(Closed) Postponed Wedding

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
2077 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@jmg2010:  I haven’t had to deal with anything like this, but I wanted to chime in to send some ((HUGS)) your way.  

FWIW, I don’t think he’s treating you fairly or how you should be treated.  He isn’t respecting you or your feelings concerning your insecurities with him speaking to or looking at other women.  He should be easing your mind about it, not telling you that if he cheated you couldn’t do anything about it.

Please consider spending a while away from him to clear your head and decide whether you want to marry a man that is willing to make you feel like this.  From your post, it sounds like this isn’t something that is going to change any time soon.

Post # 4
1695 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

@jmg2010:  I don’t really know what to tell you right now. But my heart and prayers are with you. Keep your head up, lady! 

Post # 5
1798 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Have you tried individual (and possibly couples) counseling to help with your insecurities? If not, I’d highly recommend it. I will be difficult to have a good relationship with him or anyone else when you can’t fully trust your partner.

Post # 6
224 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2012 - Padua Hills Theater

I am so sorry to hear your story. I don’t have any advice or experiance in the postponment department, all I want to say is that it sounds to me like your fiance needs to make some changes as well. I have always considered myslef a pretty jealous person. My last bf would say things like I can do what I want and go out with friends who are girls who have a crush on me if I want because they are just my friends. Well once he left his phone at my house and I saw that he had been texting with this girl and they were very naughty texts. Needless to say we eventulally broke up. Even thought my ex was not trust worthy I still thought it was my problem that I was jealous. When I started dating my Fiance I was worried I would be to jealous and drive him away, but I don’t get jealous with him. He can go hang out with who ever he wants because we have always had the trust that was missing in my last relastionship.

I guess what I’m trying to say is it’s not your fault. It’s not just your problem. Having your SO say I can do what I want and “he is a man and that is what men do” and if he cheated you could do nothing about it? That’s messed up. I think counsling is the way to go to move forward. Once again. SO sorry this has happend weeks before your wedding

Post # 7
344 posts
Helper bee

I see a lot of red flags here with this man. He is not respecting you, period. Also very controlling.

I am sorry you are going through this….

Post # 8
2494 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I agree with the PP’s… red flags, councilling… all great suggestions. I know there are a few bees on here who have postponed, but not sure what happened to all of them.


I wish you the best. Personally, if my Fiance was doing things that were okay for him but not for me (as you said, with eating lunch with a classmate of the opposite sex), I would be jealous too! I hope he learns to treat you as an equal.

Post # 9
996 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@jmg2010:  I know this is very blunt and it might sound harsh, but if he really is serious about postponing the wedding 2 weeks in advance over this he was probably dying for an excuse. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you, but this was supposed to be his first marriage at age 40-that’s probably not a coincidence.

You need couples counseling for this relationship to work—both of you need to work on you communication skills for this to work.

Should you have spyed on his messages? Eh, as his soon to be wife I think you have the right. I may be the minority in this opinion but many people would have saved themselves years of heartbreak and legal fees if they had snooped a little before taking the big plunge! If you were just dating I would say you were wrong–but marriage should be an open book, as long as it doesn’t cross the line into overbearing and controlling


Post # 10
1239 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

I am so sorry. I can understand why he initially was upset but definitely also why you were upset.  But I feel the way he is controlling you by postponing the wedding is going too far.  It sounds as though the whole situation could be been handled in a couple of days.  I agree with @sylvia.riggle:  above, do you think he could have been looking for an excuse to postpone?

Post # 11
5428 posts
Bee Keeper

I’d take a break from him and go to counselling for myself for the insecurities issues, if he wants to go with you, that’s a bonus!

Postponing the wedding is a good thing at this point, neither of you is ready to commit, and the insecurities could escalate once married, driving him further away from you.

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