Post # 1
We got engaged January 2017, and have been living together since May 2014. The past year has flown by, and I don’t feel pressured to get married anytime soon since not a lot will be changing other than legal terms, but I don’t want to hold off for too long. We were planning to get married August 2019, but now my Maid/Matron of Honor has asked me to be her Maid/Matron of Honor and her wedding is booked for July 2019. Plus we live in different provinces so there will be a lot of money invested in travelling alone for both of us. My fiance and I are already somewhat stressed about finances for our wedding, and I know that being part of someone else’s wedding has financial stresses too. I’m not worried about the time it takes to plan my wedding or hers (I’m pretty organized and already have a lot of ideas set), it’s more so the financial issues vs. the long term engagement timeline that I’m struggling with.
Has anyone been in a similar situation? Should I postpone my wedding to August 2020 (even though that will be a 3.5 year engagement)? Or do I go for August 2019 and not wait for too long, and try to make some adjustments financially?
Post # 2
I wouldn’t let other people’s weddings affect when you do yours, unless you think the stress will be too much for you. We booked our wedding, and now have 3 other weddings within 6 weeks of ours, 2 of which we need to travel for. Also, you have so much time that you could get a lot of stuff done over a year before and then not have much left to do as it gets near.
Post # 3
Depending on the type of wedding why not bring it forward?
I don’t think it’s a big issue to have a month between your weddings.
Just a question though … it seems like a small reason to be considering postponing your wedding, are you sure you want the wedding?
Post # 4
I don’t think there is a huge problem with being a Maid/Matron of Honor in July and then getting married yourself in August. What specifically is bothering you about it? Personally I would not have a 3.5year engagement by choice.
I agree with the previous poster, you have already been engaged for a year already and this seems like such a non issue yet it seems like you are using it as an excuse to postpone further l.
Post # 5
I am not in that situation, but if i was it would be entirely dependant on finances. Also dependant on the costs associated with the Maid/Matron of Honor role… Truthfully, if you are going to be cutting it close financially, i would suggest postponing the wedding for stress reasons. Wedding planning can be stressful for several reasons, but adding in financial stress to that may mean you enjoy none of it!
Post # 6
No way I would postpone my own wedding because of a friend’s wedding.
Post # 7
I can understand the financial situation of it if you’re already struggling, especially if travel is going to be a lot. But is their a particular reason why you have to get married in August? Why not pospone it a couple months and have a September or October wedding? Or even to the Spring of 2020?
Post # 8
It depends a lot on your finances here. How much are you budgeting for your wedding? Is there any way to bring that down to make it less financially stressful? Would you rather have a more expensive wedding at the expense of waiting another year?
My Fiance and I are having a 2.5 year engagement because of certain financial factors and are happy with that. It is a very long time, but we already have our budget and saving plan for it ready to go. I wouldn’t extend myself to a 3.5 year engagement for any reason at this point because I’ll want to be done with the wedding and be able to move on with my life!
I also think you should not worry about other people’s weddings around yours. If you can’t afford to go, then don’t go, or figure out another way to be able to (part time job, cutting back spending, etc.)
Post # 9
I wouldn’t postpone. If finances are an issue, I’d have a smaller wedding.
Post # 10
I’m not a fan of postponing my life for others – particular when that thing you are postpoming for is a completely optional party. But if you are truly as ambivalent about when you get married as you claim to be and want to be as involved financially in her wedding as you seem to think it will require, then postpone.
Personally, with both of you planning weddings and understanding the financial undertakings of that, I would think the easiest thing to do would be talk and be understanding and pare down your financial commitments for each other’s weddings – don’t pick expensive outfits, don’t have expectations of lavish pre-wedding parties, etc. Make it as easy and inexpensive on both of you as possible and maybe find ways to trim the expenses of your own weddings. The important part is the marriage and being with your loved ones, not how much money you spend on each other.
Post # 11
I think it depends on your finances, your friend’s finances, and your relationship with your friend. You’re absolutely not obligated to move your wedding for anyone else, but I know that I personally couldn’t have gotten married without my best friend there. But we’re extremely close (she is referred to as my Other Husband 😉 )
That said, late summer 2019 is still quite a ways away. if you both know that that’s the goal for that summer then you can plan around it financially. It could be fun to plan your weddings together!
Post # 12
I wouldn’t postpone a wedding for my friend, you are halting your life so she can march on and while that is a wonderful gesture it isn’t far on you!! Id go ahead with your plans, if finances are a struggle could you not have a smaller celebration??
Post # 13
Make sure you are straightforward with your Maid/Matron of Honor on how much you will be able to spend on her wedding. If you are upfront and honest then hopefully she won’t push you into a $400 bridesmaid dress or a destination bachelorette weekend. You guys can work together to make sure that both your wedding related events aren’t too expensive!
Post # 14
really, you would postone your wedding over that? I think that’s a bad idea. It’s almost like picking your friend over picking your fiance.
Post # 15
So is your wedding “planned” yet? Have you chosen anything that is venue/vendor specific, or was it just, well it would be nice if XYZ? Have you announced your date? Did your friend know?
I wouldn’t necessarily postpone my date, but I would ask what kind of things are required of you as Maid/Matron of Honor to pay for. Since I’m only having my Maid/Matron of Honor and no other wedding attendants, I’m footing the bill for all her costs, maybe that’s her intention, too?
My wedding is June 16th. Other than finding THE SHOES, figuring out our centerpieces and building a few things, my wedding is done. I’ve been planning since May, but we had everything figured out except for the flowers by mid-November. I’m not using a wedding planner, but I do plan events on the regular, so I have that skill already behind me.
Unless you are absolutely DIYing everything, there’s no reason that the majority of your stuff shouldn’t be done beforehand?