”  Don’t take it personal, it just may take some convincing that you’re the same person you were, your life is just a little more complex now!

Post # 12
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I know this is an old post but I was thinking about this lately.

I feel like all my married friends are too busy being married to hang out anymore. They’re no fun =(. We invite them out, they NEVER come. They never invite anybody else out with them either. The one-way street gets old fast. I email/call, etc, and my contact doesn’t get returned. Sigh.

You need your husband, but you need your friends, too.

I make a good effort to go out with my non-married friends and I know they appreciate me NOT holing up with my husband all the time! I make sure i invite them to happy hours and it’s a vice versa thing. I may not get invited out to EVERYTHING but that makes it that much easier to say “yes” when i do =]

Post # 13
Member
5388 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

I feel the same way as MsHymanRoth. My FH and my Mama are my best friends. Although I am not married yet, something similar happened to me when my FH and I were the only couple still together from high school after college.

Sometimes people try to back away because they feel like you have new responsibilities as a wife and they don’t want to get in the way of that. Maybe you should tell them that you miss them and you want to hang out.

Post # 14
Member
1051 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I personally have had old friends come out of the woodwork once they found out I was engaged.  I think some of them just want to be invited to the wedding and some view it almost as a competition.  When it comes to friends, we’re only inviting the ones we’ve both met.  If any of our older friends couldn’t be bothered to visit or get together in the yr and a half we’ve been together, they don’t need to be at the wedding.

Post # 15
Member
1220 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

I posted about this the other day.  I had realized that my Maid/Matron of Honor and I have really nothing in common anymore and I was the one that was having a hard time hanging out with her.  I’ve realized some of my best friends are GF/wives of people I’ve met through my husband.  I still have some super close friends that I’ve always had but those “life long” friends are peetering out.

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