(Closed) SECRET ENGAMEMENT, I want to marry him, but isn’t that a RED FLAG?

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Hostess
7561 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

This would be a huge issue to me. Why doesn’t he want everyone to know? 

I’m sorry if this sounds harsh, but I woudn’t agree to marry someone unless they told their family that we were engaged. What is an engagement if it doesn’t mean you’re planning your life together? 

Post # 4
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

We live an hour and a half away from each other and barely see each other,…s

do you know his family (other than his children), meet them and spent time with them, they know you are his partner?

Post # 5
Member
368 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

My fiance and I were secretly engaged for ages. We had been together for a couple of years when he asked but it didn’t really go any further. I knew it would happen eventually though. We even bought an engagement ring about a year before he gave it to me. He just wasn’t sure when to ask properly. He didn’t want to do it too soon or something like that. But we aren’t huge weddine people so I liked not having to worry about people asking about all the details.

Hope everything works out. It sounds like you really need to sit down and talk things out with him. Just because he’s been divorced before doesn’t mean that it’s going to happen again with you!

Post # 6
Member
1697 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Yes this is a big red flag. I can’t tell what exactly the issues are but my advice is don’t force him to tell everyone. It really should be something he WANTS to do. You were paitient and I would have made the same decision in your situation to be ok til April byou it would bother me that you aren’t moving in yet. You ARE engaged aren’t you? He said he understands if you don’t wanna move in until being engaged/married. Follow your gut. 

Post # 7
Member
242 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I see red flags.  He should be shouting from the rooftops that he wants to be with you.  What’s his next excuse for not announcing the engagement?

Post # 8
Member
9955 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Engaged, but not telling anyone…

And not having plans for either a Marriage that everyone is invited to / knows about… or in the very least an Enlopement for just the 2 or you

Sets off RED FLAGS and Warning Bells for me…

I’d want to know WHY this guy isn’t proud to call you his Fiance, and be out in the open about planning your life together.

Ya until that happens, I’d be making seperate plans for my own life… and the chance that it could be without him

 

Post # 9
Member
3297 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - An amazing non-profit retreat

What gets me is that he marched off to the bank for a big loan without even consulting you. That speaks volumes to me.

Post # 12
Member
1406 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

That would be a red flag for me.  You can always ask him what you are supposed to tell people when they ask if you guys are planning to get engaged.  Does he want you to lie to them?

Post # 15
Member
2106 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Get what you need or leave. Ask him why it’s a secret. Then setup a timeline with him and tell him that this is not the kind of timeline that gets pushed back- you’ll be telling your family and friends at that date. Between now and that date he’ll either embrace the engagement or run. 

Post # 16
Member
1038 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Huge red flags to me.  He doesn’t want others to know yall are engaged??? 

 

Your engagement should be an exciting time where you can gush to others about it. Show your ring off to friends and family.  Plan your wedding.  Shouldn’t be treated as some horrible secret. 

 

No offense, but sounds like he is reluctant to marry period and knows this “engagement” buys him more time.  I say this cause my ex Fiance from years ago proposed to me with a ring…..with NO intention of ever marrying me.  He was just trying to buy more time in hopes that I would eventually just give up on wanting to get married. 

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