Post # 1
Hello, I’m new here and I thought I’d ask for some advice. How do you handle the preengagement disappointment of *thinking* he’s going to propose time and time again… only to be totally wrong?
SO and I moved in together 6 months ago after I sold my condo. I told him I only felt comfortable moving in to his house if he was certain we would get engaged within a year. I told him no pressure, we can put off moving in, but I need to know that before hand. He assured me we would be engaged within a year. (Note: he had asked me to move in for about 6 months before I agreed. I wanted to be sure this was the real deal. We had also talked about marriage before moving in).
I like to think I have patience, but every weekend trip to a winery, big family BBQ and more-romantic-than-normal date I get excited that THIS might be it! And it isn’t 🙁
I dont want to ruin the surprise or tell him about this feeling, because it’s not something he’s doing and it hasn’t even been a whole year yet. So, how do you deal with the anticipation and disappointment?
Post # 2
Lib3ll3: I started doing that after 4 years of dating….and then after a few times, I realized I was causing myself stress and anxiety. Just stop thinking about it – forcibly push it out of your mind! It’ll happen when the time is right – there’s no use causing yourself distress. 🙂
Plus – when it does finally happen – it will be fantastic, unexpected, and wonderful.
Post # 3
Thanks 🙂 I know I just need to try to not think about it. Just excited to start the next phase of our lives!
We have a cruise coming up in September. I’m hoping that I can walk away from that not disappointed if he doesn’t propose. easier said than done!
Post # 4
Simple. Screw the surprise. Ask him to give you a warning when it’s coming. He doesn’t need to tell you details, so there can still be some surprise. But that way you don’t have your heart leap every time he drops his napkin. Problem solved.
Post # 5
My FI and I talked. It was really simple, I asked him one day if he needed a timeline for himself, as I know how he is…he’s one of those guys who needs a self placed time frame of getting stuff done. He placed the end of March as the time frame and it made both of us more relaxed, knowing that it would happen. Don’t be a nag about it, just bring it up as a topic of conversation once…have the timeline conversation and then let the timeframe happen. Don’t bring it up again.
Post # 6
He already gave you a timeline. He said you would be engaged before you were living together for a year. Give him that time without constantly setting yourself up for disappointment.