Postage on the RSVP? Is it really important?

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 46
Member
1063 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: City, State

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niahc :  ok, I will buy my own stamp. Is it going to be a cash bar?

In all seriousness, since your parents are paying, maybe you should ask them. They may have strong opinions about stamps and it will be it.

Post # 47
Member
3250 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

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niahc :  since you’ve given the an option to RSVP online I don’t think postage is a huge deal. I would put stamps in for anyone over 65. 

Post # 48
Member
1692 posts
Bumble bee

 Forego the reply card and envelope completely: if you haven’t already bought your invitations that will save you costs there, and it is (as wedddingmaven has quite correctly reiterated) more proper anyway. It may also save you mailing costs, as if your “invitation suite” goes over 30 grams you’ll need $1.20 stamps for mailing them instead of the $0.85 standard stamp.  When you skip the reply card, then your R.s.v.p. information goes on the lower right corner of the invitation itself. While you’re at it, order your invitations with a write-in line, and then you can forego the cost of an inner-envelope too. This, too, would be more proper and more “traditional” than the twentieth-century fashion.

Your resulting invitation would look like this:

Mr and Mrs Balland Chain
request the pleasure of the company of

to the marriage of their daughter
Niach Middlename
to
Mr Talland Handsome
at two o’clock, Saturday the thirty-first of September
Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster,
and afterward at
The Royal Canadian Legion Main Street Branch

R.s.v.p. [email protected]
  or 555-555-1234

In the world of formal entertaining, “Less is more.” The fewer enclosures your invitation has, the less it resembles a convention brochure. And the over-65 crowd who don’t understand emails, websites and telephones (?!) can still pull out our own personalized stationery, get the return address off your mailing envelope, and write

Miss Aspasia Phipps
accepts with pleasure the kind invitation of
Mr and Mrs Chain
for two o’clock, Saturday the thirty-first of September

Post # 50
Member
23 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2017

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niahc :  okay, I’m gonna be honest. I didn’t realize putting stamps on the reply was a thing until this thread. Didn’t even think about it. Maybe I’ve been living under a rock because apparently there’s some strong opinions on this.

So anyway, in my personal experience I sent out rsvps without postage and still got almost all of them back. A few people texted or called which I was A-OK with. I barely had to hunt anyone down and people apparently found stamps!

I have no clue if people are calling me rude behind my back… if they did, I’d find it petty. 

However, it sounds like you’re having a huge wedding and if that’s the case you may have more to hunt down. In that case, it may encourage more people to send it back to include postage.

Post # 51
Hostess
1717 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

We did postcards for RSVP cards – even when providing postage on them, it was less expensive to do than to do cards with envelopes and no postage. 

 

Post # 52
Member
9 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2018

If you would be OK with people calling, emailing, or RSVPing in other ways, I don’t think it’s an issue. If you demand the card being returned, then I think providing postage would be more appropriate.

Post # 53
Member
3015 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

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niahc :  Fellow Canadian bride here 🙂 I also did not include postage on our RSVP’s. Tons of our guests live overseas in various countries and it would be ridiculous to track down and include for example an international airfare Maltese stamp for one person’s RSVP card. I guess most people on this thread who are offended by not including postage can only fathom inviting guests from within their own countries? I seriously doubt anyone is “bitching behind my back” for not including postage, and if they are I don’t want them at my wedding anyways. 

You do you girl, if you could really use the money don’t include postage. No one in real life will care. 

Post # 54
Member
840 posts
Busy bee

Stamps are 85 cents in Canada, so it cost 85 dollars for us to stamp RSVPs… We went back and forth on this for a bit but decided to do it as alot of our guests are older… I’m glad we did, our response rate is 34% with a month to the RSVP deadline… I also have a “hard copy” in case my spreadsheet and website don’t tally.

Post # 55
Member
3219 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

Stamps in Canada are 85 cents each. In packs of 10 or more.

if you can’t afford 85 cents per family you don’t have the money to get married.

Post # 58
Member
1692 posts
Bumble bee

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niahc :  Stick with the good manners that come naturally to you and your family. There’s a myth — and that is ALL it is, a *MYTH* — that there is some esoteric standard called “wedding” etiquette. Proper “wedding” etiquette is just the highest standard of the same everyday good manners you would follow anyway. There are different rules for highly-formal non-wedding events versus everyday casual events, and there are gradations of appropriate behaviour between the two ends. For most people, weddings are the only time they unpack the rules for highly formal events. As a result, for most people the rules of highy formal are unfamiliar; and they both mistake those rules as being “wedding” etiquette, and also sometimes apply or interpret those rules erroneously through unfamiliarity.

Sometimes the effect of erroneus rule-application is distinctive, sometimes comic, sometimes tragic. A wedding is NOT always a formal event: it is silly to send formal engraved third-person invitations to a picnic; and your guests who respond (appropriately) to your inappropriately formal invitation by wearing their pearls and silk tea-dresses, will end up clutching those pearls in dismay if they find their silk-covered bums sitting on mossy logs at the edge of a bog while their high-heeled shoes sink into the forest floor. The rules HAVE to vary to accomodate different circumstances

Your best advice for your wedding, always, is to choose a level of formality that falls within your family’s experience and practice, and then follow the rules of proper behaviour that you learned, for such events, at your mother’s knee.

Post # 59
Member
3446 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2017 - Poppy Ridge Golf Course

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aspasia475 :  Nailed it

Post # 60
Member
9724 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I’m still using leftover stamps from my 2012 wedding if that tells you anything about how often I actually mail something.

You should provide the stamp, or an email/# to RSVP to otherwise.

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