(Closed) Pre-engagement/ Promise Ring

posted 11 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
387 posts
Helper bee

That’s a lovely ring πŸ™‚

Do people often mistake it for an engagement ring though?

Post # 5
255 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

My then boyfriend (FI now) gave me a ring in college, then we broke up.  (Ok I broke up with him.)  but I alway kept the ring in a special place.  When we got back together 5 or so years later, I confessed that I still had the ring and gave it back to him to give back to me!  But like 5 months after that I got my Engagement Ring anyways πŸ™‚

Post # 6
387 posts
Helper bee

I personally would wear it on my left ring finger, as the ring is a pointer to your future marriage, right?

It’s very sweet that he gave you one πŸ™‚

Post # 7
767 posts
Busy bee

I think this has to do with engagement ring drift.

I think engagement rings used to be about the promise to marry.  Like, if you decided to get married and got married in a couple of months – no engagement ring just the wedding ring.  Because it’s not even so much an egagement but a decision to marry.  As a concept I think engagement rings only make sense if there is a significant amount of time between the engagement and wedding.

Also to me an engagement is a promise to marry – so the idea that a promise ring is something different is weird.  What does a promise ring signify?  A promise to get married that everyone has been warned not to take a seriously as an engagement ring?  I dunno. I don’t make promises and accept them if they aren’t serious.

I think a promise ring worn on the left hand as a symbol of an intention to marry eventually = engagement ring that’s not as big as the two people involved want.  Tiny or even no stone engagement rings are no less engagement rings!

So of course the haha thing is I’m a total hypocrite!  I have an engagement ring even though we got engaged and immediatley started planning the wedding.  It’s just the way things are done these days so most everyone goes with the tradition.  And if it works for you why not?  But conceptually I still think it makes no sense.

Cute ring though!

P.S.  I’ve been a little annoyed at a co worker who has a ring she relatively recently acquired as a present and wears on her left ring finger.  I asked if she was engaged (because that is the strong cultural meaning!) and when she said no felts like such an idiot who put a foot in my mouth and extremly akward as if I was touching a painful subject.  I don’t know that she felt akward maybe she didn’t.  But I was frustrated because I felt like I was put into a situation where I was in the ‘wrong’ simply by relying on well accepted cultural symbolism. 

Post # 9
1497 posts
Bumble bee

i have one given to me by the mister on our first anniversary. he expressly said it was a “pre-enagement ring” and i wear it on my left ring finger. then again, i’ve only ever worn rings on that finger.

my ring is actually a peridot [my birthstone] with two diamond sidestones and it gets mistaken for an ering all the time.

Post # 10
1374 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Yeah, I don’t really get the whole promise ring thing, either.  I guess it’s sort of taken the place of wearing your boyfriend’s “pin” back in the day or something.  A ring given to someone as a symbol of their promise to marry is an engagement ring by definition.  It’s a very sweet gesture and pretty ring, though!  πŸ™‚

Post # 11
1428 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

i never got a promise ring but he did give me his class ring and I would either wear it around my neck or wear it on my left pointer finger/thumb. Now I’m engaged but it was so sweet to be able to have his ring.

Post # 12
1770 posts
Buzzing bee

Yep, I got a promise ring and I got him one.  My fiance replaced it with an engagement ring, and he still wears his πŸ™‚

Post # 13
20 posts

I’m not gonna lie – even though in my head I don’t really believe in promise rings, when my boyfriend bought me a ring as a gift last summer, I still wanted it to be a promise ring. And my boyfriend, while he has specifically told me he doesn’t belive in promise rings, still likes to move my ring from it’s usual spot on my right hand to my left hand ring finger when he is feeling smitten.

I think my ring might be considered a promise ring by others, but for us the promise is in our words to one another and the ring is just a token (except when we are feeling really lovey).

If it’s a promise ring given as in, I promise to marry you someday, that just doesn’t seem useful since that’s the purpose of an engagement ring. But I do think it can be a sweet gesture, especially when it’s more a general sign of commitment than an actual promise of marriage.


Soon2bBB – It’s funny how you and your partner chose a promise ring because you felt you were too young for marriage – that’s the main reason I don’t want mine to be one! We are definitely not prepared for marriage yet and having a ring be a promise to promise just feels sort of awkward (also a little like stealing a cookie, or being on Weddingbee before you’re engaged – oops). Instead we are waiting until we are ready to promise and that will be with a formal engagement ring. It’s interesting how the same situation can have very different meanings and responses for different people though!

Post # 14
2593 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

My Fiance got me a promise ring for Christmas the first year we were together. He asked me what I wanted for Christmas and I jokingly said “a ring..with diamonds on it”. Apparently he took what I said to heart and bought me a beautiful promise ring with 3 small diamonds in it! I wore it on my left hand until we got engaged. I’m not sure what I’m doing to do with it now (maybe resize it and wear it on another hand?). All I know is that everytime I look at that ring my heart skips a beat and I smile πŸ™‚

Post # 15
8375 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I got an “i love you” ring on our first anniversary. It’s an amethyst so it looks nothing like an engagement ring. Not a promise to get married, just a token of love I guess. I wore it on my left hand because we were long distance and it kept the pesky boys away. And he said he wanted me to continue doing that, so I did, no big deal.

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