- 4 years ago
Hey Bees! I am still anon, just trying to navigate my way through this. Last week, I posted about a situation with 2 of my Bridesmaids here (it’s long) : http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/bridesmaid-drama-need-advice-long/#post-7604954
Since then, I have recieved a response from friend A, which was basically her saying she wanted to move on from it and thinks I should too, without an apology or even a simple acknowledgement of anything she had maybe done wrong or regretted – she basically told me that I was just depending on her to make me happy, I wanted her to feel bad, everything happens for a reason, etc etc bs bs, but she hopes we can move on. Which is…. complete and utter BS. Anyway, she ended her response with ”I am so excited to be a part of your day – we have the shower coming up and then your bachelorette and then the wedding, can’t wait!”. I guess I was hoping for her reply to finally just either say “hey, i’m sorry”, that’s it. nothing more. OR if not an apology, maybe ‘Hey I didn’t mean to make you feel this way, maybe I should step down as a bm?”I just am realizing she’s too selfish to do any of that, she’d rather gloss over it to make herself feel like she’s done nothing wrong (which she doesn’t think she has).
I just feel like… as much as I want to put on my big girl pants and get over it (for the sake of getting through the pre-wedding stuff that she’s involved in) and make nice and not ruffle feathers/be rude by asking her to step down, I almost can’t even deal with the idea of having her in my wedding when I know that our friendship is basically over, and I have no desire to continue anything after my wedding… I could be wrong, but from her reply I’m not sure she does either – she acted like she wants us to resume a friendship but part of me just thinks it was to smooth things over because she’s financially invested in the wedding and wants to participate in the fun stuff. I haven’t asked any of them apart from my mom and Maid/Matron of Honor to assist with DIY projects, etc so it honestly really is mainly ‘fun stuff’, haha. Unfortunately she’s already ordered her dress and the wedding is a mere 4 months away – I’m not sure if this is the right thing to do. My mom is vehemently against my asking her to step down, she knows the situation and thinks friend A is selfish/crazy but she says it’s just hurtful and unnecesary and to suck it up and just deal with her for the next few months… and yet, I’m torn. I do think it would create some awkwardness between myself and Friend B since they’re legit bffs now, and I don’t want her to use it as fuel to convince friend B that I’m being vindictive… such a crappy situation bc she hasn’t OUTWARDLY been a bad Bridesmaid or Best Man, I mean she’s come to everything and been fine in that way, I’m just not able to move past everything and it’s more the way she makes me feel. I should be able to be stronger and just not let it affect me… ah I don’t know!!!
Anyone have advice on how to broach this situation? If you were me, what would you do? Has anyone done this and what kind of fallout was there as a result?
If I did, I’d obviously still invite her as a guest, her parents have been invited as well although I don’t know if they’ll attend. I just am not sure it’s worth the agony but it would be nice to not have to worry about dealing with her at these functions and especially the night before the wedding (we’re having a Bridesmaid or Best Man sleepover and then all getting ready together the next morning)… AHHH. Advice? Comments? Honesty b**ch-slaps? Lol. Thank you!