(Closed) Pre-engaged and going nuts!

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
1059 posts
Bumble bee

Am totally in the same situation as you! Except you sound calmer about things, and except you both have established that you’ll spend the rest of your lives together. You can read my other posts and know that you’re not alone. I can’t suggest anything particularly helpful, sadly, because I’m in a similar situation and don’t know what to do either, except just up and leave because I am So Tired Of Waiting, and because I alternate between being crazy obsessive, resentful, and calm. Sigh.

Post # 4
Member
2523 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

He sounds like he gets to a point where he feels like he’s ready, but then gets scared and backs off. It might be that you need to give him a little more time, but it’s evident that he is thinking of marriage. It might take waiting for him to bring it up again if he keeps shutting you down when you bring it up, or you might have to find a new approach for talking about marriage.

Post # 5
Member
1093 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I wish I could peek inside his mind and tell you whats going on. He’s giving you some major mixed signals. I mean taking you to try on engagement rings then freaking out when YOU bring a timeline up is putting you on emotional roller coaster. That’s not fair to you. The only thing I can say is to not bring it up and when he does tell him he should choose which way it is. “I’m ready for marriage or I’m not”

 

Post # 6
Member
5 posts
Newbee

I am in the same situation! I have no words of wisdom other than you are not alone. That doesn’t make things better but it’s good know you’re not the only lonely resentful obsessed woman waiting on marriage. My guy doesn’t get anger when I mention a timeline, he is actually the opposite. He smiles and shrugs it off like its just around the corner and I shouldn’t ruin the surprise…..he has done that for two years now. Just as frustrated as you honey! Hang in there I guess. My guy and I have only been together 2 years as well so leaving is a little premature. I have decided to only discuss marriage with the wedding bee ladies and find new hobbies to keep my mind off of marriage. I am actually on here today because I just woke up and all of a sudden felt very lonely and resentful. Good luck! Sending hugs your way!

 

Post # 8
Member
868 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Mr Bee’s plan maybe??? Also the next time it comes up you may wanna have a mental list of all the things he’s done to make it seem like he was ready (ring shopping, tentative date) so he can understand that you are CONFUSED not disappointed and that you thought you were following his lead bc he brought this stuff up, not pushing him

Post # 9
Member
1328 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

Maybe you could start a covnerstaion and focus on the mixed-signals and his feelings, instead of just bringing up the timeline?  Say something like “I’ve noticed lately that when I bring up our future and marriage you seem a bit taken aback.  This has been confusing to me because in the past we’ve discussed this, like trying on rings and you talking about wedding plans.  Is there something in particular concerning you about wedding talk now?”

Try to keep the conversation very low pressure; make it clear that you’re not pushing to set a date right now, you just want to know how he’s feeling.  Maybe you can get at the root of why he’s suddenly flipping out.  Perhaps something happened, like he heard about a friends bad marriage or something at work has him worried about his financial future.  It could be that he is having trouble with commitment, or maybe something totally unrelated.

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