(Closed) Post-wedding: Have your friendships with single friends changed?

posted 9 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I think my single friends stopped hanging out with me as much when i got engaged…i see pictures on facebook of them going ‘out’ and i’m very keen that i wasn’t invited out and never am anymore. Then again, this could also be the stark difference of college vs out of college and how convenient it is amongst other things. I hung out a lot more with the girls in college.

It sucks particularly b/c I don’t even LIVE with my husband and I’m not one of those people who invites herself out to tag along with other people. But yes, I’d like go out out for a few drinks and dancing on a Saturday night occassionally.

I hardly ever see my friends who have SO’s. They’re so wrapped up, they decline most of my invitations to get together which is really frustrating. They’re so busy, but it sucks when your friends get pushed to the wayside. Long story short, I miss my friends but I’m getting tired of doing all the initiating and am curious to see what happens over the next year.

It’s awkward with our friends with SO’s because while i’m friends with her, my husband is not friends with her SO and i’m not friends with his friend’s SOs, so somebody is always the awkward turtle.

 

Post # 4
Member
1205 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

I only have a few single-single friends. Others are married or in long-term relationships. Nothing has changed with this particular single friend I’m thinking of. She’s been a good to both of us and even hangs out with my husband’s best guy friend when we’re not around. Usually we’ll all hang out in a big group and when it’s just us or just girlfriends we still have a good time. I would attribute this to her not being one of those people who always wants to be dating someone.

Post # 5
Member
137 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2008

I’m the first one out of my group of friends to get married and I have to say that I dont see them as often. I dont think its because I got married but more because I moved about an hour on the subway from them.

Post # 6
Bee
1048 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2009 - City Hall

Sadly, I think my friendships (and mr. mj’s with his friends) changed as soon as we moved in together. Not purposely, but we just don’t do as much with our friends any more. Partially it’s due to our couplehood/electing to do things together or around the house instead. But it’s also due to us both being super busy with school I think. Most of our friends either didn’t go to school, or they’re done with it.

Post # 7
Member
1883 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I just think in general as you get older your priorities change-I don’t remember my mom having a gaggle of girlfriends when I was growing up. Everyone just starts doing their own things, and bff’s aren’t center stage. I will always love my friends-but when you have a mortgage,kids,bills,fixing up a house or whatever-hanging out can’t be a priority ( but oh I would love it to be!) I don’t think it’s marriage necessarily-although if you are doing all of these when you are single you might depend on your friends for support more than those who have SO’s-which can get sticky.

Post # 8
Member
63 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

i’m really glad to see this post. i have been feeling weird since my fiance and i finally moved in together – like i don’t talk to people or see them as much. but reading this (and talking to others) it seems like it’s pretty common. if i go out every night and have drinks with friends, my fiance is at home alone. and even if he is going out too, honestly most of the time i would rather be at home with him! i was SUCH a party girl when i was younger, but i think that we all come to a new phase in life when being at home with the person you love is more important.

with that said, i do think it’s really important to maintain friendships outside of marriage. i just think these friendships look really different than those we have when we’re single. i’m having a lot more weekend brunches or quick drink before i go home for dinner with my fiance than all-night or all-day hang-out sessions with a big group of friends. it’s just different.

Post # 9
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

On the flipside – when I was single (like not dating anyone) my engaged/married friends made me feel completely isolated. I found out about dinner outings, etc. I wasn’t invited to b/c I didn’t have a date. It was very upsetting and now that I’m engaged I always go out of my way not to do that to anyone.

Post # 10
Member
216 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2018 - Outdoor ceremony, banquet hall reception

I agree, moderndaisy. My junior and senior years of college, I was single when all of my girlfriends had boyfriends. And they would invite me to do stuff with them, but I always felt awkward. And there were other times when I wasn’t invited because I wasn’t dating anyone, which made me feel totally left out! It’s a double-edged sword, I tell you! 

The worst was New Years Eve my senior year of college- we went to a club, and I hid in the bathroom at midnight so I wouldn’t have to stand there while all my friends kissed their boyfriends and I had no one. Very lonely!

Now, at this point in our lives, all of our friends are either married, engaged or dating someone, which makes it convenient.

Post # 11
Member
1944 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

Yes, but it has been a long time coming. Most of my friends have moved away but we are still really close. However since the wedding, my husband and I priorities have changed. We are getting a house and put ourselves on a budget and thankfully by doing so and keeping our priorities in check, we, mainly I, will be out of debt in a year, so all we have is our mortgage to worry about. However, my friends are more of the, I want it now and forget about what they want in the future and it has caused some friction because we say no to unneccessary trips, flights across the country that cost no less than $500 per person or going out more than once on a weekly basis and they rack up over $100 bar tabs consistently. (FYI, where I live, that is a ton! I know bigger citys like NYC, that is nothing but here, wow) Now, I am not saying or telling them how to live, but don’t be upset with us because we are investing in our future. My husband and I are both past the going out and partying phase and our friends, well they will never leave it. It all lies down to we have different views and paths on where we want to go and quite frankly no one I am friends with can do this with out gossiping or be catty and quite frankly I am tired of it and dont need it. So see ya! I am 30 and really do not want to be around people that act like they are in high school, constantly lying or making up drama. It is so annoying. So yes, my relationships have changed with a few friends, but like I said, married or not, it has been a long time coming.

Post # 12
Member
1205 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

I agree that the change has to do with who you know and how you feel about these kinds of relationships. It never bothered me to hang out with a friend and her Boyfriend or Best Friend as long as they were both friendly and not just completely into each other while we were all hanging out. If I felt like a third wheel, or just lonely and down, then yeah – that would bother me.

I think it’s really admirable to consciously keep up your friendships after you’re in a relationship.

Post # 13
Member
349 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

We’re not married yet, but we definitely noticed that our friendships changed when we moved in together. I’ve never been *that* into going out and partying to begin with, but always felt obligated because I was young, and well, that’s what people do. I’m slightly relieved that I stopped getting those invitations when my Fiance and I got pretty serious. I’m only 26, but heck, I like nights in with my man! I’m also the first in my social circle to get married, and none of my friends have serious, long-term SO’s.

I think it’s a natural progression in life to kind of lose touch with friends when you’re married. I find I stay in touch with the friends who I’m especially close to, but with the rest of my college friends, when we get together for lunch or shopping dates, I find they don’t want to hear much about MY life, but they LOVE talking about what happened at the club last night. Our interests are just so different now.

Since moving to a bigger city two years ago, we’ve met some couple friends that we’ve gotten a LOT closer to, and honestly, closer than some of my college friends. We also find that we have more fun with them, and they understand us more. It’s kind of a relief!

Post # 14
Member
7053 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

Ha ha this is kinda funny to me b/c it’s the opposite where I come from!  I’m the ONLY legally single person around my group of friends (I’m divorced 5 years and just turned 40).  They’re all excited for us to join the married bunch actually!

I have maybe 2 single girlfriends. 

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