Potentially jealous bridesmaid

posted 2 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
Member
1271 posts
Bumble bee

This sounds like a big blow up waiting to happen and I would personally steer clear.

Were you friends with this other bridesmaid before this or did you meet by being in the bridal party?

Post # 4
Member
10544 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

I think this is between bride and bridesmaid. Sounds like her feelings are hurt with bride not choosing her and perhaps she’s coming to terms with the fact that she considers bride a closer friend than bride considers her.

I wouldn’t say it’s jealousy or that it’s personal towards you, but she’s probably just feeling hurt and acting out. Never the less, I think she and bride need to talk things over and you should just stay out of it as much as possible.

Post # 5
Member
656 posts
Busy bee

At this point, the last thing you want is for the bride to be stressed out in the weeks before her wedding.  You also don’t want this to turn into a situation where the apparently-resentful bridesmaid doesn’t order a dress/doesn’t show.  

It’s entirely up to you how far you take your role.  However, as the Maid/Matron of Honor, I would try to make something happen with the bridesmaid getting her dress ordered, at the very least.  You may not have necessarily signed up for this drama, but the bride chose you as her right hand woman.  You don’t have to repair their friendship, of course, but a little bridesmaid-herding may not go amiss.  

Post # 6
Member
1271 posts
Bumble bee

I get wanting to protect your friend but I am afraid if you say anything this could all get really messy. The bride has noticed that her friend is acting weird maybe they have already spoken or are planning to. I would leave it alone unless this person does or says something drastic like “I might not show up to the wedding.” or something along those lines.

Post # 8
Member
7591 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

100% stay out of it. This isn’t your issue –  it’s between the bm and the bride. Anything you do to intervene will probably only trigger the bm’s insecurities more. She’s clearly hurt that the bride seems to feel closer to you, so there’s really no way you can get involved here in a way that won’t seem to the bm like you’re rubbing your closeness with the bride in her face (even if that is far from your intention).

Post # 9
Member
2670 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

I’m confused as to how the bridesmaid didn’t know she wasn’t the maid of honor, I assume that the bride asked her to be a bridesmaid?? 

And I agree with other bees, I would try to stay out of it as much as you can. 

Post # 11
Member
539 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

Personally, if I was this bride I’d want to know your observations about this bridesmaid so I could try to fix the relationship (not by telling the bridesmaid why she’s not Maid/Matron of Honor or that I think shes jealous but by spending more time with her or something so she knows we’re still close) with this bridesmaid before it’s too late and there’s a HUGE blow out. And I feel like the bride might be upset if this friendship ends and finds out you knew that it might come to that by this bridesmaids behavior

Post # 12
Member
1019 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

The bride has already noticed that there are issues with the bridesmaid, so you have zero reason to step in here. She can start up a conversation with her friend asking whether there’s a problem.

The dress issue is actually pretty straightforward: the bridesmaid can get her dress, or not. It’s entirely her own problem. If she doesn’t get the dress, she’s not a bridesmaid, but there’s nothing the bride has to do about it. And there’s nothing you have to do about it at this point. If the bridesmaid bails at the last minute, that’s probably a friendship-ending move on her part, but it’s still not your problem.

(I had a similar dress issue with a bridesmaid: at the two-week point, she joked that she’d end up buying her dress the day before (they could choose any dress at all in the given colour), and it was stressful and annoying, but she ended up getting it done and looked great.)

Post # 13
Member
3083 posts
Sugar bee

View original reply
pusheenpizza :  

Yikes! That is some drama…

It is clear that their friendship is on the rocks right now. Whether that is personal stuff going on in her life, other things in their relationship or she could be just hurt about not being Maid/Matron of Honor. 

I would def. stay out of it since you don’t know what other factors could be affecting her attitude right now. I would ask the bride if she wants you to follow up on the dress situation (as i think that is Maid/Matron of Honor duty), however if she is bitter of not being Maid/Matron of Honor, it may cause even more anger. Perhaps another bridesmaid could check in on the dress situation? Is there realistically even enough time to get the dres?

But other than that, i think the Bridesmaid and Bride need to have a conversation or there will def. be some bad vibes on the day.  

Post # 14
Member
610 posts
Busy bee

I agree with the bees, I’d stay out of it. I think besides being upset that she wasn’t chosen as Maid/Matron of Honor, she was probably embarrassed that she asked that and then you had already been picked. Plus she was probably upset that the bride didn’t tell her she had chosen a Maid/Matron of Honor. But even without all that, the high school friend vs the college or new friends is so common it’s almost cliche. Meaning the older friend generally feels sad/slighted that the bride has all these newer friends that she got closer with since then and so tries extra hard to let everyone know how long/close their relationship is/was. 

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