(Closed) Pre Engagement

posted 5 years ago in 20 Something
Post # 3
Member
4040 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

in my opinion, 2 months is WAY WAY WAY too soon. 6-8 months MINIMUM and a year is better. And I say this being almost 36 when I started dating my now-FI. We dated almost 2 years before he proposed.

ETA: I do think you can have a GENERAL conversation to see how he feels about marriage as a concept. Is it something he wants? what about kids? those kinds of general topics are good at the 2 month mark. Not wondering when he will propose to you specifically

 

Post # 4
Member
8472 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

OMG.. It takes TIME to get to know someone!  Relax lady, you are still young!  I think it’s a little soon to be discussing marriage to be honest with you.

Post # 5
Member
3778 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I won’t necessarily say that any certain amount of time is too soon or long enough. I will say that I’ve noticed that men tend to be on their “good boy” behavior for about the first 6 months. After that, they start to really be themselves. Coincidentally, 6 months has always been about the amount of time I actually “like” a significant other.

 

The only person I’ve ever liked for longer than that is my fiance. We have been together a little over 3 years and I still “like” him. We have had time to learn about each other’s likes and dislikes, hot buttons, favorite foods, families, hopes, wants, life goals, etc. We truly KNOW each other. Granted, I knew I was going to marry him before I even knew his name, but that is a story for a different thread. He proposed 2 months before our 3 year anniversary. I knew it was right and I love him more and more every day.

 

If you two feel like you’re BOTH ready to commit for a lifetime, then go for it. But there is no harm in waiting to be ABSOLUTELY sure.

Post # 6
Member
1657 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

@Rubbs:  +1

Post # 7
Member
10367 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

Less than two months means you are still in the puppy dog rush of lust phase. It doesn’t matter what age you are, that’s a horrible time in the relationship to get engaged! You need to let the fairy tale honeymoon phase wear off a bit, and get to know each other’s less glamourous habits. Without the nitty gritty, you can’t know whether a marriage would be successful or not.

Post # 8
Member
285 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2014 - Glen Sanders Mansion

@crayfish:  +1.  Definitely think OP should slow down a bit.  I don’t know what your relationship is like exactly, but it may even be a bit soon for the “how do you feel about marriage?” bit.  Enjoy the early part of the relationship and see how things are in 6-12 months.  You are both definitely still in the honeymoon phase of the relationship.

Post # 9
Member
722 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

IMO, 2 months is way too soon to really know a person and know that you want to spend the rest of your life with them. Fiance & I have been together going on 4years. It took 2 1/2 years & a baby together for us to know everything about each other! 

Post # 10
Member
2490 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

Wait at least 6 months. Two months is just not enough time!

Post # 11
Member
579 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

@CavalierLove17:  I think it’s awesome that you found someone who you want to marry! I know you may be excited but if I were you I’d wait until you have dated for at least 8 months before bringing up marriage, and see how he feels about getting engaged around the 1 year mark. You never know.. he might even ask you before then!

Post # 12
Member
377 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

My Fiance got engaged to his last gf after 2 weeks of dating. He said they just knew and they were smitten with each other. They rushed everything and had the whole wedding planned before they had been together for 6 months. Come the 9 month mark they hated each other. He had depression since being 14 and she couldnt cope with it, she had a daughter and while he loved this little girl he felt he was only staying because of her. Then she broke up with him, he says it was the best thing that ever happened to him because he thought he was trapped because they had a wedding planned. When he asked me to marry him we had been together 2 years and bought a home together so it was definately more serious, we know each other inside out and know what makes each other happy/sad/depressed/angry etc. It takes time to know somebody like that and the first year is tricky. There is no harm in discussing your future as like you said you are both adults but theres no need to rush things. If you do get engaged maybe have a long engagement so you can be 100% sure 

Post # 14
Member
514 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

We moved in together after three months (officially) and were engaged after 5 months, and quite honestly we both knew before that! We talked about marriage/babies in general after about a month and then more at about 4 months.  It was so obvious we were on the same page about life and our values and spent a lot of time together talking about it.  We have both had difficult experiences in the past and we were ready to embrace happiness and decided not to wait.  We are both in our 30s.

I thought objectively about it as well as with my heart and it was the easiest decision i ever made, but definitely would be too soon for lots of people i think.

Post # 15
Member
602 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@CavalierLove17:  my husband and I had “the marriage talk” when we’d been together a couple of months.  We’d known each other for years and we’d fallen head over heels fr each other.  We discussed what our feelings meant and where we saw it going.  He told me he wanted me for the rest of my life and that was good enough for me.  A year later he proposed at the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris.  I think there’s no harm in discussing where you see things going, and I know it’s exciting to be on a whirlwind, but use your head also.

My advice is this:  You know your heart (I knew mine after 2 months) but I think the wise thing to do is have that discussion with him, bring it up in coversation naturally and it will give you a feel for his goals and ambitions in life. my husband and I moved in together after only 3 months of dating because he was having room mate issues, and it was the best move for us.  I knew then he was my only and he felt the same.  It strengthened our relationship, although being Christian we wanted to get married as soon as we can afford it.

I think some of the other girls are seeing red flags, but only you know how you feel – just let your head get involved as well as your heart and good luck 🙂

Post # 16
Member
3468 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

@s2bmrscook:  +1 

2 months is not enough time to really know a relationship IMO. You may want to marry him, but you need to give it more time before you talk marriage. Enjoy learning about eachother because that’s one of the best parts of a new relationship. Save the marriage stuff for like a year from now. 

 

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