- 5 years ago
- Wedding: October 2014 - UK
So. Things are a long way off. We haven’t confirmed our date yet or anything, but this is something which has come up whilst we’ve been roughing out guest lists which is really bothering me. And the worst bit is, I know there’s nothing I can do about it, and that just bothers me all the more!!
We’re hoping to invite one of our mutual friends from University. She’s pretty much the only one we’re still in contact with from University, so it’s sort of a no-brainer that she should be allowed to bring a +1, because I want her to be comfortable.
My worry is that she’ll bring her boyfriend. And this is where the issue clouds. Her boyfriend is a douche. Improbably, he’s from the same town I’m from, was in my year at school, but in the All-Boys school which was ‘brother’ to my school, the All-Girls school. Some of my close friends, and my younger brother, went to the same school as him. He bullied my friends, and I know my brother avoided him because he was often causing trouble, aggressive and smoking pot around the school grounds – he definitely made him uncomfortable! Added to that, he also dated one of my other close friends for a while.
I’d be willing to forgive and forget, except that when I ‘met him for the first time’ as my friend’s new boyfriend, he acted like a total jerk. I didn’t recognise him at first, because I’d never really spent much time with him and it’s been 5-6 years, but he knew who I was. Knowing who my friends were, and still being close to them, he still laughed off about how he picked on them. His language was foul – I can put up with some swearing, but honestly, this was on a whole new level – and the way he talked about women was appalling. His favourite epithets seemed to be “That stupid f*cking whore”, or bitch, or hell he dropped c*nt (a word I really don’t like) every other sentence too. And the way he talked to my friend, even if he was just joking, it didn’t sound like it, if that makes sense? I can’t understand how she lets him get away with it.
And what he had to say about my friend, his ex, was almost unrepeatable – and what concerns me is that he knew we were still friends, and also that he seems to have convinced my friend – his current girlfriend – that what he says is The Truth, and she won’t hear otherwise. I don’t know what happened, but you don’t just trash talk people’s friends to their faces. The thing is – this was him being as good as introduced to me for the first time, by someone who I consider a close friend and who I flatter myself considers me as such – you’d think he’d try to make a good impression! But no.
So what happens if he turns up and is surrounded by people who he isn’t obliged to give a crap about, not to mention coming across his ex and her current boyfriend? My parents say if he causes a scene, they’ll sort it, but then he’d have to cause a scene first, which would still upset people and that’s what I’m trying to avoid in the first place!
I know I can’t specify who she can bring, and I know that it’s not fair to expect her to come be surrounded by strangers for a day because I don’t like her boyfriend, but it’s something that’s going to niggle at the back of my mind for a while. I guess I can hope they break up (she does deserve way better than him), but it’s kind of unlikely if she can put up with that sort of language and behaviour from him and still think he’s charming, as he’s made of “cider and hate”, in an ironic, ‘cool’ sort of way. Pfft.