- 5 years ago
- Wedding: October 2012
If you read my other posts you will know that I’ve been on a difficult a journey, but sometimes I feel like I just might break in half. I really love my man. He postponed our wedding. It was because I yelled at him for the first time and he freaked out. I’m really working hard to get over my anger and resentment over it. Last night we had a conversation…a productive one…I am honestly surprised by how much anger and resentment I have and how it has fuled massive fights since the postponement. It is really hard for us to “renew” our energy because we live together. The last thing we want to do is live separately but sometimes when we fight it feels like it is all just a compounded problem that only space can heal. It’s just a confusing situation for the both of us and overwhelming. He is also a momma’s boy. Slowly but surely I see little changes in him that indicate he ACTUALLY REALIZES it is also HIM and NOT JUST ME that contribute to our problems. No girl wants any part of her engagement messed up and it has been six months since the postponement. I’m at a place to just drop the idea of marriage and be as happy as can be living with him…but it has been so depressing. I wish things could just magically fix themselves. Yesterday I told him…you didn’t actually “postpone” because you never gave me another date to look forward to…you actually plain and simply “cancelled” our wedding. I’ve even seen a counselor to get over my grief over this but it is so hard.