Post # 1
I’ve never posted here and I really hate to start off on a negative but I really need some support here. I had my big day last week and it was an amazing day. As the day was going on the only negative I could see was that it was going so fast I wished I could slow it down and take it all in more!
But a couple of days later, as guest photos started to flood in, crippling anxiety started to creep in and it will not leave me alone. I couldn’t have been happier with my hair and make up at the start of the day but straight after the ceremony was done, the groom and I were ushered off to a jetty for photos. It was pretty windy and we did have a short discussion with the photographer and wedding coordinator about it beforehand but ultimately the decision was made to head straight down there for photos. Before the wedding we were told we would only have use of the jetty until 5pm (ceremony was 3.30pm so we were on a time limit) but now I wish I had queried if we could have done it a little later after all of the group shots as my hair got severely blown about and my lovely curly fringe went loose and wavy. It looks awful in some photos, and then fine in others, and I’m sure the photographer got all the best angles but the fact is it lost its original look and I’m so distraught over it. The rest of my hair was fine – I had a little ringlet at the other side and the rest was pinned up but this one side just got totally ruined in my opinion and it’s tearing me apart. On the day I asked the groom and maid of honour if it was okay and they said yes, and since then I have been seeking reassurance from everyone I can and they have all told me it was fine and my hair still looked good and that they would have told me if they thought otherwise, but still the pain continues that I worked soooo hard to make this day perfect and it ended with me feeling like I was the one thing that was imperfect. It’s also frustrating as with the stress and excitement of everything I just don’t think I was in the right place for making such a decision on the spot and I feel quite a lot of anger for the photographer and the coordinator for not being more rational than I was and preventing my hair going loose!
I’m now dreading my professional photographs and already I have made married life miserable for my husband and I as I have been so overwhelmed by it. Please could someone offer some advice on how to move on from this and enjoy our first Christmas married without thinking about it every minute of the day? Can anyone relate? Thanks In Advance
Post # 2
seek perspective. does it *really* matter if your hair looks a little wonky in some of your photos? is this something that will even be on your radar in a year? when you look at the photos of your wedding was it your hair that made those moments precious?
some of my favorite wedding photos also feature my charming back fat (you know the little spillover that larger ladies get). do i love that part of the picture? no. is it the first thing i see when i look at the picture? sometimes. but when i look at the picture as a whole i see me with my sisters i hadn’t seen in 15+ years. i see my husband and i framed by mountains and a moody sky. i see the love and support we received on that day. try to look at your photos with fresh eyes and hopefully you will be able to move past the hair.
Post # 3
I hope this doesn’t come across as too harsh: knock off the worrying about your hair! You’ve already admitted that you’re making life miserable for your brand-new husband. You married the guy you wanted, right? Focus on making his life happier.
And, you could be undergoing chemo, worrying about your health & if you will survive, and you would have no hair. Plenty of people do get married with no hair at all.
Post # 4
You’re obsessing over a very small detail of a day you enjoyed. Stop thinking about it. Stop talking it about it. Just wait for the photos and I’m sure it will be fine.
Agree with PP who said will this matter in a year. I think that’s a really good way to frame a problem and get some perspective.
Post # 5
I can relate to this a little. I have very thick, stubborn hair that won’t hold curls, so I decided for my wedding I wanted a blowout. I figured it’d look nice and I wouldn’t really have to worry about it. I booked my appointment with a salon I had never been to (got married back in hometown and previous hair stylist was gone) and when I arrived I learned they did not book me for a blowout and didn’t have time to wash my hair. So I showed the woman what I was going for and she did my hair. It. Looked. Awful. Nothing like the picture I showed her. I saw my husband right after that to get his opinion and he agreed it was just not for me. I went home, showered and blew my hair straight.
In some photos my hair looked great and in others it just looked okay. But after the wedding I definitely had some regret about having just “regular” straight hair than something fancy. I wondered if I should’ve told the stylist to do something else or even just straighten it nice for me. I actually had dreams about my wedding hair it bothered me so much.
