(Closed) Potluck Wedding?

• UpstateCait
• 9 years ago

• Wedding: October 2011

@blueskies7:  You didn’t just call it tacky, you also called it “classless”. That’s offensive to those who have pot lucks. Sure, its a public forum but you still need to be respectful. You can express your opinions without offending anyone. 

• blueskies7
• 9 years ago

• Wedding: September 2013

@UpstateCait:  I did say that if it’s custom in the neighborhood or if it’s like 25 people, I think it’s fine. But I do personally find it tacky if people have the nerve to invite guests to come celebrate their marriage, only to ask them to bring food, bring alcohol and bring a present (the last part to me, takes it into classless territory). I edited my post to reflect that. I think that couple should just elope at that point. It’s just an opinon…but that is how I feel.  

• Miss.Meow
• 9 years ago

Friends of mine had a potluck wedding a couple of summers ago and it was actually very nice. We all received invitations to a backyard BBQ at a cottage and were asked to bring a dish to contribute. Some alcohol was also provided. When we arrived to the location we found that the yard had been beautifully decorated and it wasn’t just a BBQ but their wedding as well. It was a small gathering, just family and very close friends. They didn’t expect any wedding gifts as they already had a furnished home so I was more than happy to contribute to the celebratory meal!

• Roe
• 9 years ago

• Wedding: June 2012

@blueskies7:  Yeah, its a public forum and people should be able to say what they want. But “tacky” in particular is a word that has taken on a whole lot of weight in wedding planning blogs and has become just an insult to throw around to make yourself superior. The bee has a policy against snark. It may not be directed at a particular member, but unless someone comes out and says “hey im doing this and I’m worried its tacky, is it?” then we shouldn’t be calling anyone else’s wedding tacky.

I think the bee should adopt OBB’s attitude toward the word tacky. If you want to own the word, use it for your own wedding but don’t throw it around on other people’s choices.

@DeathByDesign:  You made that clear

• Roe
• 9 years ago

• Wedding: June 2012

@DeathByDesign:  Its inviting people to celebrate your marriage and family by asking them to support you, as families often do, with cooking and love. A different perspective.

• les105
• 9 years ago

• Wedding: May 2012

@DeathByDesign:  I think it’s a fine line between the two. My grandmother is not responsible to host my guests, so her bringing a dessert would just be her bringing something, as a guest, to help me make ends meet. And what if my wedding is only attended by women as close to me as my grandmother? Why does it then inappropriate for them each to bring a dish?

ETA: My point is that it’s not fair to judge others for seeking the help they need to throw a wedding when many of us are doing the same. Personally, I did everything I could to avoid a pot luck, but if I needed more help, I would hope my family & friends would chip in because they love me & want to support me. I would still host as best I could.

• ProfessorGirl
• 9 years ago

My best friend did a potluck wedding, and it was brilliant, fun, wonderful, meaningful, and didn’t put them in the poorhouse. 

Everyone who just used the word “tacky” on this thread needs to knock it off and stop judging. Shame on all of you.

• yellowbird
• 9 years ago

• Wedding: June 2011

I honestly think it sounds like a ton of fun. Then again, I really don’t like the feel of super formal weddings. Plus, you know you’re gonna get some food you like!

• Ms. Martian
• 9 years ago

• Wedding: September 2012

@Roe:  IMO, it’s different if it’s the bride and groom’s families versus ALL of the guests. I could not imagine asking my mom’s friends, or my FMIL’s friends to bring a dish. My parents’ wedding was a potluck in a way but it was their aunts, grandmothers and mothers that provided all the food and hosted the guests.

• pfinarffle
• 9 years ago

• Wedding: November 1999

We did what amounted to a potluck. We paid for some of the food items, ie booze, desserts etc but certain family members volunteered to bring some of the dishes. People seemd to like it, but it was a daytime and outdoor ceremony. We also attended a more formal wedding later that season. The food at ours was infinitely better than what the formal wedding offered. I say do whatever provides the better food outcome for your guests. All I remember about the formal wedding now is how horrible the food was.

• Roe
• 9 years ago

• Wedding: June 2012

@DeathByDesign:  I think we just have different ideas of what family accepts and supports and does for one another

And if they know what kind of wedding it is from the start and they still object because its not what they would have done, then they can do something else that weekend.