Post # 1
I am eloping to Hawai in February 2019! I am so excited!
I am looking for opinions on pre-wedding events. We are eloping to try to escape a lot of the stress of a traditional wedding. I know that my sister will probably want to do something for me, such as a bachelorette-type thing. I don’t want to have my closest friends left out, same thing for dress shopping.
I understand that etiquette usually dictates that you don’t hold any events if you are eloping.
My proposed solution is having them come for a celebration at a cottage/ winery and pay for them so that they don’t feel like they’re paying for a wedding they didn’t attend.
I’m interested to hear your thoughts!
Post # 2
I think a bachelorette is ok, but would skip showers and whatnot.
Post # 3
If you are eloping you can’t really have pre events as the whole point is that no one should know you are getting married.
If you are having a small private destination wedding, then you can do a hen night if you want. I think a shower is a bit gift grabby (but then in the UK we don’t have them so I don’t get the point of them anyway)
Post # 4
I would do something afterwards, as a delayed celebration of your marriage, but not before. No matter how you spin in or even if you pay, you are still throwing an event in your own honor. People may still feel imposed upon to bring gifts or because they are not invited to the wedding.
Post # 5
I think a bachelorette is totally fine if your sister has already offered to host it! I would definitely pay your own way though so it’s more just a fun night out/weekend for everyone. It’s fine to find ways to celebrate with loved ones, as long as you don’t expect them to go way out of their way and pay for you/get you gifts.
I would avoid having a bridal shower because I think it’s innapropriate to expect gifts without hosting guests at a wedding.
Post # 6
jade31 : Do you mean you’re proposing the winery thing AS a pre-elopement event, or you’re thinking of inviting them to the winery thing as a substitute for the wedding so you can then expect them to plan pre-elopement events for you?
Post # 7
Also, just a Public Service Announcement for anyone interested: “Etiquette dictates… ” is just another way of saying “Nice people do/don’t….” For example, “etiquette dictates that you don’t hold any events if you are eloping” just means “nice people don’t expect their friends to throw them parties to celebrate an event that those friends are not invited to.” It’s not some complicated or archaic thing. “Etiquette” simply boils down to what nice people do or don’t do.
Post # 8
I would avoid gift giving events like showers, but if a group of girls want to take you out for a bacholerette I don’t see the harm. I recommend post-elopement gathering to toast your marriage. It is strange to be invited to celebrate beforehand when you aren’t going to be invited to the event.
I did the whole “no one knows” style elopement and my Dad just invited everyone to a local pub to toast us. I was surprised at the turn out.
Post # 9
Thanks for your input, I think that I will just let what happens happen before, and not organize anything beforehand, I am very averse to appearing to be asking for gifts of any kind!!
Post # 10
I have a friend who got married with only their immediate family present. We still had a bachelorette party for her and a couple friends threw her a big shower. I know etiquette says no celebratory events if you’re eloping but I never thought it was weird, seemed completely natural to us to still celebrate the upcoming marriage even if we weren’t witnessing it.