(Closed) Advice please?!

posted 7 years ago in Interfaith
Post # 3
Member
164 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Hey There!

I am also an interfaith Catholic bee. What is required is dispensation of (creed?) because your fiance is a baptized Christian (right?) and so you can get married in a Church. You could also get a dispensation of form and get married in a Protestant Church (which is actually what Fiance and I are doing, even though he’s Jewish) I believe the co-officiating thing varies priest to priest.

As for pre-Cana, experiences differ. My parents were told by a priest that God wanted them to be good parents and that meant having a family they could afford to support, i.e. use birth control. TOTALLY not the Church position!

They *can* say no to marrying you, because the Priest has to believe that the wedding is valid. There are very few circumstnaces under which that is the case, but not attending Pre-Cana can be one of them.

Post # 5
Member
105 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

@littlegraykitten: Dont worry about Pre-Cana. I just finished mine. No one will make you answer personal questions or even speak if you dont want to. You can choose to just listen, if thats what your comfortable with. You will have to answer A LOT of questions – but they are only to be shared/discussed with you fiance! If you can, take a class thats split up into day long classes (two saturdays)…thats the best and over quick! I have heard that the intensive weekends are very uncomfortable if you are not very Christian, as most that do those tend to be, and they will also seperate you and your fiance and put you in a room overnight with another female in the class. The other option is to do weekly shorter classes – but those go on foreeeever. But whatever you choose – dont worry! its a breeze. PS – priests dont necc do pre-cana, its usually a married couple of the same faith. Ask about doing it in a different state, it probably wont be a problem. you just need a certificate that said you completed it.

As far as what they will or wont let you do in a Catholic Church – talk to your priest. And if your priest is difficult, talk to another priest. While we werent inerfaith, we had some issues to because my fiance was only baptised, and neither of us really had a “parish” as we were non-practising (although now we are, go figure haha).

Also, if you are not concerned with Baptising your future children as Roman Catholics, you could go to the Protestant church. Its still a Christian church! 🙂 Even if you do this, down the line you can always look into having your marriage acknoledged by the Catholic Church, two of my friends will be doing that soon.

 

 

Post # 6
Member
105 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I just wanted to say, i had ALOT of issues I had to deal with the Catholic church, and I thought it would be a REAL hassle, but once I sat down and spoke with my Priest, it was EASY CHEESY. seriously, i know we all have good advice here…but just talk to your priest in the parish you wish to marry in (you/your parents probably will have to be a part of this parish, unless you have special allowance from your parish to marry at another church)

Post # 7
Member
125 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Protestant bee here.  I attended a Lutheran-Catholic interfaith wedding a couple of years ago that was in a Catholic church, and the priest did most of the officiating, but there was a Lutheran minister present who blessed the couple.  It wasn’t a particularly “liberal” or “conservative” Catholic church, seemed pretty middle-of-the-road, and everybody seemed genuinely delighted at the interfaith nature of it — it was openly acknowledged, I think language was changed to be more inclusive, there was a lot of congregational singing (which is a very Lutheran quality), etc.

So, short answer, yes.  Of course it really does depend on your officiant/church/what have you.

 

Post # 8
Member
133 posts
Blushing bee

@mngf:  You can find a description of the Catholic Rite of Marriage here:  http://foryourmarriage.org/rite-for-celebrating-marriage-outside-of-mass/

You can’t really have a “co-officiated” wedding – it has to be a Catholic Rite of Marriage officiated by a priest or deacon.  But there are a few interfaith things you can add in.  For example, after the priest performs the Nuptial Blessing but before dismissal, you can have another minister perform a blessing.  You can also have a non-Catholic minister read one (or both) of the New or Old Testament readings.  You can do things like add in additional music and songs, etc.

What you can’t have is the protestant minister standing next to the priest and both conducting the wedding and receiving the vows.  That’s not allowed.  It doesn’t depend on the church, either.  Even the most liberal Catholic Church has to follow the same rules for marriage.  Those are set by the national conference of bishops and are the same everywhere in the country.

It’s important to understand this because if you walk into a priest’s office and say “I want you to co-officiate.”, you’ll probably be told no, whereas “I would like to be married in the Catholic Church.  Can we include my non-Catholic minister anywhere in the service?” would probably be treated differently.

 

Also, to correct a few things, you don’t need a dispensation for a Catholic and a Baptized Christian to marry.  You need a “Permission for Mixed Marriage” which is simple paperwork.  It’s only really a problem if the Catholic is considering converting away from Catholicism. 

Also, don’t worry about premarital sex.  That’s not a reason to deny you marriage.  Neither is cohabitation.  If you’re asked about either and admit to it, all that does is trigger a different discussion in pre-cana more relevant to your situation.  But you’ll still be married.

Things that prevent marriage:  being divorced, being too young (younger than 16), being too closely related (first cousins), the potential for the Catholic to leave the Catholic Church because of the marriage, if one is mentally unstable, or if the priest feels that you’re not intent on making a life long commitment,  In reality, it’s very, very rare that a wedding is not approved.  When it does happen, it’s almost always because one of the couple has been previously married and tried to hide it from the priest (and sometimes even the fiance). 

 

 

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