- 2 weeks ago
- Wedding: July 2019
Today 4 months ago was our wedding and that day has been on my mind all morning. I’m so grateful for my husband and our life as a married couple but feel like I need to get a bunch of stuff off my chest.
When we first got engaged I was over the moon and looked forward to planning and shopping with the important women in my life. Sadly, my grandmother had passed the year before, so she couldn’t be with us. My mom was out of the country, but I hoped she would be around to spend some time together before the wedding. I have to say, the dress was a BIG deal to me (too much Say Yes to the Dress, I guess) and it turned out mom couldn’t make it on time. So I invited my Mother-In-Law, SIL (was a bridesmaid) and another bridesmaid. My Mother-In-Law was supossed to pick the other two girls up as we had three appointments on the same day ( and I chose my dress that same day!)
Well, I get to the first appointment. No one there. The consultant and I waited for as long as we could, but ended up trying on dresses on my own. The girl even offered to take pictures of me so I could send them to my mom as she could see I was sad for being alone. Anyway, they finally make it to the last appointment and that’s where I found my dream dress. No “wows” from my Mother-In-Law or anyone else. The poor consultant kept saying how amazing I looked and what a beautiful body I had, but all my Mother-In-Law had to say was that my hips were too big for a mermaid style. At the time I was barely 110 pounds on a 5’4 frame and I loved my small waist and big hips didn’t bother me. I shrugged off her comment and got the dress. Well, fast foward 6 months and I am diagnosed with Lupus. I was in grad school as well as holding a well-paid full time job AND planning a wedding for 300 guests (no wedding planner was hired in hooes of using that extra money for a honeymoon). I spent tree days in the hospital and two more recovering at home before going back to work. I was advised to drop put of grad school as Doctor insisted rest was crucial. On top of all, meds made me gain weight. In a month I put on about 20 pounds. Yeah, you guessed it, my dress barely fit anymore.
Then, the rings. My then-fiancé’s aunt offered to buy our wedding rings. I was a little unsure, but went along with it. She then asked the type of rings we wanted and we said we wanted very simple rings, yellow gold, no stones or designs. Pretty easy, right? Wrong. She was, according to Mother-In-Law, ‘very offended’ because we didn’t let HER choose the style of the rings. She was the one who asked! Anyway, I tell Mother-In-Law I will be buying our rings and think nothing more of it.
So, a couple of weeks before the big day, my mom arrives and she throws me a bridal shower (SO thankful for that as I really craved time with femsle friends and family members). All seems well in the world, until she breaks the news: my cousin who just flew in from out of state has booked hair and makeup for herself, her mother (my aunt) and MY MOTHER. Now, this is after I let everyone know I had booked hair and makeup for all the bridesmaids and especially my mom so we could spend the entire day together. I beg my mom to reconsider, remind her that I booked this EIGHT months ago. Nope. At the end, everyone goes their own way and I’m left to get ready by myself. I’m told by my fiancé to take a Uber to the salon as his mom will pick me up so we can have lunch together and then get to the hotel where the pictures will be taken. I go in super excited, they get mybhair and makeup ready but no one is there to pick me up. I call and Mother-In-Law “forgot”. Okay, no prob. I take another Uber and head to a small restaurant to have lunch before going to the hotel. Finally we all get to the hotel- all except my mom. The photographer was there, all my bridesmaids were in their pretty blue robes and my mother’s pink robe is sitting on the bed. Half an hr later she calls- she’s still getting her makeup done. She won’t make it. I take a deep breath, my mother won’t be in the pictures. That’s the whole reason for booking a hotel room, for buying robes for everyone, for paying the photographer extra hrs. We still get some amazing pictures and head to Church. The Groom doesn’t even look at me as I walk down the aisle (I understand now that it was a hot day and he had been dealing with vendors all day, but ut still stings a bit) the video we just watched a few weeks ago of our ceremony shows him being bored out of his mind, looking around, adjusting his clothes, never engaging in the ceremony or his bride.
Then the reception. My mother is crying, but not out of happiness. She says she feels “left out” as she wasn’t in the pictures (she didn’t get there on time!) I try and get a couple of pictures with her using a celphone. Still, she looks angry and sad the whole time.
My husband and I are never together. He spends all night talking to friends and a WHOLE hour talking to his uncle. He never engages me in the conversations and after a while it starts feeling as if I’m chasing him. I just go to the dance floor and enjoy the rest of the night.
Then my uncle gets unbeliavable drunk and maked q scene- fortunatelly it was over pretty quickly.
The photos are out now. I, somehow, look happy on all of them. I was, afer all, marrying the love of my life.
But, against myself, I can’t help but notice how there are barely any pictures of ny husband and I together, none with my mother and how weird (at least to me) I look 20 pounds heavier.
No one told me I looked beautiful on that day. My mom is still sad she wasn’t on the pictures.
Thank God the honeymoon was awesone.