(Closed) Power struggles make for a sad bride. So lost—long/vent

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
1177 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

The only way to handle someone who’s manipulative and passive-aggressive like that is to set boundaries and keep enforcing them, which it sounds like you’re doing. The hard part is detaching emotionally. Just keep in mind that if she’s upset about your perfectly reasonable decisions, it’s her problem, not yours. She will get over it and she’s not going to stop loving you.

Post # 5
Member
168 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2018

Your wedding planner friend will be used to this. I work in the events industry and weddings are one of those things most event managers don’t want to touch because of the parents haha. Your mum will be so much better off if you have a DOC – just let her know that you want her not to be tied down to a schedule so she can enjoy the day with you. You want her to be available when you need her, not running around handling logistics. 

Post # 6
Member
5778 posts
Bee Keeper

You need a wedding planner for a timeline? I can almost see how this will go with your Future Mother-In-Law and HER friend, and your Mom (who doesn’t get along with the Future Mother-In-Law already), so she only sees 3 against one….and lots of changes to things that have already been decided and are already done. You can’t see why this might hurt her feelings?

Getting help from a planner maybe months ago would have been helpful, but now that you’re so close I guess I don’t see the need or the point. A timeline is one of the easiest things to plan, and there are a ton of online sources to help.

Post # 9
Member
5778 posts
Bee Keeper

Weell…as far as I’ve seen, David Tutera comes in and changes everything, as most of what he sees he deems tacky, right? Most wedding planners will try and make things ‘go more smoothly’ or try and paint a picture of what or how it could be MUCH more fabulous, and for the most part only see how their way is so much better. I’ve dealt with a few and their ideas only ended up costing a ton more money and making you feel guilty if you didn’t want to up the ante.

Maybe this one will just offer some helpful hints and everyone will be happy.

Whether or not you believe it or recognize it, this is a pretty special time for most Moms and daughters, and she only wants you to have a beautiful wedding. It isn’t worth ruining a life long relationship over one day.

Post # 10
Member
168 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2018

@ItWasntMe:  on reality TV sure, in real life coming in and changing everything last minute is a nightmare. A wedding planners job and reputation rests on her client being happy and having her expectations met. A planner isn’t going to be in business long is they try to waltz in and make it all about their own vision. Besides day of logistics is different from planning the wedding – it’s about making what you have come together and run smoothly so the guests can enjoy the glossy finished event, not think about the behind the scenes aspects. 

The topic ‘Power struggles make for a sad bride. So lost—long/vent’ is closed to new replies.

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