Potential Bridesmaid – Recipe for Disaster?

posted 2 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
Member
665 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: London, UK

If the point of your bridesmaids is solely to be there with you on the day as part of your bridal party, then I don’t think you’re asking for any trouble by having her! But I think if you are going to expect her to step up to the role in any sense of the word then you are at risk of being disappointed/hurt by her.

Ultimately though, if you feel distant to her in any way then I don’t think she should be your bridesmaid. 

Post # 3
Member
394 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

Is there a reason you want her to bridesmaid? 

As the other poster, if you want her there on the day then fine. Beyond that I wouldn’t hold my breath. I am not really sure though why you want her to a bridesmaid! Seems like guest would be fine! xx

Post # 5
Member
665 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: London, UK

View original reply
idontevenknow :  I must admit, I can completely relate to this situation. I am having more or less the exact same dilemma with my cousin. She is one of my best friends and in many ways we are extremely close, but also she is pretty unreliable and can be thoughtless and selfish. However I know if I need her (and she is physically able to be there) then she will be there for me. I have decided to hold off asking her to be a bridesmaid for now (she lives overseas and although she has said she will come over for my wedding, I do not completely trust that she will) and I’ve told her that when she has a better idea of where she will be at when the wedding is closer we can re-address it.

Ultimately it’s a risk vs benefit thing…is the risk of her disappointing you worse than the risk of potentially spoiling your entire relationship?

And is her not being a bridesmaid at all going to upset you more than if she is a bridesmaid, but not a very ‘good’ one?

 

Post # 7
Member
510 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

View original reply
idontevenknow :  I would not include her. I have a few friends that I describe the same way …flaky, unreliable, always goes out and parties with a group of girls but is too “busy” to hang out with me. I did not ask any of those friends to be in the wedding party and I’m so glad I didn’t. It was so nice having a close group of friends that got their dresses with no problem and remained close friends with me in the bridal party. Now its been 8 months since my wedding and the friendships with the flaky/unreliable people have faded out completely so its nice only having people I’m still friends with in my wedding photos.

Post # 8
Member
1492 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
idontevenknow :  Not to be harsh but she sounds like she has made herself not part of your social circle all on her own. Those girls she hangs out with while she blatantly ignores you? That isn’t by accident. Sure if you think she will just show up on the day of your wedding and that is all you want from her, then ask her to be a bridesmaid. But I really think you need to stop referring to her as your best friend for your sake as she clearly isn’t interested in that title. If she cared that much she would actually respond and want to see you. When is the last time she initiated anything? Because it sounds like you chase her. For me, it wouldn’t be worth the hassle. We can all say we won’t be bothered when a friend isnt reliable, but if we were really honest it still hurts, each time they let us down. Id say that kind of energy just isnt’ worth it at your wedding. Friendships come and go. Behavior that was acceptable as a young person often isnt pretty as an adult. I am dealing with that with my friend from highschool right now. I don’t even like her anymore as a person. It sucks but it happens. 

Post # 9
Member
2163 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

My rule of thumb with this kind of stuff is you have to ask, or you have even an inkling that this is going to be a disaster if you ask her then it probably is.

Post # 10
Member
1390 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2021

Adult friendships are hard.  But living 30 minutes away from one another is a stones throw away and not an excuse to not see each other.  It seems to me you have grown apart, and thats OK! Just because you were in her wedding does not mean that you need to put her in yours.  You call her your best friend but it is clear from her actions that she doesn’t consider you the same.  Cut your losses and leave her from your bridal party.  Would you want photo reminders of her in your wedding album if you were to end the friendship? Even as is I wouldn’t want a friend like that in my pictures.

Post # 12
Member
477 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2019 - Southampton, UK

I would go ahead and ask her. All she needs to do is get the dress and show up on the day. And if she somehow messes that up? Well, that reflects badly on her, not you, and you’re no worse off.

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