(Closed) Pre-marital counseling?

posted 9 years ago in Long Distance Relationships
Post # 3
Member
44 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2010

My Fiance and I are doing our premarriage counseling now (average takes 12 sessions) and we love it! We have been together a long time, lived together for 4 yrs, and were really resistant. But, after deciding that we wanted to start our marriage as healthy as possible, we started going. I thought it was going to be awkward with the potential of finger-pointing. But, it’s really helped us communicate better–kind of like a relationship check-up. My only advice would be that you both need to be serious about it. It won’t be useful if one of you is not willing to try.

Good Luck!

 

 

Post # 4
Member
2767 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

we went to a premarital retreat weekend for our church.  and we see a therapist in town for the rest of our problems (mostly related to wedding planning).  i recommend seeing a therapist.  they really help to teach you more effective methods of communicating with each other and getting through arguments.

Post # 5
Member
123 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

If we can afford it, FH and I definitely want to do counseling.  We don’t have huge problems with one another, but I think it would be a wonderful opportunity for us to get to know each other even better, and to work on minor problems we might have before we get married and let them balloon into huge problems.

If we end up not being able to invest in this, I remember a couple months back, a Bee (I can’t remember who!) recommended some really cool books for the bride and groom (it was like 7 Questions to Ask Your Fiance, or something like that..), and we’ll do that instead.

Either way, I think premarital counseling is a really smart thing to do.

Post # 6
Member
314 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

My Fiance and I really wanted to do pre-marital counseling. We’ve lived together for 2 years, but marriage is a very different thing to co-habitation. Alas, we are not able to have professional counseling pre-wedding (we’re currently in remote China), but will do so as soon as we’re back in the English-speaking world (post-wedding). In the interim, I’ve pulled topics off the internet that we’ve started discussing as a precursor.

In general I think it’s good to have an unbiased 3rd party help a couple navigate issues that most couples will surely face together throughout their marriage. If nothing else, it opens the door for conversation. Some topics may never have occurred to you and you don’t even know your own thoughts or opinions on the matter, so it’s good to be prompted on those issues. For myself, I’ve discovered what a shift in mindset it is for me to think about future decisions that are good for us as a family and the art of compromise. I’ve always been very independent and done what I wanted, when and how I wanted. As much as I love my Fiance, it is a challenge for me to get my head around that particular issue. But I think it’s good that I’m aware of it and thinking of ways to make it work without losing myself.

 

 

Post # 7
Member
407 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

The Fiance and I haven’t really talked about it. We’re not really religious people but I would definitely like to. I think it’s important to be in a comfortable setting and speak freely about what you ideals are as a couple.

Post # 8
Member
1944 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

We really wanted to and my inlaws offered to pay for it. They have been married for 30 years so I will try anything. However, our church would not do it because we live togethor and they recommend we live apart for at least 6 mths before they would do it. Well it was not possible, as we got engaged in March, married in July. I tried to pick up a few books for us but in the end, we just had conversations re: issues his and my family recommend before, expectations, finances, family values etc. Really things we have already openly discussed before. Luckliy for me, my husband is a very open person with me and we have a great communication level and realize no matter what, you cannot possible be prepared for everything but we will do all we can to work through it. But, I recommend it, it can never hurt, and if it does, everyone should be happy about what it brings up before hand instead of too late.

Post # 9
Member
53 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: January 2010

We’re starting it soon! We’re excited. We just have to buy the workbooks to do and I think that’s it. It’s about 6 sessions. I’m sure it will work great for you! Good luck!

Post # 10
Member
575 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010 - Kindred Oaks, Georgetown

I think we might only because Texas offers a free class and then you get your marriage license for free!

Post # 11
Member
123 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

Wow, Miss Cake, I wish we had that option!!

Post # 12
Member
6572 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2010

we don’t have to go to counseling, but we do go talk to the rabbi about our relationship, etc. before we get married. he made it clear that he’s not a therapist and it’ll just be a discussion, and he did mention that he did recommend a couple once to seek therapy after talking to them.

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