(Closed) Posthumous sperm retrieval

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: If something happened to your husband, would you want to retrieve his sperm?
    Yes, we plan on having children and I would do it : (31 votes)
    28 %
    Yes, but I'm not sure if I would use it : (22 votes)
    20 %
    No, it would be too painful for me : (37 votes)
    34 %
    No, I think it's wrong (explain) : (20 votes)
    18 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    2747 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    We actually discussed this and Darling Husband made a hand written note stating that it was both our wishes to have a child should anything happen to him. 

    Post # 4
    Member
    293 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    That is actually really awesome. As painful as it may be & I know it would, I would definately do it. I’ll have to bring this to FI’s attention. Thanks for the post!

    Post # 5
    Member
    2559 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    Not passing judgment, this is just my opinion, but it completely skeeves me out. I also dislike the idea of actually choosing for the child growing up without his/her father – it seems selfish.

    Post # 6
    Member
    461 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    Here in Michigan there was a case where a woman had her husband’s sperm frozen, and conceived after he passed away. It became a big deal because he had benefits, and the court had to decide if the children could receive those benefits or not because they were biologically his, but he was dead before they were conceived.

    I should look up the holding in that case since I believe it was decided about a month or so ago… But I’m off to class soon so I don’t have time right now.

    Post # 7
    Member
    2497 posts
    Buzzing bee

    @MrsWrangler:  +1. It’s one thing to have to shoulder the pain of losing a spouse, but it really does seem selfish to bring a child into the world who has to bear that pain too, just to provide myself some comfort. I could never do that to my child.

    Post # 8
    Member
    6355 posts
    Bee Keeper

    I know what my Fiance would say. “You BETTER do this! And make ’em triplets!”

    (he’d say this with a giant grin of course). I think we’d both want to do this especially if we did not have any other children yet.

    So, does he have to write down “give the lady my sperm… lots of it!” somewhere or something?

    Post # 10
    Member
    1262 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2019

    I think for a lot of people it would bring them some comfort, but I don’t think I could do it. If my SO died before making that decision to have children, I wouldn’t be able to do it on my own. I’d probably spend the rest of my life looking at that child and seeing him in them and imaging a life that could have been.

    So, no, while I think it’s a good option for some, I couldn’t bring myself to do it.

    Post # 11
    Member
    2747 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    I don’t think it’s selfish. That assumes that having one parent is less than perfect. How  many great kids have I seen come from happy one parent homes?  The daughter of one of my mother’s clients is a single mom by choice.  She went to a sperm bank and has two great sons. She’s happy, they’re happy. 

    It can be your opinion but saying that it’s a selfish decision is passing judgement. You’re not putting your child through trauma, you are having a child by the man you love. What that child should know is love.

    Post # 12
    Member
    900 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    I guess it would depend on the overall financial picture. I would imagine that kind of procedure is expensive, and IVF is super expensive….and then of course, there’s raising a child on just your own income (daycare, housing, bills, food, etc).

    So….if we’d been well-off, and somehow Darling Husband had a life insurance policy of at least a mil, and I had a decent enough job.  I mean, that’s a lot of ifs.  But I don’t have a moral issue with it at all.  Just a financial issue.

    Post # 13
    Member
    2559 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    @mrsbruff2b:  I said it seems selfish, but I would never tell a grieving woman what to do with her husband’s sperm, so maybe I meant I would never be outwardly judgmental about another’s life choices. Without knowing someone’s exact motives, calling someone selfish in black and white is impossible, but it’s always an option.

    And yeah, I think that typically it’s ideal to have a 2-parent household, granted a lot of other things such as spousal happiness and lack of abuse (which is clearly not what we’re talking about given the woman’s attachment to her dying husband’s sperm). Single mothers often go through a lot of emotional issues given that their children have only one parent’s guidance even when that’s the best option! Again, opinion. I would imagine that being the child of a deceased father who was ingrained in your mother’s life (and therefore being an effort to hold onto his memory) is different than being the child of a sperm donor with no emotional connection. Glad your mother’s client’s daughter is doing great, though! There are success stories in every walk of life.

    Post # 14
    Member
    4272 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: April 2012

    This is not something my husband or I would choose to do.

    Post # 15
    Member
    14661 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    @misskittenn:  I’d probably spend the rest of my life looking at that child and seeing him in them and imaging a life that could have been.

    I agree with this exactly.  I don’t think I could do it. I think it would hurt too much for this reason.

    Post # 16
    Member
    2747 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    @MrsWrangler:  The abilities of people from are different from all walks of life. Though  there is no emotional connection to a sperm donor, there is nothing to say that a child without a father would grow up with any more/less trauma. I would understand that if you made the choice to do that you would feel selfish, but I would have to disagree with your judgement that others would be selfish for making this choice.

    The topic ‘Posthumous sperm retrieval’ is closed to new replies.

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