(Closed) posting annonymous for a tricky situation

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
8680 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

If you can’t tell the truth and be honest it means that you think what you did was wrong and shameful.

As an adult I think you need to own your choices.

Post # 4
Member
444 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013 - rolling hills of southern italy

Just ignore it. You made this choice and you shouldn’t hide it. Definetly don’t lie. Probably no one will notice, but if someone does, ask if you can talk about it later, find a time to explain exactly as you did here. You got married early for insurance and kept it on the dl so that your special day would still be special. I think your mom could try to understand. 

On another note, I know someone who staged a fake wedding, signed no papers..and no one knew. Everyone thought they had gotten married and didn’t find out it was fake till years later!

Post # 7
Member
827 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

No one is going to notice you signing (or not signing) your marriage certificate- trust me. I had 2 MOHs and I honestly don’t even know which one signed mine because I didn’t see it, nor did I ever think about it til now. I have never ever seen a couple sign a marriage certificate and I’ve been to 20+ weddings. I would not give it another worry!

Post # 8
Member
300 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Why not just tell everyone???? There is no shame in it and you will take the whole weight of this issue off your shoulders for your special day.

If you really don’t want to do that then I would say, yes, people will want to see you sign the certificate but you can easily make up a ‘false’ one for show. My vicar in church wants to do the proper signing away from the main guests in the church and for photo ops will set up a ‘fake’ signing after the legal bit is done.

Post # 9
Member
444 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013 - rolling hills of southern italy

@misshalfway:  oh, I didn’t mean to call yours a fake wedding at all! You are married for real!

This guy I know like, actually staged a fake wedding! As in, the girls brothers hunted him down and threatened to mangle him if he didnt marry their sister, and he paid a priest to say normal mass instead of marrying them, and they threw a huge “wedding” and told no one… to save his behind without ACTUALLY getting married. Hilarious story. So, yea.. They were never really married at all. No one noticed, And even his best friends didnt know until 4 years later. He is also franking crazy! Haha. And 70 yrs old now.

didnt mean to liken  your wedding to a fake wedding! Just a silly story to assure you that mostly, people probably won’t notice. 

Post # 12
Member
855 posts
Busy bee

Can you just say you chose to sign the papers a day before so that the ceremony ‘flowed’ better?

That could be a good way around it. You can tell your parents you’ve just taken care of the legal bit so that you didn’t have to stop mid way through your ceremony to sign the papers?

Like, you always envisioned walking down the aisle, saying your vows, and walking back up the aisle!

That way your mother will know why you haven’t done in during the ceremony, and no one else will notice I don’t think!

Post # 13
Member
300 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@misshalfway:  Yeh thats fair enough, you know if people will react badly, and you don’t want that kind of stress so close to the day itself. I would have a word with whoever is conducting your ceremony (I guess you already have if this is the case) and tell them you would appriciate it if they kept the signing part very low key and even asked you to exit the room with your witnesses for the signing, mention that this is going to happen to say, your mum, and if she says “Oh but I would like a photo of you both signing the marriage certificate!” then say you will try and get a ‘fake’ one set up afterwards so the guests can take photos?

Post # 15
Member
1430 posts
Bumble bee

@misshalfway:  No one will even give the signing or the marriage certificate a second thought. The only person ( if he knows what he is doing) he will ask would be the officiant because he is the one who is supposed to be responsible for sending it off signed. So he may be the only one who you need to talk to. Opinions aside on not telling people you are married- I will say I do think making a fake marriage licsence to sign is going to far. I would just say it is done already if anyone asks, which I don’t think anyone will. Hope your day is special!

Post # 16
Member
715 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Signing the registry during the ceremony seems to be a regional thing.  It’s pretty much the norm around here (in Canada), but I’ve had to explain it to a few people who had never seen it done before and just assumed it would be done prior to the ceremony.  In particular, I had to explain it to our officiant because Darling Husband and I decided to get married in Florida. 

 

It was important for us to keep up this tradition, but the officiant told us there was really nothing to sign. In fact, Darling Husband and I didn’t sign anything on the day of the wedding, just my MoH and DH’s Bridesmaid or Best Man. So, we created a fancy certificate of our own and made it a part of the ceremony. There was absolutely nothing legal about this certificate – It was just traditional for us and the certificate is now nicely framed along with our wedding pictures. 

 

Anyway, that was the long way of saying that it’s entirely possible that your guests could think you took care of the legal stuff beforehand and there’s no reason you can’t sign a non-legal certificate at the ceremony. However, someone (either you and Fiance or your attendants) is going to have to sign something on the big day unless you tell your officiant friend. i don’t necessarily think you need to tell everyone, but you’ll likely save yourself from a lot of stress and confusion on the big day if you tell the officiant. 

 

Good luck!

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