Post # 1
My partner and I are eloping on the Isle of Skye in February. It isn’t a ‘secret’ as both sets of parents know, but we haven’t announced it to other friends and family yet. Not sure how far it has travelled by word of mouth, but it’s no bother.
I had the idea that I could send out announcements telling people (family and close friends) where and when we are eloping, and then asking if they would send us a wee note to us for our wedding day in an included envelope (with stamp) that we could read after our ceremony so it is like having friends and family there. Then those people would get post-elopement announcement/thank you messages in the post afterward.
How would you react if you received something like this?
Part of the reason why we are doing this is because we live in Scotland, but most of our family is in France, throughout the USA, and in New Zealand. We want a really small wedding and there would be no way we could keep things uber small and casual if we had loads of folk flying in from across the world. However, I don’t want our elopement to be a secret and I really would like to involve my nearest and dearest as much as possible.
Post # 2
I don’t think you should send out what is essentially an anti-invite. Save the date! You’re not invited! It might be nice for you to try and get notes, but it’s not nice to the people youd send it to. I dont think you can have it both ways- you marry with your family/friends around or you don’t. I think you should just stick to the wedding announcements, and you can tell your closest friends before personally. And not in the mail.
Post # 3
MrsBuesleBee: I agree, OP I think it would be a sort of slap to the face if you tell them the exact date and location well ahead of time and ask them to be involved but not invite them. But I do like your idea to ask for letters and sentiments you can read with your FI on the day. So perhaps do a similar thing, send out announcements of your elopement, but after the fact, and instead of asking for letters and sentiments you can read on your wedding day ask for letters and sentiments you can seal in an envelope, open and read on your first wedding anniversary? I think that is a way to get the letters you wanted, but without upsetting anybody.
Post # 4
neverendingpiethrowingrobot: I think a better way to do this would be to have your mothers contact your family and pose this as their idea.
Jimmy and Sally are getting married in a private ceremony on such and such, we thought it might be nice if close family wrote notes or well wishes for them to read after the ceremony.
Post # 5
neverendingpiethrowingrobot: Nope. I think the whole purpose of an elopement is not telling everyone you know you’re going to do it. After you send announcements out, after the ceremony, people will send you their good wishes.
Post # 6
If you tell everyone your plans, you’re not eloping. What your describing is a private ceremony.
Post # 7
neverendingpiethrowingrobot: I agree with MsGinkgo. If you want these kind of letters and notes have your mothers send out a request for them. That way your family and friends will know that your parents approve of you having a private ceremony and are still trying to include them. Then after your ceremony send out the announcements, maybe include a wedding picture and a short note thanking them for their well wishes. Good Luck!!
Post # 8
I actually really like the idea, but I wouldn’t tell them about the date/location… You might have people show up, and even if they don’t you’re going to have people itching to go.
I love that idea as well!
Just really think about what you want to do and think about the reprecussions and how your family/friends might feel. I think it’s really sweet you want to include them and hope you find something that will make everyone happy 🙂
Post # 9
Rhopalocera: I agree. An elopement is where you ‘run away’ to get married, forsaking the usual public nature of the cerermony. A good deal of what is being discussed on this thread is not an elopement at all, but merely a civil/small /family only wedding . You dont hire wedding planners book tables and venues and all that for an elopement , it’s just you and him, on your own, unannounced beforehand . Not for every couple , but perfect for many .