Post # 1
My Fiance and I sent out our STDs last Friday for our December wedding and 2 people that I’ve spoken with said that they received them yesterday (Monday), so I assume that at least all of our local guests have received theirs by now. I really wasn’t expecting them to arrive that quickly – our engagement invitations took a little longer – which is normally a good thing, but I fear it may put Fiance and I in an awkward situation this evening.
Some friends of ours have invited us to a group dinner – they’re living in the UK at the moment but are back in the country for only a short time to attend a family wedding, so decided one big dinner was the best way to catch up with as many people as possible. There will be about 15 people in attendance – and every single person is invited to the wedding, except for one couple. They’re not the only friends we haven’t invited (there are about 10 people who are kind of on the periphery of our friendship group – as Fiance and I are luckly to see them once or twice a year, we don’t consider them close friends at all and decided not to invite them) but they are the only non-invited people attending dinner this evening.
I now have this fear that someone is going to mention receiving the STD in the mail – and it will be painfully obvious to this couple that they’re not invited. Fiance and I haven’t actually seen them in about a year, so we hope that they understand why we decided not to invite them, I just really don’t want to have to come out and say it in front of everyone. If someone mentions the STDs in front of this couple, does anyone have any advice on how to deal!?
Post # 2
I don’t mean this in a nasty/rude way, but I honestly doubt they’ll care. I think you’re reading too much into it. If you aren’t very close with them, I don’t think they’d be expecting an invite and I don’t think they will care or be offended about the fact that they aren’t invited.
If someone mentions the STDs I would simply respond to that person based off of whatever comment they made and move on. If this couple does seem upset or does ask about it, I would simply be honest with them.
Post # 3
Personally I’d find this super awkward, but that is probably because I don’t know what it’s like to have a lot of people in the grey area between acquaintance and good friend.
Hopefully PP is right that they just wouldn’t care. The only other thing I can think of is that you could also ask some of the people who are most likely to bring it up just not to mention it.
Obviously they will find out they aren’t invited eventually, but I get that you just don’t want them to feel singled out at this particular event.
Post # 4
I get why you feel awkward but if you aren’t super close to these people AND you haven’t seen them in a year, don’t worry about it too much. I don’t think you have to say anything at all to them unless they are rude enough to ask you about it at which point you just say you had to limit the number of people, unfortunately, and are sad you weren’t able to invite them. Only a REALLY rude person would then bitch about how everyone else was invited and once they are being that rude you don’t have to be super sweet about it anymore and just say “Sorry you’re sad about it.” and walk away.
Post # 5
I would try not to worry about it too much. They probably feel the same way about you as you said you only see each other a couple of times and year. If it is brought up and you feel a bit awkward about discussing it try and focus the attention on the other people attending the dinner and ask what they’ve been up to and say you’re fed up talking about weddings.
If they push it and are rude enough to bring it up in front of you then just say you had to limit the number of guests you invited because of the venue capactiy and move on to another subject. Don’t worry it will all be fine 🙂
Post # 6
I get why you’re worried, but I think you’re over thinking it. They are just as aware that they haven’t seen you in close to a year, and that they aren’t your close friend. Also of if someone mentions the STD it doesn’t mean that this couple will suddenly figure out that they are the only ones without one. You’ll be fine, relax and enjoy seeing your friends!
Post # 7
I highly doubt they will care. I wouldn’t worry about this at all.
Post # 8
Yea, this can be awkward. Most people would understand not being invited, but not everyone evaluates relationships the same way. I would just try to steer the conversation away from the wedding/STDs. It’s awkward to briefly bring it up, but it could be really uncomfortable for the couple who’s not invited if everyone starts talking about how excited they are or asking questions about an event they aren’t invited to. As long as you shut that down I think you’ll be fine.
Post # 9
They will probably think their STD was sent to their home address, and as such they wouldn’t have received it yet. That’s assuming that they will believe that they are invited.
They may be relieved not to be invited if your wedding is in another country to where they live -attending a wedding in another country means taking time off work, travel, expense, etc.
Post # 10
Fortunately, the couple who we are not inviting was late so most people had already commented about receiving the STD before they got there. There was a little awkwardness towards the end of the night, as the talk did turn to weddings (the uninvited couple is also engaged although they have no date set and don’t intend to get married in the near future, and another friend of ours who couldn’t make it to dinner is getting married in a few months overseas). I found out later on that the people at the other end of the table (where the uninvited couple were sitting) were discussing hiring a mini bus charter to get them all home after our wedding – I have no idea how the couple reacted, but I’m so glad Fiance and I were sitting at the other end because it would have been awkward!
I think you’ve misunderstood – the uninvited couple live in the same country that we do, the couple who are currently living overseas are invited to the wedding.
Post # 11
I’ve been that couple before.. its fine. I got it: Fiance and I didn’t invite them either. The awkwardness wasn’t because I was upset I wasn’t invited.. it was just I had nothing to add to the conversation if it was about group transport (like above) or about bridesmaids dresses etc.. Like I could ask polite questions but pretty quickly I was just standing there awkwardly while they chatted.
So really.. I think its just that your friends talking about the transport were rude, unless the not invited couple didn’t say anything at all to let them know.
Post # 12
Yeah, I didn’t think they would be upset (and we are not expecting to be invited to their wedding at all), I just didn’t want them to feel like they’d been singled out – there are other people who we aren’t inviting, they just weren’t at dinner.
I’ve only told my bestie which friends we decided not to invite and she wasn’t sitting at that end of the table, so I’m really not sure if they all knew that that couple aren’t actually invited. I’m also not sure if the couple mentioned anything about not being invited – although if they don’t know that STDs have gone out, they might think there’s a possibility they’re still on the guestlist?