(Closed) Post wedding reception getting out of control?

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
568 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@Busy Bride:That does seem a bit excessive for a post wedding reception however if I were in your situation I’d probably just go with it. Mother-In-Law obviously wants to do this and she knows what comes along with planning something in a small town. I’m not from a small town so I don’t really know but that’s my opinion on the matter. Who knows, maybe it will be fun and you will have a good time and a few good stories to tell.

Post # 4
521 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012 - Salvage One, Chicago

I think you should roll with it.  Yes, it seems excessively large, but apparently your Mother-In-Law is very involved in her community and really excited that you two are married!  It would be awkward to recieve gifts from a lot of these people- I attended a wedding shower for my fiance’s sister held by her FMIL’s boss (let that one sink in for a minute)  she knew barely anyone and they all got her gifts.  Should people get you gifts you can graciously accept them or graciously refuse (there is a way, I promise), insisting that a gift is unnecessary.

Can you get another ally on your side to spread the ‘no gifts’ word?  I did this for our engagement party, getting girlfriend’s of family members to tell aunts, mothers, etc. that we didn’t want or expect anything.  What we did end up receiveing was a lot of bottles of wine.

Aside from that- enjoy it, you will be guests of honor and enjoy yourselves.  

Post # 5
161 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Can I ask what part of the party makes you uncomfortable?  Is it that you think people feel obligated to come/bring presents?  That Mother-In-Law is spending the money associated with a big party? That you don’t want to be the center of attention? Etc?

I would tell your Mother-In-Law how you and your hubby feel.  It seems like it’s a little too late in the planning process to DO anything about it, but at least she’ll know how you both feel.


Post # 6
1042 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

My mom is doing the very same thing. I am also very stressed about the whole thing. She is having more than double the guests than what are invited to the actual wedding. My Fiance is not a social person, so it’s going to be so akward for him.

I really have no advice, just sympathy for you as I know how bad you can feel when it gets spun out of control. There’s no talking my mom out of it though, she gets so emotional when I try to talk to her about anything.

It’s only one day though, people are likely going to bring gifts, like it or not, you will have some uncomforable mingling and it will be all over. That’s what I keep thinking anyhow.



Post # 8
1577 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Maybe look at it as a compliment: your Future Mother-In-Law cares about you two and wants to show you off.

Let the gifts happen – I know I would feel cheap going to a party empty-handed. 

To offset your gift-guilt: invest in some truly lovely thank-you cards, and spend some quality time with your Future Mother-In-Law writing out and addressing the cards.

Post # 10
1697 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@JBing:good idea!! roll with it!

Post # 11
89 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

250, hard to say but for a small town thats not bad. If your Mother-In-Law is really involved then she knows everyone. Well small towns are crazy. I grew up in one and Im getting married in one. It is so hard to say no since everyone knows everyone and EVERYONE knows your guest list.  They will know that she invited Stacey that babysat your Fiance when he was 5 and volunteers with her every tuesday at something but not Ryan who coached his little league in grade 4 and she sees at bookclub every other Wednesday. Nice cards are a great touch, because when they come in the mail your Mother-In-Law and her sweet new daughter in law  will be talk of the town. 

Im sorry for your stress but there is just no way to stop it without hurting someone. 

Post # 12
108 posts
Blushing bee

Ugh.  She means well but I see where you’re like AGH! WTF??  There is no way out of it without coming off as rude and ungrateful.  It’ll suck but it’s just one last party.  You can do it!

The thing that seems to be bothering you the most is the gifts.  Don’t register.  Ask your Mother-In-Law to reply to people who are asking about a registry to direct them to a few charities that you’ve picked out and request a donation to be made in your honor instead.  Cancer research, Big Brother/Sister, local food pantries/women’s shelters, wildlife conservation are all really good, safe choices and their donation has the opportunity to positively impact their own community, which could ease your guilt about getting gifts from strangers. 

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