Post # 47
If it was a very close friend or family member I would be totally ok with it. I would so much rather bring a dish and celebrate with them than them decide to elope because they couldn’t afford to feed me. It would be a litte odd if I got an invitation to a wedding for people I didn’t know very well that was pot luck. Not that I think it’s rude or anything, but I would just be unsure of what to bring and how much to make, and would probably just turn it down and send a gift.
Post # 48
Once again, I would call that self-catering, not a potluck. You didn’t expect all your guests to bring food to feed everyone, your family provided it.
If I needed it, I’m sure my family would have helped me feed my guests (either with money or with actual cooking), but I still think that is different than expecting every guest to provide food so you can have a less expensive wedding. What would you think of a wedding with a cover charge? imo, asking guests to bring food is the same thing.
Post # 49
Yeah, I get that. In my original post, I mentioned that if I were to do a potluck, it would only be if we were on a tight budget and if the guestlist was very small and I had close relationships with all of the guests. (Not what our wedding is now!) I don’t see the dividing line between my family and my future in laws– EDIT: (re-read you post, you don’t either ;)–but a small intimate wedding like that, I would consider all of the guests close enough to be family.
@deathbydesign: I don’t see it as the same thing at all, obviously we are not going to agree.
Post # 50
I think its fine. We have asked several people(family) to bring dishes. In fact, I plan on making cheesy potato and homemade potato salad. These dishes always get raves when they are made at family functions and things. 🙂 But I suppose thats not quite a potluck. Though my Fiance was thinking of asking everyone to bring something. I told him absolutely not. I REALLY dont feel comfortable asking my boss and co-workers to bring something. Though hes still kind of pushing to do that. grrrr
Post # 51
I guess I’m just viewing it from my own experiences and perspective as a guest (apologies if that sentence makes no sense lol!).
My personal thought when being invited to a wedding isn’t if I’m going to be compensated for my travel/presence/gift giving with food and alcohol (or anything else). I am honored to have been invited to come celebrate the love! I go with the intention to congratulate and support the couple in whatever reasonable way is deemed necessary. If I have to make one of my famous “Better Than Sex” cakes to do that, then so be it! 🙂
Post # 52
The weddings I went to as a child were pretty much all like this. A rented hall, like an Elks Lodge, plus we all brought food. I remember helping my mom make deviled eggs, etc. It was really fun. Granted, I grew up in a small town where everyone knew each other and it was nice.
Post # 53
I think there is a misunderstanding of what potluck is lol! What you are describing is self-catering: your family provided the food for the guests. Just because you bought and prepared the food doesn’t make it a potluck.
A potluck is when everyone invited to a party is expected to bring food to feed everyone else, so the party is essentially catered by the guests.
Post # 54
But, again, if your family members are the only people in attendance, then the “self catering” actually becomes a potluck. If it’s appropriate for them to self cater, it’s appropriate to have a potluck. The distinction you’re trying to make only makes sense if you have a potluck & invite a bunch of people who aren’t close to you, which most people saying they disagree with.
Post # 55
Honestly, if you’re that offended by being invited to a potluck then my best advice would be to not go. If the couple knew that you were mortified then they probably wouldn’t want you there anyway since you’d be a Judgy McJudgerson the whole time.
There are so many things in the wedding world that someone will find “tacky”. You can’t possibly please everyone.
Post # 56
Fair enough, if close family are the only people invited, I think it’s acceptable.
Post # 57
Yeah, our wedding was around 60 people or so total. My side of the family didn’t even attend because they’re abroad. So it was all definitely people close to us. I guess we all have different things that get us upset with regards to weddings. To me: don’t hold a huge, formal wedding in a mansion, hire a multi-thousand dollar photographer/videographer, buy a multi-thousand dollar wedding dress and rings, go to an expensive Caribbean location for your Honeymoon, but then serve slabs of boiled meat and overcooked shredded veggies to your guests as “dinner.” To me that’s far worse form than the low budget bring your own meal affair. Many of my friends have little to no budgets, but I’d still be delighted to attend even if I had to provide some food and a gift on top of that. I just want to see my friends happy with what they have, not putting on an elaborate yet hollow show. And heck, if I bring my own food, it means that I’ll at least like *some* of the food there! That wasn’t the case at the formal event we attended.
Post # 58
@pfinarffle : “I just want to see my friends happy with what they have, not putting on an elaborate yet hollow show”
Couldn’t agree more. If I was invited to someones wedding that wasnt a close friend, I still would have no problem bringing a dish. I am there to celebrate their happiness and would love to do so in a way that doesnt leave them in debt afterwards!
Post # 59
I go to weddings because I like the people who are getting married, because I’m truly excited to be a part of their day. I don’t go based on what they’ll be feeding me or how good of a job they’ll do entertaining me. I would GLADLY bring a dish to a wedding if the couple asked me to. I feel bad when people are judgemental about the choices of others. If a potluck doesn’t suit you, don’t have one. If you’re invited to a potluck wedding and it doesn’t suit you, don’t go. But PLEASE don’t judge others for their choices.
In the midst of our planning, we had some things happen and were very close to canceling the wedding. We had family and friends begging us to still have it, make it a potluck, BYOB, anything. Why? Because they love us and want us to be able to celebrate. We managed to make some changes and won’t be having a potluck, but we did consider it.
We chose our guest list based on whether people would care how we hosted them. The people who we knew deep down would try their best to join us no matter what made the list. The ones we worried about being judgemental – off the list.
At the end of the day, many of us have different values regarding what a wedding is all about. Some believe it’s all about entertainment. Others believe it’s about having all your closest friends and family in one place, at the same time. Let’s not judge each other’s choices. Having a potluck wedding? I’d love to come. Let me know what I can bring. 🙂
Post # 60
I think that this is a fun idea if you have the right family and a small wedding. I wouldn’t necessarily ask everyone to do it, maybe just your immediate family and aunts and uncles. But I think in general a fun idea. 🙂
Post # 61
Also, I agree with @MalbecMe! I too would gladly bring something someone elses wedding. I love cooking and baking…I’ll bring the cupcakes!