(Closed) Postponement Blues

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
358 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I would talk with him… especially if you already sent invitations and people are expecting a wedding.

Post # 4
674 posts
Busy bee

I would say you have reasonable concern that he’s not actually going to follow through on a January wedding. He says he wants to postpone because of the influence of his peers, and he’s going to be away from you and surrounded by peers (mostly single men) for months on end.

The big red flag that I see here is whether he is willing to put anything into the wedding. If it is falling on you and your parents to fund things, then he can easily let you do your thing and then not break it to you until later. He doesn’t have anything to lose in that case. If he is financially committed in some way, then maybe that’s a sign he’ll follow through for a future event.

At the very least, he needs to man up and talk about the cancellations with you without snapping at you over it. Presumably, his family and friends have been invited. He needs to be responsible for contacting them to let them know it will not be a wedding.

Just take care of what you can when it comes to cancelling the upcoming event. Don’t start planning on a January wedding at this point. If he is so easily pressured by his co-workers, the next few months could be bumpy. On the other hand, the time apart could help him realize that he misses you and wants you in his life. In that case, he will presumably let you know that he truly would like to be married in January.

Take the next few weeks and do what you need to do for yourself. Try not to focus on the wedding element and instead focus on the two of you. By the time he actually leaves, it might be good to have a conversation about where you stand and whether he actually wants you to think about a wedding in January or if you guys just need to play it by ear.

The positive side to this is that you’ll have time on your own to really think about what you want for yourself and to invest in your own happiness. You guys can still talk and communicate while he’s gone, so maybe that will help you get back to what is important in the relationship so that he won’t just up and change his mind next time a colleague tells him not to do something in his personal life.

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