(Closed) Postpone Wedding

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: Have you postponed?
    I had doubts, wish I had postponed : (6 votes)
    60 %
    Postponed and glad I did, it didn't work out : (2 votes)
    20 %
    Had doubts and didn't postpone - turned out ok : (1 votes)
    10 %
    Postponed but worked it out in the end : (1 votes)
    10 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    6124 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I think if there some doubt, enough to ask about it, it probably means you need to hold off on the wedding.  I’m sorry.  I didn’t have any doubts personally.

    Post # 4
    Member
    31 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    I totally wish I had postponed or cancelled but I felt that it was too late and didnt want to cause a fuss and embarress myself! How foolish I was… 6yrs later and a totally screwed up relationship of hell with poor dear sweet daughter paying the price…postpone it no matter what excuse you give it is worth it to make sure. xx

    Post # 6
    Member
    4690 posts
    Honey bee

    Agreed with sienna76. If you have to ask, postpone!

    Post # 7
    Member
    155 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    Holy crap. This sounds horrible.  I am not in the same position, but I know that i thought a boyfriend that I was not sure about was going to propose (and he was) and I didn’t know what I would do if and when he asked.  It’s hard to let someone down, but honestly, when you are with the right person, you don’t go into the wedding questioning the decision.  I’m so sorry you’re going through this!!!  Good luck!

    Post # 8
    Member
    6124 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I was married once before.  We were together 2.5 years already, and he needed some life saving surgeries (and hence my health inusrance) so we got married.

     

    I REMEMBER CLEARLY thinking, “Oh well if this doesn’t work out there’s always divorce.”  There was something he said to me and I thought in my head, “He doesn’t deserve me to take his name.”  Yet I married him.  I was very naive about what it took to have a good marriage when I was 25.  I didn’t see all the dysfunction when I was that age, but I saw it later on.

     

    So – as someone who has been married before, if there’s any doubts, lack of respect, etc – best to call it off. 

    I was married just recently and wow, complete 180.  No doubts at all!

    Post # 9
    Member
    1755 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    @HazelNut82:  If you’re doubting enough to consider cancelling, then at the very least postpone.  A bit of annoyance or worrying are one thing, but it sounds like you’ve got serious reservations.  Better to delay and discover you want to get married and do so happily, then go through with it and at the very least not enjoy it and at the worst, regret it and end the marriage.

    Post # 10
    Member
    285 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    This sounds like a tough situation to be in, but it sounds like you know what you need to do for yourself.  I hope everything goes okay. good luck!

    Post # 11
    Member
    7293 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2011

    Postpone for sure! And depending on whats up, don’t be afraid to cancel all together!

    Post # 12
    Member
    6207 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

    If you have doubts, definitely postpone the wedding! And maybe sign up for couples counseling to work out your issues

    Post # 13
    Member
    1093 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    +1 to all PP’s who said “if you have to ask, postpone.” Especially if your communication isn’t great anyway.

     

    Post # 14
    Member
    60 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    @HazelNut82:  I am in the same situation, and it’s terrible.  I’m so sorry you’re going through it, too.  I have been having all these doubts, but I’ve been with my fiance for 7 years.  It’s like, what would I do without him?  I still love him, but I just can’t shake these doubts and worries, and it terrifies me that everyone says, “when it’s right, you have no doubts.”  I wonder if that’s true for everyone who ends up having a long, happy marriage?  

     

    Anyway, just this past weekend, my FI and I talked, and we decided to postpone indefinitely.  We’ve talked to his parents and my dad, and they were very supportive.  Now my FI and I are going to find a marriage counselor to see if we can get on firmer ground before going through with the wedding.

     

    At the end of the day, though, it’s a really crummy situation, and I get so envious of all the people who say you shouldn’t have any doubts at all.  You might want to check out the book called “The Conscious Bride” by Sheryl Nissinen.  I’ve been reading it, and it helps a little bit with feeling less like I am the only person who has ever had doubts about getting married.

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