(Closed) Postponing my wedding after my brother's passing..

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
95 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

@danisalci13:  That’s beautiful and a wonderful way to remember how special he was to you. I’m so sorry to hear of your loss.

Post # 18
5360 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@danisalci13:  I am so incredibly sorry for the loss of your brother. I can’t even imagine losing someone that young. My heart breaks for you.

My family went through multiple deaths last year and this year (at last count I went to 12 funerals in 10 months). I’m not engaged yet but the mere mention that I might be soon sends everyone into a frenzy. They desperately want a happy occassion to celebrate. We’ve seen so much of each other this year but it’s all been so sad. When I finally get down to really planning, I’m ready to see it as a service to my family. I’m throwing a party for THEM, really, and not so much for me. I mean, I could just go to the courthouse and have lunch after as long as I ended up marrying my wonderful guy- but I’ll have a big fat family wedding just so we can party together and not HAVE TO be sad. 

So that’s my recommendation to you- see it as a service to your family- a reason to be happy. Give them an excuse to get out of the mourning phase, if only for a day. It will be SO good for them! 

Post # 19
2953 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@danisalci13:  Just reading your note of remembrance and the thought of sewing a heart-shaped piece of your brother’s favorite shirt into your dress made me tear up. I think it’s beautiful.

Post # 21
6458 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

@danisalci13:  I would change yourself to yourselves, and it’s otherwise fine.  I’m sorry for your loss!  

Post # 22
448 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

So deeply sorry to hear of your loss. I can’t imagine what you are going through. I wish I had the right words and the right advice but this is such a personal decision I wouldn’t even know where to begin. All I can say is do what you feel comfortable doing and honor your brother in a way that you see fit. There were some great ideas on this thread and if I come across something I will send it your way. 

It is said over and over again, but time does heal and at some point you will be able to think of him with a smile, and you will be able to remember the great memories and times of laughter you had with him with a smile too. 

Please know that you are in my thoughts and in my prayers. 

Post # 23
77 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - Priestley-Savidge House

I am so sorry! I can’t imagine what you are going through, seriously. There is no “right” answer in this situation.

I found a list on Bridal Guide, listing some great ideas. They mention to keep in mind to make it a celebration instead of a reminder that could turn the mood of the wedding. I personally love the last one, but this is completely your call. Here is the list: 

1. Wear something that reminds you of that person.
2. Use something they’ve given you.
3. Tribute in the ceremony program.
4. Light a candle.
5. Have a photo table.
6. Toast in their memory.
7. Dedicate a part of the ceremony to that person.
8. Consider your favors.
9. Moment of silence.
10. Save them a seat.

Here is the link: http://www.bridalguide.com/etiquette/family-friends-guests/ways-to-honor-lost-loved-ones?page=0,0 

Best of luck to you! I hope the day is perfect. 

Post # 24
47 posts

@danisalci13:  I lost my sister when she was a teen to an unexpected illness. I can relate to the loss you feel.

Another sister of mine has been missing since August 14, 2012 from Florida. She went with a drug dealer and hasn’t been seen since. 

I feel like I’ve lost my brother too in a way because he has a severe undiagnosed psychosis which has completely changed him.

Anyway, just know that the love you have for the brother you lost is not measured based on how long and hard you grieve. Smiling and laughing does not mean you don’t care that he’s gone. Planning and enjoying a wedding doesn’t mean you’re not still missing him. Hurting because he’s gone is not something you need to sustain. 

Post # 25
445 posts
Helper bee

beautiful idea, OP

Post # 26
1471 posts
Bumble bee

@danisalci13:  I know it will be hard to get married without your brother there, but maybe this will just be the happy celebration that your family needs to get their minds off of this tragedy even for just a few hours. Like PPs said, there are plenty of ways to commemorate your brother at your wedding. I’m sure all of your guests will understand you not being able to postpone your wedding anymore. It’s not like you just got engaged and decided to get married six months after your brother’s passing. This was planned for a while, so I’m sure everyone will be understanding.

Post # 28
8 posts
  • Wedding: July 2014

I searched for some advice on this topic, to know that others have gone through this and found your post. My brother only recently died last Tuesday, and he was a young man with two young children. It is very early in our grieving process, but I am trying to give my mother and family something positive to look forward to. When my mother is sad, I tell her about the wedding to cheer her up, and it helps her a lot. Maybe looking at it that way will help you–that you are giving your suffering family something positive to look forward to.

There are no time limits on grief and loss, and my loss is very fresh right now, but I am hoping that this advice offers you some comfort and gives you a different perspective on your wedding.

My deepest sympathies.

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