(Closed) Pre-engagement: veiws on divorce?

posted 9 years ago in Waiting
  • poll: What are your views on divorce?


    Never - provided no abuse/infidelity.

    It's an option if things don't work out.

    I don't expect marriage to last forever.

    Other: Explain in comments.

  • Post # 16
    338 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    View original reply
    @armychica06: Everything you just said.

    Post # 17
    3182 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    I think some people have varying views on what “if things don’t work out” means.  I think some people think of it as as soon as difficulties arise you end the marriage. To me it means you have tried everything in your power to resolve issues but you know that you would be a happier person if you were no longer married to that person.  So yes, I would get a divorce if that was the case.  And I have a feeling that the majority of people, if they were in that situation, would do the same even if they aren’t considering that a possibility at the moment. 

    Post # 18
    108 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    I would have to have a really good reason. I would not divorce if I was just like tried of him or some how his physical features are changed lol. I am in the relationship I am in because I truly love my Fiance. 

    Post # 19
    483 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    I take marriage very seriously, and I would prefer to be with one person for the rest of my life, also that same person (my first love and first everything in my life)  but if for some reason things don’t turn out, we’re unhappy then divorce should be an option on the table.  

    Trust me I’m not taking it lightly when I say that, I come from a broken family and divorces all around me, I would HATE that option…   but I would hate to feel “stuck” if things aren’t right or go sour, for any reason. 

    I would also hate to be stuck in a relationship with no on going effort to keep things fun and interesting, I know that would just drive me nuts, it’s what of the fears I had of getting married, it always feels like people just give up and let themselves go but I’m not that type of person and I hope my spouse isn’t either. 

    I would never leave my spouse for a handicap or illness, and I would never adjust to the world if I lost my other half.  
    I’m a huge bird lover, and many birds mate for life, I adore that devotion I see in many species. 

    Post # 20
    806 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    There are a lot of pretty sucky situations it’s hard to conceive of when things are fairly new and you’re so in love… things besides abuse or infidelity that I don’t think anyone should have to stick with for life because you “took a vow”…

    …what if they become addicted or alcoholic and refuse treatment?

    …what if they stop working (get fired or quit voluntarily) and refuse to go back to work despite you wanting them to?  Leaving you holding the bag financially for the two of you even though you never signed onto that and they are capable of working if they chose to?

    …what if they stop having sex with you for years at a time (not due to some medical issue) and refuse to talk about it?  And they aren’t interested in giving you any type of physical affection or closeness?

    …what if, as time goes by, they refuse to be emotionally intimate, don’t want to talk about feelings, and fight your efforts to work on things?

    I am pro-divorce if things are broken down for whatever reason and and there are things your partner could do to fix it and they refuse to.  Life’s too short to be unhappily married forever.

    Post # 21
    198 posts
    Blushing bee

    I don’t believe in divorce except in cases of infidelity.

    Post # 22
    181 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    To me there are many many reasons to divorce and I don’t seek that promise not to from my Fiance. I seek the promise that we both always put our relationship first above everything in life – that even if we were to have kids if we don’t nurture our relationship our family will fail too. 

    This includes honesty even if it hurts the other person. If he is falling in love with someone else, I need to know so we can decide together what we want to do with that. Vice versa too.



    Post # 23
    2580 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    We are currently engaged, but I agree with the PPs who have said it’s definitely not a band-aid or quick fix…we would never enter into a marriage with the expectation that if it didn’t work out, we would end it. For us, part of getting married is that it’s a step above a relationship and a commitment that you’re not going to break up if the going gets tough.Both of our parents have been married for 35+ years and we’ve seen them work through difficult times together. I do feel we are lucky to have great role models for marriage, and I absolutely see us being together forever. That said, I do understand there are sometimes unforeseen circumstances that make it difficult to say “never.” I would instead say we don’t see it as a remedy, and we hope to be committed to work through our problems.

    Post # 24
    272 posts
    Helper bee

    against!  unless he hits you or goes and finds another lady for da bootay!

    Post # 25
    1044 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    I think life is too short to spend it miserable, with someone you loathe. For me, that’s when divorce in an option.

    Of course everyone wants their marrige to last forever, but you have to be realistic that not everything works out as planned.

    Post # 26
    68 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    Something to think about re: staying married if children are involved: I am a child of divorce.  My parents tried to stay together much longer than they should have because of me (I am an only child). They fought, which sucked.  My dad spent all of his time at work or with different organizations he was involved with, to avoid my mom.  This also sucked.  Once they finally decided to split up, it was awesome for me–no more hiding in my room while they fought.  And, my dad went out of his way to see me (vs going out of his way to avoid my mom and thus me in the process).  It has been 20+ years since they divorced and I still think that their divorce was the best thing for my relationship with my dad that ever happened–we are now very, very close which would never have happened if they stayed married.

    That said, I am 34 years old and just now getting married…as I have been VERY picky about who I got serious about. Because I saw first hand what not marrying the person you know 100% is the one for you results in–a nasty old divorce and/or unhappiness.  


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