Potential Bridesmaid Cancelled and I'm Upset

posted 2 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 31
Member
309 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

I’ll take Entitled Much for $500 Alex.

 

I’m shocked you think she’s being rude for giving you a heads up that she can’t commit to being a bridesmaid.  I think you’re being rude.  Luckily, everyone is entitled to one bridezilla moment.  Congrats, that was yours.

Post # 32
Member
1683 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

blackbride19 :  her reasons are valid – being a bm is time and money and not everyone has those resources/wants to use them on your wedding. Doesnt mean she is not a good friend.

But girl, please wait a year until you choose your bridal party anyway.  We picked our party not long after getting engaged and ended up with a far longer engagement than anticipated.  One of my girls was my best friend for over a decade, and we had a big falling out a year ago and i ended up having to unask her.  Fi had the same thing happen.  We didn’t think either of these people wouldn’t be in our lives for our wedding.  

Post # 33
Member
6315 posts
Bee Keeper

She could present a reading or give a toast or do all sorts of things that don’t require buying a bridesmaid dress. What’s wrong with that? There are many ways to support you on your wedding day that don’t require wearing a matching dress. 

Post # 34
Member
3852 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

Maybe she doesn’t want to commit to being a bridesmaid so early when she has no idea what her situation will be – she could be 9 months pregnant, have a newborn and a toddler, be struggling with secondary infertility etc… maybe she’s overcome with baby fever and she just can’t think about anything else right now. She probably doesn’t want tolet you down by being a lackluster bridesmaid so she thinks it’s better to avoid that situation. 

Post # 35
Member
3362 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

Be upset, but also try to be understanding and realistic. She knows better than you what pregnancy is like for her, and what her time, money, and energy limits are. 

It may also be that she’s just not interested in being in a wedding party. Outside of my sister’s, you couldn’t pay me to be in a wedding party again. It wouldn’t be personal, no matter who asked. I just don’t want to do it. Maybe she just doesn’t want to do it. It doesn’t mean she doesn’t care about you or isn’t really your friend.

Post # 36
Member
9662 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

I wouldn’t commit to a wedding that’s almost two years away either.

Post # 37
Member
1170 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

blackbride19 :  She can still be there for you… as a guest. You can’t just impose your wedding on people if they don’t want to commit to doing it. It doesn’t mean that she’s not your friend. It means that she has plans in her own life and doesn’t want to overcommit herself. You said she’s been helpful so far… sounds like someone who’s there for you tbh. If any of my bridesmaids didn’t think they’d be able to manage I’d rather them just tell me as opposed to it causing tension down the road as it often does. There’s more to being a bridesmaid than just standing there on the day. Perhaps because she’s trying to get pregnant she doesn’t want the added financial and party planning, wedding planning stress.

Post # 38
Member
8168 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

blackbride19 :  

 “I’m getting married in August 2019“. And you seriously expect people to commit to that now?   Apart from the immediate participants I mean . 

And what in the name of all that’s reasonable do you mean by “I thought it was rude and quite presumptuous to plan to be incapacitated from pregnancy before you get pregnant.” Who on earth was she rude to  ? And presumptuous ? I don’t think you undrstand what the word means.

 https://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/presumptuous

Post # 39
Member
870 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I don’t think she was being rude. She is trying to live and plan her own life and was very honest with you about this. She is not obligated to be in your wedding. 

Post # 40
Member
853 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: City, State

you sound like the kind of person who would be really upset if she stepped down 6 months out (considering you’re ticked that she said no 1.5 years early!)  your party is not the center of the universe. 

you can’t even accept that her baby and her having a baby might be the center of HER universe in 1.5 years! for crying out loud, get a grip. this is what people mean when they talk about bridezillas. 

Post # 41
Member
653 posts
Busy bee

As usual, I think most people here are being more rude than is necessary.

You said she at first acted interested and then she decided it would be too much for her. I can understand how it would be hard to understand someone going from enthusiastic to not. I think the better thing for her to say was that she couldn’t commit now, it will depend on what happens in the next year and a half, which is understandable. But from what you said she just shut you down without also making you feel as though you are still important to her.

I think August 2019 is so far away and wouldn’t be making big decisions about the bridal party or asking them to commit now, but I’m sorry for the over the top and rude responses you’ve gooten here.

Post # 42
Member
10 posts
Newbee

Does it not matter what she close friends or not? Comfortable is the main matter to work with any condition. So if she not comfortable (with any issue) to that is clear.

Post # 43
Member
1330 posts
Bumble bee

I can see being disappointed, but I wouldn’t think she was rude. If anything she was probably trying to be considerate…to give you as much notice as possible. I’d try to reframe the situation in your head so you don’t feel resentment towards someone you say is a close friend.

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