Post # 1
I usually see bees posting on here about timelines for proposals and wishing that the proposal would come as soon as possible. I guess I am going to be posting about the opposite situation…
I have been with my boyfriend for about 2.5 years. He is amazing and I knew right away that we were going to spend the rest of our lives together. He gets along with all my friends and family and he treats me better than any one I have ever dated. So here’s the deal – He is back in school working on his paramedics license (he is already a firefighter but took time off to get his paramedics license) and I am finishing up my masters degree. We will both be graduating in mid-April of this coming year. My parents still help to support me by paying for any and all bills that are not covered by my student loans. Neither myself nor my boyfriend have an income right now and with the economy I am not sure how fast I will find a job after school. I happen to know that my boyfriend already has a ring ready to propose with and I am 99.9% sure that he talked to my dad about proposing the other night when he came over. I think my dad told my boyfriend that we were adults and that we could make our own decisions now but that he thinks it would be best to wait until we have our feet back on the ground after graduation. After my Boyfriend or Best Friend left, I overheard my parents talking and they have very strong feelings about waiting until after we are both completely finished with school to get engaged. I do understand why they feel this way but I don’t know how to talk to my boyfriend about all of this. He has been acting really weird the last couple of days and we have a “fun date day” planned for today. I just have this feeling that he is planning a proposal before I head back to school on Jan. 2nd. I love my parents and want nothing more than for them to approve of things that are happening in my life and I honestly think I would be so torn if he proposed right now after hearing the conversation my parents were having. I think I would be scared to even share the news of the proposal with them at this point. I want the proposal/engagement to be a happy time for everyone involved (including my family and his) and I feel like waiting an extra 3.5 months would make the entire situation much better. Am I over thinking all of this too much?
I would LOVE to hear feedback from anyone especially those who may have been in a similar situation.
Thanks for your help 🙂
Post # 3
Well, an engagement means you’re committed to each other and want to be married.
you’re on board with that, right?
Just because you get engaged I don’t think it means you have to get married right away. I’d have a more serious talk about your timeline for getting Married.
If he already has the ring, it’s not like he’s blowing his savings on something he shouldn’t be. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with being engaged and planning to get married later because of life circumstances. Maybe see where he stands with that?
Post # 4
I didn’t vote… I think that being engaged is ok if you’re in school. You don’t have to rush and get married right away just because he popped the question. I will have been engaged to Fiance just 3 days short of 2 years when we finally get married. He wanted to propose and make a commitment a little earlier than I had expected, but since I knew I wanted to be with him forever, I accepted and we talked about just having a long engagement so we can get our feet on the ground and be a little bit more stable financially before taking the plunge.
If you love him & want to spend your life with him, go for it! Enjoy being engaged & not having pressure to make wedding decisions etc. I think your parents will respect you for following your heart while listening to your head 🙂
Post # 5
If you got engaged right now would you WANT to get married right away? I know of LOTS of people who are engaged for more than a year or even two! If you want to be engaged and know that you’ll just take your time planning the actual wedding until you’re “back on your feet” I would talk to your parents and let them know. I’m sure that if you explain your feelings to everyone (SO included) everyone will be happy. SO sounds like a great guy and I’m sure your parents love you- in the end, it should be about what the future bride and groom want:)
Post # 6
@drakela2:Absolutely not! We would not be planning to get married for atleast a year and a half. I agree with explaining my feelings to everyone. I think letting my parents know that we have no intention of getting married until we can afford it is a good idea. I just want them to be happy with all of this and I am probably stressing out a little too much. Thank you so much for your feedback!
Post # 7
To be honest, I wouldn’t talk to your parents about it until after the proposal. I feel like since your Fiance has already asked for their blessing, their input is done.
If you go to them before he proposes looking for their approval and explaining yourself, I feel like you’re setting up the expectation that you’ll do that for the rest of your life.
Want to buy a house? better check with your parents. Want to have a kid? better check with them.
I feel like this is a decision that should be made between you and Fiance since you’re both adults and it’s a decision that affects you. Not the parents.
Post # 8
If he already has the ring, it is not a $$ spending issue and you can decide to have a longer engagement to allow you to get on your feet before planning a wedding. We had a 3 year engagement as Darling Husband proposed while he was finifhing up his Masters program shortly after I moved to be with him. I think there is no reason not to get engaged now, just don’t rush the wedding.
Post # 9
@DaneLady:Thank you 🙂 I agree that being engaged in school is ok especially since we have no intention of getting married anytime soon. I guess just knowing that my parents are even a little bit on the fence about all of this makes me a little nervous. But like you said, hopefully they will respect whatever decision we make!
Post # 10
@MissMaryMc:You are absolutely right. I have spent my whole life trying to make sure they approve of the things I do and I think I need to start letting go of that. They mean the world to me but I do know that they will be there to support me in whatever decision I make. Thank you for being a little bit harsh, I really needed that 🙂
Post # 11
@slicey19:I agree!! Thank you. I think a proposal right now would be fine and I just need to make sure my parents understand our intentions for waiting a while to get married. I need to stop being so worried about what everyone else in my life thinks about the decisions I am making.
Post # 12
@MissMaryMc: Exactly! An engagement is between two people, not four. You respect you parents thats great, but its time to start seperating a little. As your parents they will always have concerns. But you don’t need to consult with them on everything.
Post # 13
Getting engaged does not mean you have to deal with the financial burden right away. I know lots of people that have had 2 year long engagaments to finish school etc. So dont worry and let it happen if you love him!