Potential Bridesmaid Cancelled and I'm Upset

posted 2 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 16
Member
1424 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

Well, you have a right to your feelings. 18 months is very early to ask but at this point there’s not much you can do except get over it. Maybe the conversation would have went over better if, say, this was a year out or later when she really knows what’ll be going on with her TTC timeline. If you really want her to be in your wedding then maybe revisit the topic later and give her the option of being part when it’s closer. I can understand being hurt but it isn’t friendship ending.

Post # 17
Member
434 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

blackbride19 :  One of my bridesmaids is probably going to be pregnant when I get married and I let her know that she has every right to tell me if it is too much on her and I would have no hard feelings if she were to drop out of the wedding. 

You have no right to control when a woman wants to have a baby. She sounds like she is just trying to plan ahead and doesn’t want it to be stressful for you or for her when your wedding comes. Maybe how she said it was harsh and that’s why you are upset but you really have no reason to be upset with her trying to plan her family. 

Post # 18
Member
144 posts
Blushing bee

Much better for her to tell you upfront, than for her to over-extended herself and then find it to be too much. 

Just enjoy being engaged, and Wait on asking wedding party. 

Post # 19
Member
11974 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

Maybe she thinks the expectations of your bridal party whether yours or self imposed exceed her budget or ability. 

If you think it’s a money issue, you can assure her that all you want is someone to stand up for you and that you’ll let her wear what she has, or cover all her expenses. 

If you think she feels an obligation to throw or participate in pre-wedding events, tell her you don’t care about that. 

If it’s that she would feel uncomfortable being a pregnant Bridesmaid or Best Man for whatever reason, you’ll have to just respect that. 

Post # 20
Member
156 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

blackbride19 :  You EXPECTED her to be there for YOU, not ” She’s my friend and I wanted the honor of having HER stand next to me on my wedding day.”You sound entitled. She did nothing wrong. 

Post # 21
Member
5068 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2017

I actually laughed out loud when I read that you felt this was “rude” and “presumptuous” of her.  On the contrary, she is a thoughtful friend for communicating her plans, and for being realistic with her future commitments.  Sure, there are pregnant BM’s but not everyone’s pregnancy is the same.  Some pregnancies are HARD and I can only imagine how tough it could be if you are having a troublesome pregnancy on top of caring for a baby/toddler.

 

Post # 22
Member
4060 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Well, I think it’s rude and presumptuous to assume you know better than your friend does whether or not she would be able to participate while pregnant.

So guess you’re even.

Post # 23
Member
602 posts
Busy bee

She seems like a great friend, actually. Your expectations seem a tad unreasonable though :/

Post # 24
Member
2876 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

Maybe her last pregnancy was difficult. If she had issues with the last one it’s pretty smart of her to prepare for the worst with this one as well. She actually sounds very thoughtful in that she doesn’t want to accept a role in your wedding when she could potentially be unable to do what you are probably expecting. You sound like the type who will want a themed shower, destination bachelorette, $200 Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses, and professional hair and makeup and she probably doesn’t want to overextend herself and her fianances. She doesn’t seem rude at all, you on the other hand seem rude, entitled, and honestly not a very compassionate friend in general. 

Post # 25
Member
16 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2018

I think she’s being very considerate with letting you know so early. I can understand why you are upset but she is trying to let you down easy now in case something does come up. Pregnancy is hard on some people. Don’t be mad at her for trying to have a family. You said you’re good friends so you should try to understand where she’s coming from. 

Post # 26
Member
14 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2019

She can still be “there” for you and not be a bridesmaid.  Sounds like she already has been!

Post # 27
Member
76 posts
Worker bee

I can understand how it would be hurtful, especially if you were a bridesmaid at her wedding (I am not sure if you were) and feel like she is not supporting you when it is your turn.  I would let it go though.  It sounds like she is overwhelmed at the thought of adding more to her plate.  It is better that you know ahead of time and that she was honest about it.  Having her backout last minute, or be a bridesmaid but too busy to be involved would be much worse. By the time your wedding gets closer and you ask your other bridesmaids you won’t even be thinking about it.

Post # 28
Member
107 posts
Blushing bee

I have a friend that I love more than life itself. My Fiance is even closer to her than I am. He wanted her to be his best woman, and her husband a groomsman. I absolutely loved the idea, but they did not, and that’s okay. They recognize their limits, and they ask us to do the same. I also have another friend who dropped out of my bridal party because she was super pregnant, and it would have been so uncomfortable for her. We ended up postponing so she can be in the wedding (yay!!!). However, my wedding day is in no way more important than the people I love and their needs. I choose to celebrate my wedding and marriage in a certain way, that doesn’t mean they have to want to join me for the full ride. I have their love and support in the way they can best provide it, and that is exactly what I want from them. 

Post # 29
Member
586 posts
Busy bee

If she’s planning another kid I’m assuming that’s going to cost money. She probably wants to save her money for the family instead of allocating it to your wedding. I’m Maid/Matron of Honor in a wedding in the fall, and sure it’s an honour to be in someone’s wedding party. BUT It’s a huge commitment and super expensive (like way more expensive than I thought and I don’t know if I’d do it again) Unless you plan to pay for every single aspect, she just may not be able to afford it. 

Post # 30
Member
6100 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

I can understand being disappointed but if she already has one child and is planning to have another on the way, she might just not be interested in the commitment (financial, time or otherwise) of being a bridesmaid. That’s not an indication of what she thinks about your wedding. It’s just that you are in different places in your lives. You do sound a little demanding and petulant about her response so it seems like it was wise of her to give you a heads up in advance. I think you should just let things ride, see how everything goes and worry about who will be in your bridal party closer to the time of your wedding.

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