Two years later and I’m now 100% happy with my hair decision and how it looked in photos, even in the photos it didn’t look so great in. I really think it just takes time. We all have such high hopes about how great we’ll look on our big day and when it doesn’t live up to expectations it’s disappointing. I also think it’s easier to look back on the day when you’ve had some time being married and know what great things would come afterward.
But one temporary solution that might make you feel better is to get some professional photos taken of you and your husband. Maybe Christmas-themed to celebrate your first Christmas together as a couple? Then you’ll have photos of the two of you with your hair as you’d like and that can distract you from the wedding photos. I thought about doing this after I got married. I’ve also heard of some couples doing post-wedding shots in their wedding attire if they didn’t like their photos or something big changed, like they lost a lot of weight. Essentially a redo. But I think you just need to give it time.
Post # 6
We had photos on the beach. My hair was a mess. I was bummed about it after the wedding too. That was ages ago. Not bothered now. If you look brides always come here a day or two after the wedding and worry about some detail. If could somehow wind back time would I make sure my hair was fixed and my groom had his buttonhole on the right way and my music started at the right time. Yes I would. I don’t think of it now at all unless I’m in the bee. It matters not a jot. Just pick your favourite photos and dont worry.
Post # 7
Thanks so much to you all. I completely get that things could have been worse and I know my original post probably sounds a little precious when yes, I have been very lucky and it could have been worse. I think it probably didn’t help that I watched my Maid of Honour get married last year and she had a perfectly still day and no huge malfunctions so I have felt quite alone. Also the fact it has been a crazy stressful year financially, emotionally with family issues, physically/health-wise, etc., so I put my all into the day and expected this huge feeling of elation after it all and I’ve totally tortured myself over my hair! But yes, perspective. I married the love of my life and it was a perfect day otherwise. Other little things happened but they just didn’t bother me the same way!
Post # 8
I’m sorry this is eating away at you. Honestly I have read some awful, horrible, shocking wedding related stories on here. Like things people never think of can get so incredibly f-ed up ( just read one there the caterer thought the wedding was the FOLLOWING weeekend and this was only discovered like 1 hour prior to dinner…) I can’t even imagine! If the hair was the one and only thing I honestly think that compared to others you are lucky. I know that’s not very encouraging but based on what I’ve read it’s pretty common to have one thing go wrong. I bet that you will get lots of pics you do like and can edit ones you dont! I think once you see the finals you will feel better…
Post # 9
underice : My pro photos had a lot of backlit photos with the sun streaming in–which is lovely, but it showed every little hair and it made my hair look pretty frizzy in some of them. I just photoshopped it 🙂
Post # 10
It sounds more like post-wedding let-down. You say that you worked so hard to make everything perfect, and had a huge feeling of elation… but that feeling will go away after the wedding no matter what. It cannot go on forever. I think that if your hair had been perfect, you would have fixated on something else you cannot change. So let it go and relax. I promise that a year from now, let alone two or three, this won’t matter at all.
Post # 11
echomomm : I think you are probably right, my husband did say that I would have picked on something. It’s hard to believe because It feels so unjust and it wasn’t something I predicted going wrong but I’m hoping it eases and I am happy when we recieve our photos
Post # 12
whatever the issue is, it’s not really your hair. you’re just deflated after planning a huge event. get some sleep and chill out. you won’t care about this in a few weeks.
Post # 13
just deleted my original post as being too harsh now I see your update
Post # 14
I can relate. My hair was a waterfall braid + curled to oblivion on our wedding day but by the end of the night with the humidity my curls flattened and it was a stringy mess…plus in some photos you can kind of see my clip in extensions! (Cringed so hard at those photos!) I can sympathize how you’re feeling, but like other bees mentioned above, in a few years it won’t matter because its such a tiny detail in a big, important day! Give it some time bee, the feeling will pass
Post # 15
I look back on my photos now and my hair went frizzy within about twenty minutes of me arriving for the ceremony! At first I was a bit annoyed that no one told me but now I just laugh- what can you do? I had a great day, I love my husband and everything else went pretty smoothly. That’s just my hair, it’ll do what it wants no matter how much ‘anti-frizz’ stuff my stylist puts on it! I agree with other posters, it sounds like post-wedding let-down.. just try and enjoy not having all the stress any more! 🙂