Post # 16
pitbullfan : You know that postponing the wedding is the right choice.
When (or if) the two of you join your lives together it should happen when you are in a good place as individuals and as a couple, with a shared vision of your future together. Life can be difficult enough when you have those things; don’t settle for anything less.
Post # 17
- Wedding: May 2019 - York, ME
pitbullfan : Okay, this is a big deal: “However, he did not handle well when I could not give him the attention he wanted (aka helping him calm his anxiety), resulting in multiple emotional breakdowns on his part, and me kicking him out of the house three days before my defense because he really screwed up and I could not stand to see him while trying to prepare.”
What did he do to screw up?
If your relationship is so turbulent you have to kick him out of the house because you can’t stand the sight of him, you should not marry him.
If your partner is so unhealthy that any attention away from him (even when planned) causes him to have an emotional breakdown, you should not marry him.
What happens if you have a rough pregnancy or delivery? Or are caring for a sick child and can’t cater to his anxiety because they need you more? You can’t count on him. He has no business being in a relationship if his mental state is that fragile. I say this as someone who has anxiety too. He needs to get help before he can be a good partner for anyone. At this point, you’re not his partner, you’re his nurse.
Post # 18
There was something in your post that made me want to jump right in here. It reminded me of my ex-fiancé. He had bad anxiety, depression, and self-medicated. I would always try to fix things and I would say over and over again, “If we can just get through this part, we’ll be okay.” I said it so much, even he would repeat it back to me.
But we never got to be okay because the hits kept on coming. Some weren’t his fault. Others were.
After 3 years, months away from marrying each other, I hit the stop button. I couldn’t do it anymore, and I quickly realized that I had lost myself in trying to hold him and our relationship together. When it finally ended, it was like a big burden had been lifted off my shoulders. This isn’t what our partners should be – just a burden. I felt like a husk of a person.
Every situation and person is different. Only you will know your relationship best, but for me, I had to realize that I could not sacrifice myself for him. I hope you find peace, Bee, with this. I think you’re definitely right to postpone even if to give yourself some breathing room to decide the best course for you.
Post # 19
Roaringinthefall : This really hits home. I’m glad I’m not the only one. Thank you for your response.