Post # 1
Hello fellow bees,
ok, first let me start off by saying that for the 3years me and my fiancé had been together prior to our engagement, his mother was nothing but nice to me. When we told her we were getting married she was thrilled to officially welcome me to the family and beyond excited to help plan the wedding of her only son. However, once all the wedding planning started rolling, I noticed a definite change in her. It seems that that she has lost sight of the fact that this is not HER wedding and now I’ve found myself in a power struggle with my future mother in law. She’s become incredibly pushy, overly opinionated and is constantly pressuring my future hubby to change our plans for the wedding. Example one: she would pressure my fiancé to add people SHE wanted at the wedding just to have more people from her side of the family than from my side. Example two: when she volunteered to make the cake for my bridal shower, we told her we want vanilla. However, for whatever reason she went ahead and started to make red velvet cake and when we brought it up to her she said it would be changed before the bridal shower, but it wasn’t and to my surprise when I cut the cake at the shower is was RED VELVET. Whenever I tell her any of my plans for the wedding, she always ask me “well why not do it this wau” or “maybe you could do this instead”. Me and my fiancé are paying for the wedding ourselves and I feel that all of the decisions should be ultimately up to us but with her I find myself fighting for control over everything. I don’t want to add tension or ruin the nice relationship we had before the engagement but I definitely feel like there are way too many chiefs and not enough Indians. Have any other bees had this problem? If so how did you get that person to back off without causing any hurt feelings?
Post # 3
Oh my, I’m in the same position right now! Feel free to read my thread below, it’s from last night. I definitely know how you’re feeling!
Future Mother-In-Law problems
PM me if you’d like 🙂
Post # 4
@ymaldonado: I know exactly how you feel. My Future Mother-In-Law is behaving the same way. I assigned her a task and thought she would be happy with it, but it’s not enough whe always wants to interfere, for every detail of the reception…
Post # 5
I am SOOOOOO sorry for you honey. I do know how you feel though… my Future Mother-In-Law is the devil. I won’t go into too much detail but shes “demanding” that we invite her cousins, and 2nd cousins no matter how many times I’ve told her that we are trying to plan a small wedding (okay maybe that has changed now but I won’t give her the satisfaction of knowing that yet). She also wanted to change my candy theme to a fairy theme WTF? and I swear I will flip if I hear her say “well this is my only wedding too” one more time. She has been married twice, grant it this is her only child but ummm yeah this IS OUR only wedding. Oh and of course shes not contributing in anyway.
Post # 6
Sorry OP. They call them Monster in Laws for a reason.
Post # 7
I’m sorry. Honestly, it sounds like you need to just stop telling her about wedding stuff. You can either just not bring it up, change the subject if she does, or just say “Yeah, we’re really excited.”
If she brings it up AND insists on shoving off her views, just say “Thanks for the suggestion but Fiance and I have it worked out.” Repeat as necessary.
Post # 8
@ymaldonado: Mine just can’t resist putting her 2c in on everything. Like you we had a great relationship prior to wedding planning so I was looking forward to Fiance and I working on the wedding. Now she has changed so many things it by screaming no at us that it doesn’t feel like what we wanted.
@Mrs.LemonDrop: I agree the best way is to cut communications about wedding stuff and tell her it’s already worked out.
Post # 9
Post # 10
Why on earth would you allow her to have any say in an event she isn’t paying for? That was your first mistake.
The solution is very simple. Stop sharing wedding details with her. Instruct your Fiance to do the same.
Post # 11
1. Agreed, stop sharing details. It’s the best way to avoid hearing her opinion.
2. I don’t think it’s worth it to get bent out of shape over the flavor of a cake. It’s just cake.
Post # 12
While I can see what both of you are saying makes complete sense, sometime FMIL’s don’t make this easy. Mine calls me specifically to get caught up on wedding details. She’ll ask about what I’m doing with various aspects of the wedding, and she can be a tad pushy about some things (although most of it seems well-intended, it can come off as bossy). The most frustrating point is that Fiance feels like he’s trapped in the middle of it at times. Future Mother-In-Law has found that her best approach is to tell Fiance what is important to her and make a big deal about it. Fiance knows very little about weddings and Future Mother-In-Law has convinced him that she knows about how things should be done, so he in turn brings her suggestions to me — but at first I foten think they’re HIS opinions, so I end up trying to compromise with him — not realizing that it’s actually from Future Mother-In-Law. :-/
Post # 13
- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
One of the politest ways to avoid the wedding talk- “FI and I agreed to have a wedding-talk free weekend- we need a little break from it.” 🙂
You can also say “Thank you so much for the suggestion, but we have that already planned/taken care of.”
Post # 14
I ran into this this past weekend – I mentioned choosing songs to Fiance, his mother heard and ran to her CDs to pick out horrid stuff like Martin Gaye (who has the last name of gaye these days?) I had to bite my tongue but all I could think of is “it’s MY wedding…” My Fiance & I told her no to all but 1 song and she got very upset and then starting attacking me for the way I was raised, saying I was sheltered and saying my parents were lesser people for this.
Post # 15
@danicalifornia: Well, Marvin Gaye did. Amazing singer and spirit by the way…
Post # 16
@Mrs.LemonDrop: This is great advice. Ignore, distract, re-direct, and placate.